Illuminate yourself, illuminate others, and the education of love is the future
Today's news has been on the hot search, and the heat continues, triggering a discussion among netizens.
The story is like this, a doctor tiger father in Nanjing, often to 2 children (daughter 5 years old, son 7 years old) to explain high numbers and literary text, not only that, but also asked the children to write homework until late at night.
At the same time, in the process of education, insulting words are often used to insult and beat, and the mother obstructs unsuccessfully, and can't bear to call the police.
With the intervention of the police, the doctor's father still insisted that disciplining his children was his "household chore" and once refused to coordinate. This not only affects the physical and mental health of the child, but also affects the relationship between husband and wife.
After many netizens saw this news, they criticized the "tiger father" for pulling seedlings to help, but I think that compared with the seedlings, the insults of this "tiger father" are the most harmful to children.
And this may also be an act that we, as parents, often ignore in our daily lives - criticism.
The insults of this "tiger father" are actually a kind of criticism. But in addition to scolding the child, in fact, we preach with emotions to the child, blame, get angry, complain, get angry, reprimand, and physically punish the child, these are all criticisms of the child.
Many times, parents rely on criticism because scolding is really useful, but this use is only temporary.
Children will restrain their wrong behavior in the moment because of fear and guilt, but they will soon erupt again. This does not solve the problem fundamentally.
And children who have been criticizing for a long time will have more and longer-term problems.
01 Parents who like to criticize will ignore their children's emotions
In the recent "Family Education Reading Society", Mr. Dada's "Neglected Children" gave many examples of specific manifestations of children who have been in a state of criticism for a long time.
Because many times, behind the criticized child, in fact, like this Doctor "Tiger Dad", is a parent who pursues perfection.
He will feel that he is so good, and the child certainly cannot be bad. He will be particularly concerned about the results, how can the child not complete the homework, light the lamp and boil the oil to complete it, he can't see that the child has been very hard, the 5-year-old child has already been overloaded.
In such a process, whether it is the child's emotions or the children's mother's emotions, he has actually ignored them.
02 Criticism brings power struggles
From the age of 2, the child's self-awareness begins to sprout, and he will increasingly want to highlight himself. So many times why parents say that the more children do not listen, is that the children are trying to prove that they can.
Of course, just like the children in the incident, only 5 years old, 7 years old, and too young, may only be able to cry and so on to resist the control and disapproval of parents.
But after the child reaches puberty, his own ability grows, and many parents will find themselves more and more unable to control their children. A child who used to be very obedient suddenly rebelled.
In fact, it is the consequence of long-term criticism, before the young age, may not be able to resist, but the child will always grow up one day. So it may be that the further back you go, the more nagging and criticizing the parents are, the more disobedient the child becomes. The more you let me learn, the more I don't learn.
This is no longer simply a matter of learning, but because criticism brings about a direct power struggle between parents and children.
03 Criticism discourages learning
In fact, children's nature is to love learning, but learning is not simple but book knowledge. Especially for children aged 0 to 6, the heavens have given them a special "sensitive period", and children in this period are actually learning through everything they hear, see, and feel.
But many times, especially after starting school, parents themselves fall into the "inner volume", too high expectations, always feel that their children are not good, that is not good, inevitably will criticize the children. At this time, learning is no longer a happy thing, there is no fun, and it is impossible to persist for a long time.
Just like this "tiger father", scolding will only make children feel that learning is a bad thing, and in the long run, it will discourage children's enthusiasm for learning.
Therefore, rather than letting this "tiger father" be punished by the law, what is more painful is that the two children, who should be naïve and love the age of the world, are forced by their father to resent the world and cut off their desire to explore knowledge, which is really a pity.
Just like why the "tiger father" in this incident once insisted that he was not wrong, in fact, he really thought that he was right in his heart, he thought that his behavior was helping the child to "win at the starting line", he was "for the good of the child".
This kind of cognition is the deep cause of his "pulling out seedlings and growing", if he can't change his understanding, then maybe next time he will not teach the child "high number", after all, the doctoral degree is there, he can always find a way to "be good for the child".
Therefore, for ordinary families, "good for children" and "jackie chan" are not wrong, and it is wrong to use the wrong way.
After all, there are many good parents in this world who are serious about accompanying their children. If you can start from the child's interest and constantly guide the child to fall in love with learning, it is the way to correct the direction.
It is not advisable to promote seedlings, and the use of criticism to "pull seedlings to promote growth" will cause long-term adverse effects, so for parents, it is more necessary to let go of their anxiety.
In fact, every child is a unique seed, on the road of raising children, do not forget the original heart, with love to water, the breeze comes from the wind, waiting for the flowers to bloom is a better mentality.
The source of the content | some of the content of this article is excerpted from the sharing of Mr. Dada in the "Family Education Co-reading Club" group
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