I was divorced in 2016, and the custody of the child is actually my ex-wife's, but she is still working in Lhasa, Tibet, the conditions are really tough, sichuan is much better no matter how you say life, so in fact, the child is with me. Custody does not matter if custody is not custody, the child is their own after all, so there is no need to fight for any maintenance, and my own income is OK.
However, single fathers don't talk about any "career", that stuff is too luxurious.
At present, it is mainly dependent on the retirement pension of the army, and doing self-media life, if you want to do full-time work is unrealistic, so the pressure is still very large: on the one hand, to maintain the high-intensity output of Zhihu, on the other hand, to take some work, sometimes even driving on the road in the mind are thinking of writing articles, but also to maintain a certain social contact and experience, otherwise it is easy to write things out of the mind. Full-time work is not unconsidered, but going to the big city is really too far to take care of the children and family, and the age of a retired officer in your army is also there, and it is not easy to suddenly airdrop the past. In small cities, there are not many job opportunities, and it is not as good as making more money by doing self-media, so basically say goodbye to your own career.
In fact, the economic problem is not big, the consumption level in small cities is not high, the rich and the rich cannot do it, and it is still no problem to live decently.
Mainly the part of oneself" "superego".
In my heart, I am actually a person who loves wandering, and the life of a border guard officer for more than ten years has long made me accustomed to wandering and far away, in my consciousness, the wild land is home, and the living in the sky is a comfortable way of life. Of course, there is no way before retiring, after retiring, my idea is actually to be a unreliable ocean crew, or an expatriate worker, the kind that runs around the world, and the wave does not move. Or just write while walking, go to Kilimanjaro
To Madagascar, to Siberia, to the Andes, to New Zealand, I want to see all the snowy mountains of the Ice Age of the Earth Mountains.
However, men must have a choice, the so-called "adults all want", is just a kind of Internet meme, in reality is impossible.
You want it all, but you can't really get it. Realize this early and the end result will be much better.
So now the most you can do is to find a hill to climb up and look into the distance.
Your own experience is more or less like this, the baby is there, do not abandon, you can not always take the baby everywhere to the waves, it is too small. I believe that everyone is more concerned about the education of children, so I will focus on my experience with children.
Currently the child is in boarding
School, Monday to Friday is at school, so it is Friday to pick up your own belt, Sunday night to send over. The school is in Meishan, I live in Leshan, and the highway is actually an hour's drive. This balances taking care of your children and your own affairs, running around on weekdays or writing at home, and being a dad on weekends.
Being a wet dad is very noteworthy.
The pace of study in the boarding school is very tight, the private school curriculum is tight, and now they are talking about reducing the burden, so they do not continue to increase his burden, and when the homework that should be done on the weekend is done, I take all kinds of waves.
The one who should be crazy is going to be crazy;
The sister should be the sister;
It's time to go out and wave out.
该gaku field survival field survival!
Recently the two fell in love with playing old games, COD5, medal of honor
。 Children at this age are very entangled in the details of the game, such as how to make a Molotov cocktail bottle, how to insert the flag of the Capitol, long live the charge is what is going on, and the hundred submachine guns are easy to use. It's caused by curiosity, and as an adult you don't think it makes sense to play a game to focus on these, but that's not the case for kids. If you can extend it freely, you can grasp these curiosities, tell him a lot of knowledge, and most importantly arouse his own desire to explore.
This is much more important than any cram school.
In addition to some basic knowledge and skills, the most important thing is the cultivation of learning habits and learning interests, so that he is willing to read and learn skills, which is not what cram schools can give you. The long and painful cram school will only destroy his interest in learning and lose his curiosity, which I personally do not recommend.
For example, today I was asked about the Cold War, and what roles China, the Soviet Union, and the United States played in the Cold War. In fact, such a big child, it is very normal for him to ask such a question, and the background of the story of COD6 and COD8 will make him ask it, so how do you tell it?
First of all, you talk about the current international situation, and roughly explain the basic pattern of the world in words that he can understand;
Then how did the Russian Federation come about, the succession relationship between the USSR and Russia;
Next, the pattern of the late Cold War, how the three-legged stand of China, the Soviet Union and the United States was formed, and the reasons for the eventual collapse of the Soviet Union;
Then came the ideological struggle of the Cold War;
At this point, if he wants to ask about the specific connotations of the two ideologies, you have to talk about capitalism and socialism separately, about exploitation and surplus value;
Eventually you have to face a problem:.
When using words that the child can understand to explain these complex problems to him, you yourself need to relive the knowledge you have learned once, but also to convert it into a popular language, but also to give a large number of examples, it is easy to have insufficient knowledge reserves. At this time, you must not die for face, just frankly admit that you do not understand this, and then father and son together to solve this problem.
At the end of the day, it's a matter of patience.
When a child feels successful in solving a problem or exploring something with you, his own curiosity will be stimulated.
Regardless of boys and girls, for their fathers, at this age or adopt an attitude of absolute trust and absolute admiration, do not live up to his trust. You fool the child, and sooner or later it is you who will be fooled.
Be sure to cherish every question your child asks.
Every question he asked was an opportunity to enhance his curiosity, and the opportunity would not come again.
Many people complain that the problems of primary school students are inexplicable, many problem adults are helpless, do not know how to tutor children's learning, easy to have high blood pressure, easy to lose temper. This is actually a misunderstanding that the pattern has not opened: you are not a teacher, you do not have the professional skills to teach children knowledge. You are the parent, and you are the one who shapes his attitude towards learning.
In the end, he still has to learn on his own, and his attitude towards learning is the first thing you should pay attention to.
Many parents like to take a "chicken baby" attitude towards their children, which is not right, your child is like a chick, you are teaching him to fly, let him love flying, rather than kicking out, "Give Lao Tzu fly!" ”
He asks questions to show that he has a thirst for knowledge, he is curious about this thing, so if you understand you can tell him, and then divergence to let him think; if you don't understand, go with him to understand, use his absolute trust in you to guide him to fall in love with exploration.
The biggest difficulty that our father and son are facing now is the lack of a woman in the family.
Don't underestimate this, and don't laugh, for a child, the role played by opposite-sex parents is very, very important in his upbringing. The mother of the son and the father of the daughter often play the role of the shaper of "love", and the father of the son and the mother of the daughter often play the shaper of "discipline".
My son's mother got married soon after his mother divorced and had another child, and the love that was distributed to my son must have decreased a lot, which was inevitable. Then I have to play more of the role of the giver of "love", which is in conflict with the identity of the shaper of "discipline".
To put it bluntly, one sings a red face and the other sings a white face, and now that there is one less, I have to learn the "change of face" in Sichuan opera.
To be honest, I'm tired.
Just now, the fire in the stomach, in an instant, I had to force myself to suppress the fire and sing the white face, who knows who did this. Sometimes it's not up to you to change your face quickly, which is inherently contradictory.
Today at noon fry two pieces of steak, I like to eat raw, he wants to eat cooked, I will not be unable to do one, but he is not likely to use a knife to cut, can not get, you have to help him cut, wait for him to cut well, I have been fried into coke ...
Then he argues with you.
It is difficult for a man to suppress anger at this time, but if you are angry at him and can't do it, he will feel very wronged.
To be honest, you are also wronged.
As a single father, at this time by your own nature, then give a very bad negative demonstration, he will feel that you are willful; but you are like a stuffy gourd, there is no temper, that is also a very bad negative demonstration, he will feel that you are resigned.
This is the contradiction, this is the thing that a person sings a red face and a white face, even if you switch quickly, there is no way.
My solution is to make things clear to him, this thing is not as easy to do as he thinks, the key problem is that you can't cut steak yourself, the responsibility is not on Dad. When talking, we must be reasonable and moderate, and the reason should be clearly explained to make him accept, but the attitude must not let him come by himself.
But there are side effects: I'm afraid he thinks I'm a talker.
It's easy to be a fuck: I glared at each other, "What a lot of crap!" it, it's over.
So on the whole, single fathers are not impossible, the same education is not bad, their "career" can not be talked about, and their lives are OK. I always comfort myself that a single father is always much better than a single mother, after all, you are a big man, not to live.
But sometimes I still feel very tired, facing the child, facing myself, there are such times.
Love is the only pillar that sustains you through it all.
People need to cultivate in this lifetime, and children are a very important part of cultivation, and people who have had children know this. When he comes into this world, you put to pee, change diapers to sleep, busy day and night, get up early and take care of the dark, can he really repay you? In fact, most of them will not reciprocate, he will leave you one day; turn around and think, who among us did not come to this world like this? Weren't their parents the same back then?
This relationship is maintained not by interests or anything visible, but by love.
Salmon desperately have to swim back to the upper reaches of the Tamsui River to spawn, and the dead are eaten and eaten on the way, and soon after the eggs are laid in the place, they die, and the water can be covered with a thick layer of salmon carcasses. These laid eggs, which grow themselves into small fish, return to the sea, grow up, and repeat the process. What chance do these little fish have a chance to "return" something?
Human beings are actually not much different, your most beautiful, healthiest, most energetic youth, all take it to serve these little ancestors, really expect him to return anything to you? No matter how filial he is, can he invent a "rejuvenation drug" to let you go back to your 20s and go to the waves?
It's all the same thing.
He was an independent man.
My experience as a single dad is that he is my best iron buddy, and I am his best "hair small".
END