First of all, the conclusion: whether it is complaining about the parents' parenting style or trying to understand the parents, the essence is that you have felt pain, restraint, and want to escape from being in the shadow of your parents... At this time, only by completing the process of separation from parents can you be independent and become the person you want to be.
01 There is nothing wrong with resentment but remember that this is not the end and the end
You know that parents have their limitations, and even some parents have tried their best to do their best, they are helpless, you even understand that they may also have the pain of the original family, weak self-awareness and so on... But you can still retain the power to hate, are they wrongly justified and shouldn't be held responsible for the results? The result, in particular, is that the child is not treated reasonably well and suffers a lot of trauma.
In other words, most people's attitudes towards their parents often have two parts: reason and emotion.
Rationally respect, understand, and appreciate their love and dedication, and agree that almost all parents love their children, but the limitations of their parents and their times may cause them problems in education. However, it is precisely because of the problem of their education methods that some students suffer emotional harm when they are young, and even affect their growth and health, hinder their own development, and even be confined to pain, vulnerability, grievance, fear, anger, hatred...
When you grow up, you allow yourself to hate, not really hate your parents, nor do you push your dissatisfaction with life to your parents by hating your parents, but you are willing to truly see and acknowledge all your heart, it has love and hate for your parents, there is gratitude and dissatisfaction, there are touched and wronged... You are willing to make yourself a complete person and allow yourself to hate your parents, but hate is not the goal, reconciliation and love are.
02 Understanding is not about indulging but about finding your true self
Have you experienced a repressive education, such as being denied and criticized for everything about yourself, whether it is study, hobbies or the small things of daily life; have you been wrapped up in the control of "in the name of love", and constantly working hard to fill your parents with guilt and pressure, such as "you are my greatest hope", "the meaning of my life", "I have worked so hard for you" and other words...
I believe that many students will resonate, because such a model seems to often cultivate hard-working children, but even if it can make children progress, it also has a huge destructive power - let children lose themselves, suppress themselves, and live for their parents. Gradually, it will not only appear in front of the parental relationship, but also affect all kinds of interpersonal relationships. As the true self of the child itself, it has always been suppressed intentionally or unintentionally by its parents, and has never come out, how can it not live in depression and repression?
Therefore, I said earlier that please allow yourself to express your hatred for your parents, because this is the beginning of reconciliation, especially for you, this is real, that is what needs to be recognized, and it needs to be allowed slowly.
Remember, understanding parents often requires reconciliation with yourself first. Presenting real emotions and emotions is the key to self-reconciliation. When you accept that you have a lot of hatred and settle down, you can begin to understand your parents from a broader perspective.
You will find that the love of your parents is true, but the repression you once had is also true, after allowing hate, you will not deny the love and payment of your parents, but more is to see the real self, regain the freedom of the heart, no longer regard love as a burden, and be able to look at love and relationship more smoothly.
Written at the end, among those who have complained about the problems with the way parents are educated, are you? So, do you feel guilty when you complain?