Appreciating a child is definitely not simply "You're great!" It is definitely not to let children soak in words of praise all day. Instead, the starting point for parents to appreciate their children should be "I believe you can!" Give the child confidence and courage, and let him slowly produce "I can do it!" under the encouragement of appreciation! " consciousness.
At the same time, parents must grasp the principle of sincere, true and moderate praise, and the child's potential will be truly stimulated.
The former British Prime Minister, Mr. Churchill, once said: If you want someone to have any merit, you must praise him. Seeking truth from facts rather than exaggerating praise, and praising sincerely rather than hypocritically, will add a kind of norm to the other person's behavior.
In recent years, "appreciation education" has become popular, and parents of children seem to have received the secret of education and have put it into practice. But some parents only know it but don't know why, and they talk about their children's praise all day long.
As a result, an interesting phenomenon appeared: the advantages of the child's sesame seeds are infinitely magnified, not the advantages must be said to be advantages, obviously made a mistake, the parents do not dare to say it directly, secretly tell themselves that he will be able to change in the future... It is not difficult for us to feel a little self-deception in this.
Someone once said: "Appreciation is an expression of love, it is not a hypocrisy and false show, nor is it unprincipled and spoiled, nor is it utilitarian motivation, but from the heart of love and expectation." That's a great way to say that. Children need praise, but praise should come from the heart of the parents. And that kind of too utilitarian praise will only backfire, and even lead the child to the wrong place.
A 7-year-old girl learns piano, and her mother is worried that she will lose interest, so she is always motivated by rewards or praise. Once, her mother took her to learn the piano, and after her daughter finished playing, the teacher only explained the background of the song and then asked her some ideas, and did not evaluate her playing. The mother was very confused, and after asking the teacher why, she knew that the original reason for not making evaluations was to prevent the child from playing only to get praise, and to destroy her interest in the piano itself.
Thinking carefully about the teacher's words, it actually makes a lot of sense. Many mothers are afraid that their children will lose interest in learning, and they have to motivate their children with material rewards or praise, and as a result, many children take the initiative to do things in order to get praise. However, when the child shows "aesthetic fatigue" to these praises, when the child is bored with the praise, his interest will not last long.
So, what exactly is the principle of appreciation? What do parents do to properly praise?
(1) Appreciation must come from the heart
Some parents reflected: "Appreciation does not work in my child, he does not eat this set." "If this is the case, parents should seriously reflect on their attitude."
After learning appreciation education, a mother decided to change the previous way of education. When she got home, no matter what her daughter did, she said, "Daughter, you're amazing, you're so smart!" At the end of the day, the daughter felt inexplicable, and finally couldn't help herself at night, put her hand on the door of her mother's head, and said: "Mom, you didn't have a fever today, right?" ”
The mother's sudden praise will make the daughter feel embarrassed, and the exaggerated may also feel that the mother is very hypocritical, and even make her think that this is a humiliation and irony, and finally cause her disgust.
Every parent should appreciate their child from the bottom of their heart, not just verbal praise. Even with a gentle look and a knowing smile, he can feel the love of his parents.
(2) Truly praise the child's behavior
Praise emphasizes the occasion and method. If parents just praise their children for "you're awesome," "you're so smart," or even "wear a top hat" for their children. This exaggerated appreciation. It will only increase the child's burden and promote his initiative to transform into worry and fear, and the child will have the idea of giving up halfway.
In fact, appreciation education is not only to let children have the confidence to win, but also to make children afford to lose: parents should let children understand a truth: "first" is not the most important, as long as the effort is good, the important thing is the harvest in the process. When a child fails, parents should not blame him, but also encourage him to continue to work hard.
In addition, praise should be given to the child's behavior, not the child himself. For example, if the daughter beats her mother's legs, and the mother praises the daughter: "You are really a sensible child", it is better to praise her "the hand is just right, the mother feels much more comfortable, you are really a filial piety child." "In this way, the child will know that helping the mother beat her legs is an act of filial piety, and filial piety is good."
Of course, for young children, the praise of parents must be timely, so that his enthusiasm will be mobilized.
(3) The language of praise should be appropriate
It is not difficult for parents to praise their children without stinginess, but how to grasp the right balance is the key. Because praise is like salt, it is a necessary condiment in a child's life, but if you put too much, it is easy to cause him psychological distress.
In general, when a child is trying to accomplish something, he deserves praise. But for the same thing, parents should not repeat the praise. When he develops good habits, parents can appropriately reduce this aspect of praise.
In addition, public praise of children should also be cautious to avoid making him slow. Parents should also pay attention not to try to cover up the shortcomings of their children's life and learning with praise, and let him clearly understand his own strengths and weaknesses, so as to be beneficial to the solution of the problem.
Therefore, when parents appreciate their children, they must be true, sincere, timely and reasonable, so that such praise can touch the child's spiritual world and promote the child's growth more rapidly.
Today, when the Family Education Promotion Law is officially promulgated and implemented, the heavy responsibility of family education falls on the shoulders of children's parents and other family members, how do we do a good job in family education? Continuous learning of educational methods and experience is very important to improve the quality of family education!
Dear readers, what is your opinion on family education?