Self-fulfilling prophecy is a common phenomenon in psychology, meaning that people will unconsciously act according to known prophecies, and the end result will often confirm the occurrence of prophecies; It also means that the expectations of the outside world for others will affect the behavior of the other party, so that the other party acts according to expectations. The well-known "Rosenthal effect" is a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy.
Many examples in life can be explained by self-evident prophecy. Taking job hunting as an example, if a person thinks that he is likely to be admitted to the company he will interview, he will actively prepare in action, from resume to clothing to the interview process will be carefully planned, and the final possibility of being admitted is greater. On the contrary, if a person does not have much confidence in the new position, he feels that no matter how much effort he makes, he is useless, and it is likely that he will react negatively, perfunctory, and eventually be brushed off because of poor performance. After the incident, he may also say to himself, "I knew this would happen!"
The utility of self-evident prophecy in children is more pronounced for two main reasons.
First, because children's own cognition is not perfect, they mainly know themselves through external evaluation. If everyone around him tells a child that he is good and can do something well, the child will feel great and more confident and engaged in doing it, and positive behavior will often lead to positive results.
The second reason is that children care more about the evaluation of those around them. When adults have high expectations of him, children will try to reach their potential in order to meet the expectations of adults, because he does not want to disappoint others. When the child does a good job, he will receive praise, and these praises will also make him more convinced of his ability.
For parents, the "self-evidence prophecy" effect can be fully utilized to motivate their children to behave better and help them build confidence and progress.
Parents should be good at discovering the advantages of their children and often tell their children about these findings. "Mom found that you are very diligent, after each play to put the toys neatly", "Dad found that you sit very upright when writing, the distance between your eyes and the homework book is just right", "We see that you will insist on practicing skipping rope every day, you must be able to jump better and better", these words as long as it meets the actual situation of the child, parents can say more to them. Children who realize that they have certain strengths will be more willing to show themselves and be more able to adhere to certain behaviors.
Parents should also learn to use "self-evident prophecies" skillfully to help their children face setbacks. Self-evident prophecies can help build confidence in children, but they can also hit children and manifest themselves when they are not behaving well. Taking the exam as an example, if the child's grades are not ideal, and the people around him criticize him for this, the child will think that he is bad and even unwilling to make an effort. The result of not working hard will once again lead to unsatisfactory performance, forming a vicious circle, which is also a kind of self-evident prophecy. However, this is the kind we don't want to see.
In a similar matter, the practice of the inventor Edison's mother is worth learning. Edison contracted scarlet fever at the age of 7 and fell ill for a long time, causing deafness. He went to elementary school at the age of 8, but after only three months of studying, the teacher thought he was incompetent and persuaded him to quit school. When Edison returned home, he was upset, and his mother said to him, "The teacher said you were a bad student, do you feel ashamed?" But my mother did not think so, and I swore in front of the teacher: the school thinks that you are a low-energy child, unable to educate, and I will educate you well at home, no matter what, to make you the first class person in the world. ”
As if to confirm his mother's prophecy, Edison, under the guidance of his mother, eagerly insisted on studying, whether winter or summer. His mother's good educational methods led Edison to develop a keen interest in reading. Driven by his interest, he not only read a lot of books, but also looked at ten lines and recited them. At the age of 8, he read the works of Shakespeare and Dickens, the most important playwrights of the English Renaissance, and many important historical books. By the age of 9, he could quickly read difficult books, such as Parker's Philosophy of Nature and Experimentation. Later, he created countless inventions to benefit mankind.
Edison's story amply proves the validity of self-evident prophecy.
However, parents should not be blind when using this effect, but should take into account the child's own abilities and interests, and set reasonable goals for the child, and do not give the child too much psychological pressure. Otherwise, when the child can't achieve it no matter how hard he tries, he may fall into self-doubt and abandonment, which is contrary to our original intention.
This article is original by "Guo Lifang Psychological Studio", welcome to pay attention to, like, comment, the article is not reprinted.