We know that to cultivate children's independent learning ability, we must first let children learn self-discipline.
Research on education shows that those with self-discipline are more likely to achieve the desired results on various tests than those with high IQs.
But self-discipline seems to be very difficult for children, and in actual learning and life, there are many children who often can't control themselves.
How exactly can we help our children develop self-discipline? When children can't control themselves, what can we do for them to help them move from discipline to self-discipline?
01 The root cause of children's self-discipline is that parents do too much for their children
The so-called self-discipline means that a person can still strictly demand himself without on-site supervision, take the initiative and restrain his own behavior, so as to create an orderly way to strive for greater freedom for his study and life.
However, in the practice of education, we will often find a problem: parents do too much for their children in many aspects, and rob the children of what they should do, so that children cannot recognize which things are their responsibilities, resulting in children's self-discipline.
For example, completing homework on time, reading consistently, and writing well are the responsibilities of children rather than parents. This is a problem that we should pay attention to in educating children.
02 Two tips for children to go from discipline to self-discipline
Children who have been in a state of other discipline for a long time have difficulty distinguishing between their rights and obligations, and they cannot form a clear understanding of their responsibilities, so how can they achieve the purpose of moving from other discipline to self-discipline?
The most important thing for parents to make their children self-disciplined is to cultivate their children's sense of responsibility.
In the family, parents want to make their children feel responsible, first of all, to help him draw boundaries, to help him distinguish which things he must be responsible for and which things he can choose.
The following two tips help to cultivate and enhance children's sense of responsibility and self-discipline.
One tip: Within your child's ability, let them decide what they want to do
When everything is decided by the parents, the child has no rights, and correspondingly, they will not have much responsibility.
When things are decided by the child to do it, the situation is completely different, and they will have a strong internal drive to do what they want to do. Upon completion, they will be able to intuitively appreciate the sense of accomplishment that comes with taking responsibility.
It can be seen that in order to cultivate the child's sense of responsibility, parents should divide the scope of responsibility with the child within the scope of the child's ability, so that the child can decide what they want to do. For example, decide when to complete your homework yourself? Decide for yourself how to spend the time saved after completing your homework early? Decide for yourself what kind of interest class you want to take? Wait a minute.
Parents can make reasonable allocations according to these contents, determine the list of tasks that their children want to complete, make it more implementable, and give them the opportunity to experience the sense of accomplishment of doing good things.
Tip #2: Let your child determine the "self-responsibility list" that he must complete
Every child is an independent individual, and as a parent, you must respect every idea of your child.
At the same time, rights and responsibilities are equal, and we cannot deprive the child of the basic right to do what he can, but also require the child to assume the responsibility of doing things.
We must let children understand that some things can be done according to their own preferences, but some things fall within the scope of children's responsibilities, such as self-care of personal life, management of work and rest time, completion of learning tasks, etc. These belong to the "self-responsibility list" and need children to complete independently.
Of course, in the case of limited personal ability and can not be completed, the child can turn to the parents to determine the specific content of the help, such as what step they have already done? Where else do parents need to support them?
Only under the premise of freedom and trust can children's self-discipline ability be cultivated little by little.
When applying the Self-Responsibility Checklist, parents need to pay attention to the following five aspects:
1. Don't turn your child's responsibility into a parent's.
2. Let your child learn to bear the consequences of their own decisions.
3. Respect the child's personality and physical and mental development needs.
4. When children encounter difficulties, parents should give appropriate guidance rather than dominance.
5. Start from the child's internal drive and guide the child to be independent.
epilogue
In order for children to achieve the transformation from other disciplines to self-discipline, in the final analysis, it depends on the parents' educational attitude and correct educational concept.
When a parent always does what he or she would have been able to do, the child loses the ability to self-manage.
On the contrary, when parents let their children boldly do it and create an experience opportunity for their children to feel a sense of accomplishment, the children will gradually learn to take responsibility and control themselves in the process, and slowly achieve the purpose of moving from other discipline to self-discipline.