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Tagore: "When you cry about missing the sun, you have to miss the stars again." ”
The meaning is easy to understand, you miss the sun has become a thing of the past, you cry because of it, and your mind is full of only sadness and regret, so that you will ignore the other good in front of you, which is a double loss. The sun you miss will not let you see again because you cry, the beauty you miss when you cry for miss, and it will not stop for you because you are crying.
Isn't that also true of life? When you realize regrets, everything has become the past, and you will not be able to save anything by crying for it, but will miss other goodies in life.
Or, when your eyes are full of sadness, you can't see the world with optimism. You think that fate is against you, but in fact, it is you who magnifie the sadness, that you yourself are not living in the present moment.
This is true for everyone, and the way of thinking and the perspective of the problem are important. For example, if someone has an unhappy marriage, since unhappiness has become a fact, if you cry only for misfortune, you will not solve any problems, and it will delay your appreciation of the beauty in life. And if you look at it from another angle, if there is a problem, you will solve the problem, and when you can't solve it, you should give up bravely and start again, and the existing misfortune will disappear, just like the experience summarized by the following reader.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
Once upon a time, I firmly believed that crossing others is equal to crossing oneself, and helping others can also make yourself happy. However, since the unfortunate marriage, I have gradually lost my opinion that ferry people are so important.
Let me ask you, if a person can't even cross himself, what else can he talk about? People who deserve to help themselves, helping others at the same time can give themselves a sense of accomplishment, of course, very good, but the problem is, not everyone is worth your help, not to help everyone can give you a sense of accomplishment.
My ex-husband was a man who didn't deserve my help, and while saying "I would have divorced him if it wasn't for the kids" sounded like excuses, the truth is, if I hadn't been for the kids, I would have left him a long time ago.
His problems were: he was not self-motivated, couldn't do down-to-earth work, was full of thoughts of being both easy and profitable, and betrayed the marriage, and he never participated in the education of his children. If because I give a lot, he can be good to me and the child, I can not worry about him, the problem is that I have given so much, in exchange for betrayal and nagging, what is the point of me continuing to pay.
I know that marriages want to run, and I know that some men need wives to fulfill them, and I've tried more than once to fix our marriage, but it didn't work at all. Maybe I didn't use the right method, but later, I didn't want to waste time on him anymore. Let me live for the child, let me live for him, I can't do it, there are not many years left in life, I just want to live for myself.
When he mentioned divorce, he said: "You are 50 years old and divorced, who dares to want you!" He thought that this could scare me, thinking that saying such things would make me dispel the idea of divorce, but I did not know that I had overlooked a very important fact: in the past few years, I did not rely on men to live, but he relied on me to live, I don't care if there is anyone after the divorce, I have no intention of remarrying, but he, divorced me, see what he does!
Some people stand in his shoes and say I'm selfish, and I don't refute them. I don't want to be selfish, but there is no way, this marriage has made me understand a very realistic truth: crossing people, sometimes it is better to cross yourself.
As for the question of how to live life, I have not seriously thought about it before, so I will be confused and take a detour. And now, just let me have the opportunity to seriously think about how to live in the future, I will definitely plan my life well. I know that there are not a few people who have similar encounters in reality, and I sincerely hope that others can also be brave enough to pursue their own happiness, not to be bound by the so-called good atmosphere, after all, living according to the standards set by others may not be happy.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
The last words of the reader touched me. Someone on the platform once suggested that I should not write short questions in parents, saying that the orientation is not good. I know that she is well-intentioned and thinks that thanking the so-called well-oriented things is to cater to the standards and at the same time to my advantage, but what I want to say is that covering up the unbearable side of reality does not make the problem disappear and does not make the unfortunate person happy.
Take marriage, there are many people who go the wrong way for various reasons, is it just to advocate that everyone does not divorce and do not quarrel, and the marriage will be happy? Absolutely not! Some people's marital problems can be reconciled, and some people's marital problems cannot be reconciled, and there are a group of people who are not willing to waste time to reconcile, they have the right to re-pursue happiness, and it is the key to solving these people's problems, and it is more meaningful than blindly singing praises.
For example, the previous reader, she herself said, perhaps she tried to solve the marriage problem of the wrong way, but later, the ex-husband repeatedly taught, she has no heart to waste time to persuade him to change the evil, for people like her, but also blindly advise her not to be impulsive, blindly suggest that she spend time to adjust men, there is really no need. Now that she has decided to pursue happiness again, she deserves support and blessings.
When personal interests and happiness are not involved, the secular standard of right and wrong can be very clear. But when it comes to personal gain and happiness, the world's standards of right and wrong become blurred. This means that if a person is happily married, she can certainly decide that not divorcing is the right way; but for people who are unhappy in marriage, it is not enough to tell her that not divorcing is the right way.
Having said that, there is a crucial issue that cannot be ignored, and the previous reader also mentioned that she had not seriously considered how to live before, which is why she took a detour later. For others, if you don't want to take the wrong road and then correct it, the simplest way is to live more seriously, be cautious, and make careful choices at each intersection of life, so that you can take fewer detours, do less repairs, and go more smoothly.