Just saw a video, I don't know if it is posed, deliberately create such an effect.
In the video, a boy is celebrating his birthday, but he is crying.
Birthdays are a happy thing, but why do children cry?
It turned out that when the boy had a birthday, her mother gave him a birthday cake full of textbooks. And listening to the fucking description, it turned out that the child had already told him that he would order a Pikachu birthday cake. But this mother thinks that her child has been playing with mobile phones recently, and it is about to take the final exam, so in order to remind the child to study hard, she changed such a cake.
Now understand why the child is crying, right?
Originally birthday is a very happy thing, children also have high expectations, the result of a look, parents to themselves such a thing, this psychological gap who suffered? Change to you, at the end of the year, I was waiting for the bonus, but the boss not only did not send you money, but also told you: at the end of the year, you should work more overtime. Can you stand it? Will you thank your boss?
And this mother can do this kind of thing, and she still feels that she is for the good of her children and reminds her children to study hard. That is to say, in dealing with their own children, if the boss is so kind to the employees, the employees will have already lifted the table and left.
I'd love to ask this mom? How can't you see children happy? Isn't it enough to teach children on a regular basis? Do you still want to do this on such an important day as the child, forcing the child to be unhappy?
Many parents always accuse their children of rebellion, as far as parents can't see themselves happy, always make themselves miserable, why don't children rebel? A person who always brings pain to himself is a person who regards him as his enemy.
Moreover, ask yourself, can the parents' method of doing this stimulate the child's motivation to learn and let the child learn actively?
I believe that without my further ado, anyone with a little intelligence can judge that such an approach is ineffective. Moreover, not only is it ineffective, but it will only make children hate learning even more.
Simply put, parents are doing this by lifting stones to drop their feet, making children hate themselves, hate learning, and have no positive effect at all.
There is a method to education, not how parents want to teach.
Why children don't like to learn
Why don't children like to learn? It is estimated that many parents simply do not know the real reason behind it.
Many parents take it for granted that learning is hard and tiring, and it takes a lot of time and energy from their children, so their children do not want to learn.
Do you think the same thing?
You're dead wrong to think that way.
Suffering and tiredness is an important reason why we are reluctant to do it, but it is not the root cause. Many times, even if one thing is bitter and tiring, we are willing to do it.
For example, those who fish, get up early and greedy, whether it is windy and rainy, or hot and cold winter, can not stop them from fishing. Is this bitter or not? Tired or not? So why are they willing to do it?
For example, those who work 996, why do they work overtime? I believe you understand this reason very well.
Whether we want to do something or not, the evaluation criterion is not whether the thing is bitter or not, but whether the value brought by this thing is worth our efforts. As long as we feel that the value we finally gain is worth our efforts, even if this thing is hard and tired, we will do it.
The reason why those who fish are tired and tired is because they fish bring them greater pleasure; the reason why those who 996 do not quit is because they have received higher wages.
For children's learning, the same principle is followed. It is not that children do not learn because of hardship and tiredness, but in the eyes of children, learning is useless, their efforts have not obtained the value they want, they are in vain, so even if learning is easy, they are not willing to learn.
In other words, it is you who let you learn in vain, and you will not do it.
Why don't you study after work and just know how to brush your phone? Why don't you learn calculus, why don't you learn how to drive an excavator, why don't you learn how to fertilize crops? ...... The root cause is that this knowledge is useless to you, so you'd rather lie on the couch and watch a soap opera than learn.
On the contrary, if learning works for you, you will learn without being pushed by others. For example, why are you reading this article? It is because you have children and want to know how to better educate children, so even if no one forces you, you will take the initiative to learn educational knowledge. If you don't have children, you won't be able to use this educational knowledge, and even if others force you to learn, you won't learn.
Now you understand why children don't like to learn, right?
For children, their useful knowledge is learned before the third grade. This knowledge is enough to cope with their daily life, and the knowledge learned afterwards is useless except for coping with exams.
Some people may say: How is it useless to study? How to get into a good university without studying, how to find a good job?
Indeed, it cannot be said that study is completely useless, because if you study badly, you will not be able to get into a good university and find a good job in the future. Note, however, that "get a good university, get a good job" here refers to the future, not the present. This "useful in the future" is too far away for the child, and it is difficult for the child to prepare for something so far away.
Needless to say, children, it is also difficult for you as an adult to prepare for the future.
Going to bed early at night can avoid cerebral infarction after getting old, have you done it? Don't you swipe your phone every night until 11 or 12 o'clock? Control diet, avoid obesity, avoid three highs after getting old, have you done it? You still don't grill small beers every day? Working hard to make more money can make yourself more moist when you are old, but did you do it? Aren't you still sneaking around every day and messing around at work? ......
You as an adult can't prepare for the future, so why can a little child study hard for the future?
So in the final analysis, it is not that children do not like to learn, but that learning cannot bring value to children in the near future, so that children feel that learning is in vain, so children have no motivation to learn
In other words, if learning can bring value to the child, then the child will naturally study hard.
How to make learning valuable to children
Let learning bring value to children, so what is value? We must first understand this one problem.
Simply put, what we need will be valuable. The more it is needed, the higher the value, and conversely, if the demand is not high, the value will be low.
What do we need? In fact, the predecessors have already given us the answer, look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, you know what we need.
Simply put, we need to meet physiological needs, security needs, belonging needs, respect needs, and self-actualization needs. As long as the child needs to meet these needs of his own through learning, the child will study hard.
For example, although the knowledge learned is useless to children's lives, why do children who learn well study so hard? It is because they need to meet their need to belong and respect their needs through learning, so they will study hard.
Of course, for those children with poor learning, they do not get these 5 major needs from learning, so they do not have a strong desire to learn. You say children need to meet their own physiological needs through learning? Or is it a security need? Or is it the need for attribution? None.
If children do not learn to eat, do not learn life safety can not be guaranteed, do not learn there is no sense of belonging, sense of value, do not learn can not achieve their life goals, you see children will work hard to learn no?
Therefore, what parents need to do is to combine these needs of people and make learning valuable.
How? You can think about it.
I also shared a systematic approach in my column "Cultivating Children's Interest in Learning with Feedback" to make learning valuable to children, and interested friends can pay attention to my public name "affirmative parenting" learning.