Your heart, my story, you say, I listen! I'm Tingting, the psychotherapist around you!
Life should have a gentle state, what kind of concept, then what kind of life will be achieved, what kind of thinking will be achieved, and what kind of experience will be harvested.
So don't always complain about the unhappiness and cruelty of life, because sometimes it is our own choice, don't always blame it on other external factors.
When we start to be dissatisfied with the status quo and feel that marriage is a grave, we may wish to look back at what we have done along the way.
And those who lived a sparse life were not because of temporary poverty, but because they committed these three "taboos".
1. Suspicion
Whether it is not confident enough, or the sense of security given by the other party is not enough, in many people's lives, they are not trusting their lovers enough.
Some people have been deceived, so they will plant the seeds of suspicion in their hearts, while some people may only be unwilling to believe others because of their personality.
But for whatever reason, suspicion is the biggest killer for a family.
Although there is no blood relationship between them, they are the closest people in the world, and they are also the biggest reliance and dependence on each other for the rest of their lives, if even the other party cannot be trusted, then who can they trust?
And it turns out that if a family does not have enough trust, after all, it will face disintegration, and it may be a very small thing that can bring unexpected monstrous waves.
Maybe it's just that the man comes back from work a little late, or maybe it's just the normal exchange of information sent by the woman's male colleague, which can cause a fierce quarrel.
This kind of meaningless quarrel, in addition to further deepening the suspicion between each other, can only further dilute the few feelings left between each other.
As the number of quarrels increases, slowly two people will become emotionless and the family will be separated.
2. Differentiate treatment
Your mother is your mother, my mother is my mother, this is a problem that exists in many families, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law that has been difficult to understand for thousands of years, until the 21st century, it has not been able to find a good solution.
Even in the case of living separately, it is still impossible to avoid it completely, and some people may have to live with their in-laws for various reasons.
After a long time, the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will also appear, and the channel to solve this problem in the end, many people will choose to treat it differently, that is, they will take care of their original families.
It seems that this is also a good method, but in fact, there are not many problems, after all, everyone will become a family after marriage, and many things cannot be distinguished clearly.
Just as when a man provides cash assistance to his parents, a woman cannot be indifferent, and when a woman pays for the medical expenses of her parents, it is impossible for a man to do nothing, because after marriage, the husband and wife are the whole and the economy is also shared, so families that often adopt differential treatment are inevitably quarrelsome and separated.
Although you may not be able to treat the people you have just met as blood relatives, you must also try to learn to tolerate and understand, and treat your lover's family with your greatest kindness and tolerance, even if life does not become particularly happy, but at least it will not become a chicken feather.
3. Turn over old accounts
Turning over old accounts is a problem that many people have, especially women are the most serious, perhaps men's kindness to them will be forgotten after the passage of time, but the mistakes made by men, no matter how long it takes, are still fresh in their minds, as long as they are unhappy, quarrels will still come out.
Turning over old accounts is a really annoying behavior, because the mistakes made at the beginning, everyone's apologies have been said, and they really know that they are wrong, but the other party still does not forgive, which is unacceptable.
If you really can't forgive the other person's mistakes, then don't forgive from the beginning and choose other solutions, but if you choose to forgive, you must really erase the other party's mistakes from the heart.
It is not that it cannot be mentioned again in the future, but it is definitely not that as long as there is a quarrel, it will be taken out to say, giving people the feeling that it is not a matter of facts, but a way to vent the dissatisfaction in the heart.
After more times, the feelings will be consumed, which will cause a fatal blow to the family.
Only those who do not avoid pain and confusion are qualified to talk about optimism and firmness, fate will not treat anyone kindly, and sorrow and joy will not be prepared for you alone.
It is normal for marriages to have problems, and no one's marriage is happy from beginning to end, just like a machine of good quality, and problems will occur over time.
It doesn't matter if there is a problem, what matters is how everyone solves it, love may have no reason, but two people can be together for a lifetime, there is definitely a reason.
Maybe they are not the most perfect, but they are definitely the most suitable for each other, such love and marriage, is the longest, I hope that everyone can see their problems in time and find the right solution.