These two days, I saw such a piece of news:
On Line 7 of the Beijing subway, a seven- or eight-year-old child plays in a chair with a mobile phone.
I don't know what the child did wrong, only to see the mother suddenly pinch the child's face fiercely, and even the mask on the child's ear was pulled off by her.
Immediately after, the mother snatched the mobile phone from the child's hand and raised her hand to hit the child, and the child subconsciously reached out to block it.
At this point, Mom seemed to be enraged. She threw the child's school bag to the ground and scolded the child to kneel.
Someone in the carriage hurriedly dissuaded the mother, but she replied like this:
"I said my child, I want (him) to do whatever I want."
So the poor boy knelt from Baiwanzi Station to Beijing West Railway Station.
After arriving at the station, the mother not only did not comfort and support the child, but instead put her hands in her pockets and left. The child had to pick up the school bag and chase after his mother.
After the matter was exposed, it quickly caused heated discussion among netizens.
As netizens said, this mother does not know how to respect her children at all when educating her children.
To be so humiliated in public, I really don't know how tormented, painful, and helpless the child's heart should be.
Imagine how this mother would react if she were so humiliated in public?
Don't forget, adults have self-esteem, and children have the same, and sometimes even more so than adults.
A family education expert said that publicly letting children kneel down and admit mistakes, this kind of rough education will not only hurt children's self-esteem, make children have inferiority personality, but also violate national laws.
Article 5 of the Family Education Promotion Law, which came into effect on 1 January 2022, mentions that family education should respect the personal dignity of minors and protect the legitimate rights and interests of minors.
1
When many parents educate their children, they will intentionally or unintentionally copy and paste the way the previous generation in the original family educates themselves.
Especially those parents who grew up under simple and rough family education, it is difficult to realize or change.
In an episode of "Teacher Please Answer", 17-year-old Xiaojun is rebellious, indifferent and disrespectful to his elders in the mouths of his parents.
In this regard, Xiao Jun frankly said that he could not respect his parents, because his parents did not respect him at all.
It turned out that when Xiao Jun first went to high school, his parents thought that the bad habits he was infected with were because he was careless in making friends.
Therefore, my mother deliberately scolded Xiaojun in front of her classmates when school was out, in order to scare off his "fox friends".
However, moms don't know how important it is for adolescent children to value their self-esteem! Her trouble not only made Xiao Jun lose face in front of his classmates, but also chilled his heart.
Since then, Xiao Jun has refused to communicate with his parents, slammed the door when he had a slight displeasure, and even beat up his parents.
In his words, it is: "What you do to me, I will do to you in the future!" ”
How many parents, with the intention of doing good for their children, are actually doing things to hurt their children?
Educating children is a science, and parents should never mistake hurt for love. The wrong way of education will not only make the child better, but will ruin the child's life.
2
How much does the scolding and humiliation of parents hurt their children?
Knowingly, some netizens wrote down their experiences:
What kind of impact will such improper punishment by parents have on the growth of children?
Educator Jane Nelson, in Positive Discipline, sums it up this way:
1. Resentment: This is not fair, I can't trust adults.
2. Retaliation: This time they won, but I will pull it back.
3. Rebellion: I want to do it to prove that I don't have to do what they ask.
4. Withdrawn: a sneaky – I will never let them catch it next time; b Low self-esteem – I'm a bad boy
Although each child is not in a different state in the face of improper punishment, neither outcome is what we want to see.
There is a saying in the West that civilized gentlemen cannot be cultivated by barbaric methods.
Similarly, with coercive and high-pressure disciplinary methods, it is impossible to cultivate children who are responsible and respectful of others.
3
In fact, every mistake a child makes is an educational loophole that parents have ever had.
When a child is found to have a problem, if the parent can first self-reflect, then attribute and guide the strategy to protect the child's self-esteem, it can awaken the child's introspection and self-love.
The mother of Hu Shi, a modern thinker in China, knows how to protect her child's self-esteem.
When Hu Shi was a child, whether he did something wrong or said the wrong thing, his mother never scolded him in front of people.
When it was just the two of them, the mother would close the door and teach him patiently.
He wrote in hu shi's self-description:
My mother disciplined me the most, and she was a loving mother and a strict father. But she never scolded me or hit me in front of others.
I did something wrong, she just looked at me, and I saw her stern eyes and was frightened.
She waited until the next morning when I woke up to teach me a lesson. She waited until the evening when people were quiet, closed the door, first blamed me, and then punished...
She did not teach her son to use this as a way to make others listen.
Under the education of his mother's correct love, Hu Shi eventually became a generation of thinkers. And he put it all down to his mother's credit:
"If I can learn the slightest bit of good temper, if I can learn a little kindness to others, if I can forgive people and be considerate of people - I have to thank my loving mother." 」
It can be seen that the respect of parents hides the blessings of the child's life.
There are thousands of ways to make children lose their self-esteem, but rebuilding self-esteem for them is a slow and difficult process.
Therefore, the best way to educate children to make mistakes is to help them learn from their mistakes and let them sincerely hope to correct them, rather than leaving them with a shadow.
Therefore, parents should tell their children that making mistakes is not terrible, and it is the key to being able to change them. Everyone learns and grows by making mistakes.
Therefore, protecting children's self-esteem is not only the premise of raising children according to law, but also the wings for them to fly into the future.