Illuminate yourself, illuminate others, and the education of love is the future
Birthdays are probably the happiest thing in a year for children.
But recently, the child should have a happy birthday, but I didn't expect that my mother not only replaced the decorations on the cake with textbooks, but also wrote a very eye-catching sentence "The earth is not destroyed for a day, you have to write homework."
Faced with such a cake, the child broke down and cried.
The mother later explained that it was because the child was about to take the exam but played games every day, so she wanted to remind the child to study hard.
After the video was uploaded to the Internet, it caused a heated discussion, and many people disagreed with the mother's approach, which was probably what the mother did not expect.
But as some people in the comments section lamented, anyone who thinks from the perspective of a child will not do this.
Many times, what our parents think of as "good for you" is actually harmful to their children. The bigger problem is that parents don't even feel there's something wrong with their approach.
01 Without trust, "for your own good" is a kind of suppression
The mother in the video and the child have discussed that they want to give him a Pikachu cake for their birthday, but because they think that the child recently loves to play games and does not learn, she temporarily changed the design of the cake.
The child was originally full of expectations, but this trick was really a surprise turned into a fright.
Rather than saying that the child is crying because of the cake, it is better to say that it is because of the mother's neglect and grievance, because in the eyes of the mother, his opinion is not important, and he can really feel the disappointment of the child by watching the video.
Parents do not trust their children, easily change their commitments to their children, and how can children continue to trust their parents in the future.
Maybe from now on the child will not say anything to you, even if you really want to help the child, the child may not accept, this impact can be much more serious than simply changing a cake.
If there are more such things, the child himself will feel that his ideas are not important, not more rebellious and his parents, he may lose his ideas and become less confident.
Although the video only released one paragraph, it is conceivable that in the face of children's crying, parents will continue to count down their children: this frustration can not stand, just to encourage you...
The child's own emotions cannot be seen, but also preached, and the child may hate learning even more. Because for children, learning will make them unhappy.
And people are born to "seek pleasure and avoid suffering", and at the same time, we cannot persist in acknowledging painful things.
02 The real "good for you", the premise is trust
As Teacher Dada said in the "Family Education Co-reading Society", because there is no respect for the child, do not believe that the child can do a good job, we will unconsciously deprive, or oppose many of the child's ideas.
And your rebuttal is the child's first criterion for judging the outside world.
If parents don't trust their children, they will feel like they really can't. This judgment will accompany the child's growth.
This kind of not believing in the child, the child actually feels very clear, because he does not support what the parents do, he knows very well that the parents do not believe in me, so the parents will habitually refute the child's opinion, in this case, the child is difficult to find confidence.
So to be truly "good for you", you must believe in the child. Here are the 3 ways to develop self-confidence mentioned by Mr. Dada in the "Family Education Co-reading Club":
1, the first point of belief, give children the opportunity to solve problems independently, give time to give space to choose the opportunity.
Just like the child in the video, he chooses the cake, then believe his choice, do not interfere, do not preach. Because children can only slowly realize their own ability in small decisions, and then have the ability to make decisions for their own lives.
2. Encourage
Parents should be specific to discover their children's strengths and efforts for their goals, and accompany their children to overcome difficulties.
3. All-round attention
Not only pay attention to your child's learning, you also have to pay attention to all aspects of his life, including his communication, interests, hobbies, abilities, development, and so on. This is also a good parent-child relationship.
With such a link, the child will share everything with you, and you can really be a good guide for the child.
A very famous sentence in Long Yingtai's "Eye Sending": The so-called parents and children are only meant to be separated from him in this life and this life.
Yes, only the love of parents and children in this life is to separate, and your trust, even respect, is the best parting gift for children.
Let him have the confidence to challenge when he is frustrated, and the courage to heal himself when he is injured, and this is the real "good for you".
Part of the original content comes from the sharing of Teacher Dada's "Family Education Reading Club", which is now being recruited...
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