The best and fastest way to ruin a child is to praise him

Author: Lao Geng and Yan

In 1996, when I was in my 20s and had just joined the faculty, I was shocked to hear about appreciation education for the first time in a large auditorium.

"It turns out that this is the panacea for solving the difficult problems of education!"

Today, more than 20 years later, I am in my 50s: a senior teacher, the parent of a bully son, with nearly 30 years of teaching experience and 10 years of experience as a class teacher.

If I were to give appreciation to education, I would like to say the truth:

Appreciation education without principles will only hurt children invisibly.

01

Flattering Appreciation:

It promotes the child's "bear" nature

In the eyes of appreciation education experts, students have no shortcomings.

Because every flaw of the child can be appreciated by him as a "shining point with potential".

This practice, placed on self-disciplined children, may be an incentive.

Put on a very naughty, cynical child, the child will definitely become more intense.

For example, the famous singer Li Shuangjiang, who highly recommends appreciation education.

He said: "I am reluctant to beat him, sometimes I really want to fight, but I can't fight, so I will persuade and we will scare him." Before he could fight, his tears fell first. ”

In the program "Lu Yu Has a Date", the singer said:

"You can't ask the child to be all right, the child is in adolescence, he has a lot of personality, he has a lot of edges, that's called a child."

You want him to be so obedient, so disciplined, according to your will, listen to you, that is impossible.

It is normal not to follow your path, and he is sick if he follows you. ”

With this appreciation and appreciation, the talented and intelligent son was elected as the image ambassador of China's Olympic bid at the age of 4, joined the Chinese youth ice hockey team at the age of 10, and became a member of the Haidian District Calligraphy Association at the age of 13.

However, when he was 17 years old, he seriously overturned.

The son of the "Haidian Silver Gun Bully" was sentenced to 10 years in prison for gang rape.

Some criticism and education punishment are always absent, and children are easy to become little hedgehogs who prick people everywhere.

See who pierces whom, lawless, unscrupulous.

Wait until the child has a big problem to correct, the wood has become a boat, and it is too late to regret it.

Our meticulous appreciation education has cultivated batches of "bear children" if we are not careful.

02

There is no principled appreciation

Let the dust also become a stumbling block

A colleague told me about his education case.

Recently, Zhang's parents called him and said: "In the future, in school and classroom, can you not criticize your children?" ”

Because Zhang's children talked and made small movements in class a few days ago, they were criticized by the teacher.

Mr. Zhang does not want to go to school now and wants to take a leave of absence.

He was disgusted with the teacher.

This colleague traced the roots.

It turned out that Mr. Zhang was an only child at home, and was carefully cared for by her parents, grandparents, and grandparents.

Their family likes to appreciate and appreciate, and has hardly said very harsh words.

"At home, he was held in the palm of our hands by all of us, and all we heard was praise, affirmation, and praise, and we would not casually criticize or deny him."

Children receive flowers and smiling faces from an early age, without criticizing and punishing.

Withstanding, the resistance to setbacks will continue to shrink.

A single speck of dust can be an appalling stumbling block.

A light and fluttering straw can easily knock a child down.

So weak can't help the wind, you say, we are hard to cultivate talents? Is it chopping wood? Or firewood?

03

Want to ruin a child?

Let's educate more about happiness

In recent years, appreciation education has been very popular in China.

Parents and teachers put their children's self-esteem, emotional needs, and happiness needs in the highest position of school education and family education.

Even the shortcomings of children should be appreciated "as a transformable advantage".

Only make children happy and happy again-

Elders do not dare to criticize children loudly, and teachers dare not criticize children severely.

Teachers dare not manage, parents will not manage, others can not manage, has become the norm of school education and family education.

And as a result, children who are too happy and too sweet, the young master's temper and the princess's temper have increased a lot.

The joy of lacking pain and frustration is a superficial pleasure.

The lack of appreciation of punishment and punishment is a pathological growth.

04

The strongest growth is inseparable

Authentic pain and beating

There is one principle in pedagogy: the furnace principle.

In the face of the burning red stove, parents and teachers, if they simply tell their children: "Don't touch it, it will burn you!" ”

There will always be children who will not think so, but will continue to touch the hot stove.

The moment a child touches the stove, he instinctively and quickly retracts his scalded hand.

"The stove is really hot, and it can no longer be touched", this recognition through pain will make children remember forever: the hot stove cannot be touched.

The memory exchanged for pain is the deepest and most effective memory.

Growing up in pain is a necessary and inevitable process and rhythm of education.

Pain is also a nutritional product.

Normal pain belonging to the child, adults and external forces should not be deprived, can not be deprived.

05

Behind every school bully

There is a "tiger father and wolf mother" standing

Pianist Lang Lang once recalled his own upbringing.

When he was 9 years old, because he mistakenly thought that his son had mischievously practiced the piano, his father was furious and almost beat him.

His father, Lang Guoren, often used severe suppression methods to force Lang Lang to play the piano hard.

However, it is precisely with this high temperature and high pressure mode of "practicing the piano and practicing the piano - being beaten and beaten - continuing to practice" that Lang Lang's playful nature has been curbed.

The lazy nature has been suppressed.

Lang Lang's excellent piano playing skills are definitely causal and causal to this desperate reversal.

After becoming famous, he deeply felt: "Interest is practiced!" Thank you Dad for forcing me to practice! ”

06

No hitting, no scolding, no punishment

You can't raise good children!

Professor Qian Wenzhong of Fudan University gave a speech at the "Third New Oriental Family Education Summit Forum" "No fight, no scolding, no punishment can not cultivate excellent children!" " went viral on the Internet.

It is estimated that there are already more than a billion hits.

According to relevant reports, in this speech, he was originally prepared to have a speech, but when he saw that the principals of many key middle schools and famous schools were vigorously advocating the so-called happiness and appreciation education, and regarded these arguments as the supreme pursuit and the highest educational purpose, he felt that he did not understand.

There was even a feeling of anger.

Therefore, I threw away the original speech and improvised this "No fight, no scolding, no punishment can not cultivate excellent children!" 》

"I think that education is the most real thing, and teachers should not speculate on the minds of parents and children, and constantly make concessions to children and parents."

"We don't have some control, inhibition, restraint on children, blindly giving in to them in the name of love, such education is not right."

Yes, any means of education, if only moderation and no criticism, only appreciation, and no punishment.

The so-called follow-the-trick explanations of teachers and parents will become a cheap and inferior product in the eyes of children.

In the eyes of the educated, the dignity and status of the teacher are much bleaker.

Without the minimum sense of ritual, awe, mission and bottom line awareness, education is destined to be far away.

07

Final words

Education needs rewards, but it also needs penalties.

Education needs grace, but it also needs will.

Let "grace" and "will" blend together, and cultivate children's reverence and compassion.

Let "reward" and "punishment" accompany and inspire children's rigorous self-discipline and know how to cherish.

Let school education, family education, love, can be "fierce" a little, so that every kind of education can hold the ruler in hand, there is light in the eyes.

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This article | edited