01
In this world, there is a particularly "complex" family affection - family affection.
The reason why the friendship between relatives and families is complicated is because the existence of "it" is closely related to "children's marriage". It involves not only a certain generation, but also the families of both sides.
Your son married his daughter, and the two sides who were not related by blood became relatives, and even more became relatives. At this time, you need to think about how to get along with it.
The friendship between relatives and families seems to be particularly strong, but in fact, it is particularly easy to break. To put it bluntly, maybe there are some contradictions between relatives and families, then the two sides will turn against each other.
After all, it is much simpler to have a vendetta than to have a relationship.
Some emotional counselors believe that feelings change from cold to warm, and people need to go through the hardships of 9981. Feelings change from warm to cold, and it only takes a moment of contradiction.
No matter how good your relationship with your relatives is, maybe if you are not careful, they will turn their faces and not recognize people, and even turn against you. This is particularly realistic.
Therefore, even if you have a good relationship with your relatives, you can't do the following 4 things to avoid revenge.
02
Even if you have a good relationship with your relatives, don't talk about "interests".
There is a saying that "feelings belong to feelings, and interests should be clearly distinguished." ”
The two sides can talk about feelings or family affairs, but they must talk less about "monetary interests". Because in complex kinship relationships, interests often play a role in "worsening relationships.".
You talk to outsiders about feelings, yes. Talk about interests, too. Why? Because outsiders have nothing to do with you, then they will not have strange feelings for you. It won't cause you great malice anyway.
On the contrary, you can talk to your relatives about your feelings. It is not appropriate to talk about interests. Why? Because your relatives have a certain relationship with you, then they will speculate on your intentions and even use your psychology. In this way, the emergence of monetary interests will only provoke contradictions.
Take the "borrowing money" thing, you lend money to your relatives, then are you really at ease? Will not be at ease.
If the other party pays the money on time, then you are naturally full of joy. However, there are unpredictable storms in the sky, and people have bad luck and bad luck. Once your relatives drag your money back, what should you do?
In fact, you don't have any way, and at the same time, you don't dare to urge them to pay back. Because you know, you can't ruin a child's marriage because of some money.
03
Even if you have a good relationship with your relatives, don't have frequent contact.
Many people feel that as long as the relationship between the two sides is good, then why not have frequent exchanges?
This kind of thinking is often a bit wishful thinking. You and I have a good relationship, but if the frequency of exchanges is too much, or even frequent exchanges, I believe that there will be contradictions between you and me.
In psychology, there is a "hedgehog effect". The two hedgehogs keep a certain distance, then neither of them will hurt anyone. Conversely, if two hedgehogs hug each other, they will hurt each other.
We don't have to have too much contact with our relatives. There are two reasons for this.
First of all, if the frequency of communication is too much, it is easy for disputes between relatives. Instead of causing unnecessary trouble, it is better for both sides to reduce exchanges and make each other safe.
Secondly, the exchanges between people must pay attention to "interests". As mentioned above, interests are the key to the breakdown of family relations. In this way, reducing exchanges can avoid the emergence of "conflicts of interest".
04
Even if the relationship with relatives is good, don't owe "human affection".
In Chinese society, there is one kind of debt that is the most difficult to pay off, that is, the "debt of human feelings".
If someone else helps you, then you owe someone else's affection. So, how do you repay others? To tell you the truth, this kind of kindness, you will never be finished.
For example, someone else borrowed 100,000 yuan from you, and after a year, you not only repaid the principal, but also repaid the interest.
From an outsider's point of view, the debt between you and him has been cleared twice. However, the debt of human affection has always been owed. If someone else asks you to borrow 200,000 yuan in the future, even if you don't have it, you still have to lend it to him. Why? Because the "debt of affection" makes you feel overwhelmed.
Why do we often say, "We would rather borrow ten thousand from outsiders than borrow a point from our relatives"?
Outsiders borrow money just to make money, as long as you have good credit and pay it back on time, that's enough. But the family is different, others borrow money from you, it is completely based on friendship. And this friendship requires you to repay for a lifetime.
Therefore, there should be less "human feelings" exchanges, and there should be no exchanges of interests. In this way, it is the right way.
05
Even if you have a good relationship with your relatives, don't "interfere" with your child's marriage.
You and I can become relatives only because the "marriage of children and children" plays a bridging role.
This bridge of marriage, if it has always existed, then you and I will always be relatives. And if one day, this bridge collapses, then you and I can only shoot twice and scatter, and we will not come and go.
Whether you are the parents of the woman or the parents of the man, do not easily "interfere" with the marriage of your children, so as not to affect the happiness of your children and the relationship between relatives and families.
We all understand the reason, but there are many elders who look at the daughter-in-law or son-in-law who are not pleasing to the eye, and who pick things up all day or provoke contradictions.
Such a practice may seem very relieving, but it will actually affect the happiness of the children's marriage.
As an elder, you should "not care about the affairs of your children and grandchildren". What they should do, we don't interfere. Because the younger generations have their own freedom to marry, long-term is their choice, and short-term is also their choice. We just have to accept the final result.
Wen/Shushan has deer