A mother came to me to complain that since her daughter went to high school, she felt that she was becoming more and more humble as a parent.
Sometimes parents just kindly care about their children's learning status, but children are like gunpowder, and parents can only quickly silence in order not to cause greater contradictions. Sometimes even just a few small things, parents in the living room more than a few trips, watching TV when the voice is a little louder, will make the daughter angry. Now parents have to be careful at home so as not to provoke their daughters.
Since she was a child, she has not beaten her daughter, she has not scolded her, there is only one child in the family, the family loves her, and this mother does not understand, where does the problem come from?
In fact, from a psychological point of view, it is normal for adolescent children to have this situation.
Adolescent children begin to develop self-identity and desire independence, while the child's brain is not yet mature and the prefrontal cortex is not yet well able to control negative emotions. Psychologically want to be independent, in reality there is no ability to be independent, this psychological imbalance will lead to a variety of adolescent problems in children.
A 15-year-old girl once came to me for help, saying that she always confronted her parents and made them angry, but most of the time she didn't mean it. She just doesn't want her parents to treat her like a child anymore, she wants to prove to her parents that she is right, and she wants to be approved by her parents. Therefore, sometimes the child's rebellion is not disrespectful to the parents, and the parents have to find the reason behind this.
When children are young, parents are the only way for children to understand the world. The child grows up, has more contact with people, has more ways to understand the world, he no longer fully agrees with what his parents say, he begins to think about their correctness, then the parents use the previous "power" to suppress the child, it will further escalate the contradiction.
Parents must see the changes in their children and adjust their own education methods accordingly in order to help their children successfully pass through puberty.
For adolescent children, parents should have a sense of boundaries in their education, respect the child's privacy, and don't care too much until he is willing to share it with you. Parents should not interfere in what the child can do on his own, the child is not as weak as the parents think, believe in him, let him let go and do it.
The famous American psychologist Scott Pike said in "The Road Few People Walk": "True love is not simply giving, but also includes appropriate rejection, timely praise, decent criticism, appropriate argument, necessary encouragement and effective supervision." ”
For adolescent children, parents' understanding, acceptance and respect are what they need most, and use wisdom and love to guide children to run forward.