Original | Pregnancy
Zhong Meimei is on the hot search again!
Yes, it is the "funny teenager Zhong Meimei" who quickly became popular because of imitating teachers of various subjects, amused the whole Internet, and evoked the memories of several generations of campus life.
is also the one Zhong Meimei who refused the 15 million signing fee, studied in school steadily, and was admitted to the provincial key middle school.
Before that, he was humorous, optimistic, and eccentric, bringing netizens full of joy.
But this time, he cried in front of the camera, crying so much that he couldn't help himself, cried so hard that he cried so much that his heart broke all over the net.
The reason is because of the marriage of the parents.
After listening to his brief story, the pregnant mother felt very uncomfortable, and he said:
"When I was a child, from 8 months, my grandmother and my grandfather raised me.
At that time, although my parents had not yet divorced, there was no father in our family.
I thought his presence was superfluous, and I especially hoped that he would leave.
My mother and I lived in his shadow, and he would hit me and my mother.
I especially want them to get divorced.
In 2016, I had my sister, and their relationship, which was already unsustainable, lasted for another 4 years.
It wasn't until 2020 that they finally divorced each other.
I was so happy that I thought he was finally gone.
Because he is my father after all, I tried to forgive him, but I could never forgive, I hated him.
After the divorce, he still harassed me and my mother, and it was because of him that our family became very unhappy. ”
This passage made many people cry, and the pregnant mother also saw tears.
The father should be the strongest umbrella for the child, but for Zhong Meimei, all the misfortunes are brought by the father.
So much so that he was finally relieved after his parents divorced.
In the eyes of many people, maintaining a marriage at any time is for the good of the children, but for Zhong Meimei, her parents did not divorce early, which is the biggest harm to him.
Zhong Meimei knew that her mother loved herself, and did not divorce early just to give him and his sister a complete home.
But this kind of non-divorce also gave his father a "legitimate reason" to hurt him and his mother, allowing him to witness the two closest people "killing each other", which caused a huge impact and shadow on his psyche.
Although Mother Zhong has taken that brave step, the shadow left by his father still lingers on him, so much so that when he hears a knock on the door, he is very sensitive and often has nightmares.
For children, divorce is never the most terrible thing, long-term violence and quarrels at home are!
①
"If you fight again, I will kill myself!"
How many children are still living in this shadow!
In the minds of many people, some ideas are very deep, both before and now.
For example: rather tear down 10 temples and not regret a marriage!
For example: persuasion and dissuasion!
For example: endure for the sake of children!
In the view of the pregnant mother, if it is a small matter, a small contradiction, and a non-principle problem, it is to persuade and not to persuade, it is possible to endure it, and the husband and wife get along with each other.
But principled issues, such as domestic violence, gambling, drug use, and long-term cheating, must leave, leave quickly, and leave without looking back, and don't endure it for the sake of your children.
In the face of the issue of principle, persuasion and non-persuasion, blindly tolerating, is to push yourself and your children desperately into the fire pit.
Take long-term domestic violence and quarrels as examples.
In the comments on Zhong Meimei's sharing experience, many netizens shared their own experiences, because of domestic violence, because of long-term quarrels between parents, it really made many children live in dire straits.
"The knock on the door, it's really real, and the voice is loud, and I'm afraid of what will happen next."
"I slammed the door because my drunk dad didn't knock at all, and my dad was the reason for my late marriage."
"The sound of ping pong falling things, things falling to the ground one after another, even when I am in the school dormitory, the irregular banging sound upstairs, I will think of my mother when my parents beat each other, my mother couldn't beat and was thrown to the ground, and the two of them fought on the ground."
Violence from fathers, roars, insults, quarrels between parents, and the sound of smashing things in the house have become the source of the greatest fear in children's hearts over the years.
How cruel this is, they should have grown up carefree and happy.
The pregnant mother once brushed the message written by a primary school student after witnessing his parents quarrel many times.
"Dad, I'm in school,
Mom and dad don't want caojia (quarrelling),
Then chaojia (quarrel) I killed myself. ”
In just a few words, the sadness in the child's heart was exhausted.
In an unhappy marriage, the most unfortunate thing is the child, if you really think about the child, please end the violence and quarrel without rest with your own hands, instead of blindly enduring!
Because of the war between parents, children are cannon fodder under the fire of war, and there is nowhere to escape!
②
Violence and quarrels are rife in the home
The blow to the child is devastating!
If the relationship between husband and wife is only left with violence and quarrel, then the last thing that should be done is bottomless tolerance and subservience to survive.
Because what is more terrible than separation is "killing each other".
A while ago, Jing Tian first revealed her parents' divorce on the show, which was mentioned by her mother.
In Jing Tian's view, it is understandable that her mother filed for divorce.
Because parents couldn't live in their own childhood.
"My parents often quarreled over small things and then exploded!"
"I do my homework in one room, and they do it in the other room!"
"My parents' relationship actually hurt my upbringing."
In order to allow Jing Tian to grow up in a complete family, the two endured each other for decades, and this tolerance did not have a positive impact on Jing Tian's growth.
Living in such a family environment, Jing Tian can only rely on overeating to seek comfort.
And when the host Su Mang asked: "Do you still believe in love?" Jing Tian fell silent.
Sun Li's native family is also unhappy, and since she was born, her parents have been quarreling constantly.
"If it weren't for you, I would have divorced a long time ago..."
At the age of 12, Sun Li's parents finally divorced.
Because their father only gave them 2,000 yuan for living expenses, their mother had to work two jobs alone and work hard to raise Sun Li.
Because of her own experience of this story, Sun Li was deeply disappointed in men and became resistant to marriage.
Vowed to be an unmarried man and not to marry in this life.
Fortunately, she met Deng Chao and slowly healed the pain caused by her native family!
There is also a question and answer on Zhihu, which reads: "How much does living in a family where parents often quarrel affect children?" ”
Countless people have told their stories of blood and tears and the shadows caused by their parents hurting each other.
"I wish I died, I wanted them to divorce, I wanted to die when I heard them arguing, I wanted to be deaf."
"It is obviously an innate suffering, but I want to spend most of my life to redeem."
"Why don't I die, why don't they divorce!"
"Gave birth to us, destroyed us!"
"They often say that they don't divorce because of me, in fact, I want to say that a family that quarrels every day is not as good as a divorced family!"
It's really a heart-wrenching, a child who has grown up in a violent and quarrelsome environment for a long time, and TA's despair is really unimaginable.
The Thai short film "Parents Quarrel is a Horror Film for Children" describes the impact of domestic violence on children's hearts from the first perspective of children.
The loud quarrels and fights of parents are like the roars of ghosts in a horror movie, which frightens the children into crying and at a loss.
So if a marriage is really devastated, leaving only endless violence and quarrels, don't endure for the sake of the children, the children do not need your sacrifice.
What children want most is a happy, healthy and sunny mother;
Instead of a mother trapped in marriage, miserable, depressed and numb, pessimistic and desperate, trapped in the beast!
④
Marriage is for happiness, divorce too!
Every mom struggles when she can't continue her marriage.
Some mothers even encounter principled problems such as domestic violence and cheating in order to give their children a complete home.
But girls, when they really encounter these problems, for children, divorce is really not so scary.
Because a marriage full of gunfire will not affect children less than divorce.
Therefore, if it really comes to the time when the marriage cannot be repaired, it is better to stop the loss in time than to barely maintain it for the sake of the children.
I got married for happiness, and now divorce too.
If the marriage is sure to be irreparable, then we will change the way to let the children feel love to the greatest extent possible.
(1) Communicate with the child in time and allow the child to be sad
Parents divorced their children will definitely have emotions, accept their emotions, and tell their children:
"Mom and Dad divorced because of themselves, and they have nothing to do with you, and there is nothing wrong with TA."
"Although Mom and Dad separated, Mom and Dad will always love TA, but Mom and Dad need to change a lifestyle that makes each other more comfortable."
(2) Do not splash dirty water on the other child in front of the child
Unless the divorce was due to domestic violence or abuse, never impose your own vendetta on your children.
Professor Zeng Shiqiang once said: "Whether a single parent can teach the child out, just look at an indicator, that is, this mother, whether there is a day to complain about the child's father, if you always scold, the child must be finished." ”
After divorce, do not belittle the ex-spouse without a bottom line in front of the children, divorce is already a storm for the children, do not add to the hurt.
As Yi Nengjing said: "If you can't be a good couple, at least be a good parent." Marriage is our secret, for the sake of children, once in love, stop hurting. ”
(3) Don't treat children as children
Don't think that children are small, children are actually more sensitive and see more thoroughly than adults.
Just like Zhong Meimei, he knows that in such a marriage, his mother and he will become unhappy, so after his parents divorced, he was relieved.
So instead of trying to maintain a family that doesn't love at all for the child, it's better to explain it clearly to the child, and sometimes, he is psychologically more acceptable.
(4) Give your child company regularly
Divorce divorces the relationship between husband and wife, not parent-child relationship, parents divorced, children still have parents.
We must use actions to let children feel that the love of parents will not fade or disappear due to divorce, and both parents must regularly accompany their children.
Just like the article and Ma Yili, although they are divorced, the article will often accompany the children, and the article and Ma Yili will also get along harmoniously, so that the children can get the love from their parents to the greatest extent.
Just like Li Yapeng and Faye Wong, after the divorce, the two did not distance themselves from their children because of this, but the activities that the children should attend, they never fell behind, and the love Li Yan got was not less.
Perhaps it is because of such parents that the imperfect Li Yan can confidently say the words "I feel the most perfect".
Although the parents did not live together after the divorce, the love and trust from the parents did not decrease at all, as long as the children can feel the full love of their parents, they will become confident and brave.
So, if the marriage has come to an end, end it well, and don't let the children live in the shadow of adults every day.
You can't be a good couple, but at least be a good parent to your children!
Don't torture yourself in an unhappy marriage, and don't kidnap children without divorce!
Reference article
Part distribution map from the network @ "Amazing Sister 2" @孙俪 @ "Juvenile Troubles Institute"