He Suohuan, a writer of sexual affective psychology, writes love stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
Do you think that falling in love should be spent by boys or girls?
I would like to share 2 consulting cases with you.
Case 1: Blind date
The boy and the girl met on a blind date for the first time, and were introduced by relatives at home.
The two chatted online for a few days, felt good, and then made an appointment to go to the restaurant for a light meal on the weekend.
This meal cost 200 yuan, and the boy's original intention was: "I think this girl is not bad, I have a good impression of her, I will invite this meal; Even if I don't like her, I'll invite you for this meal. ”
When the boy was about to go to the checkout, the girl said directly: "This time the dinner, let's AA system, right?" That's fair. ”
The boy's confusion: "She took the initiative to propose the AA system, didn't she fancy me?" ”
Follow-up: The girl liked this boy very much, and the two were engaged after 1 month of love.
Case 2: Pursuing the Goddess
This is another boy's story.
He pursued the goddess for 5 months, how much do you guess he spent?
50,000.
It took 50,000 in 5 months, do you know what that means?
The boy worked for 5 years, only saved a total of 200,000 yuan, and as a result, he spent 50,000 yuan on the girl in just 5 months.
The big ones are: buy a bag, spend 8k; Bought a mobile phone and spent 8k; Bought a set of cosmetics and spent another 5k; Taking the girl to a foreign road trip for 3 days, together with buying various small gifts, this trip cost more than 10,000.
Plus the usual meals, dates, watching movies, and "ordering takeaway" every day at the request of girls.
The boy unknowingly became a licking dog for 5 months.
Guess what the end result is?
After the goddess livestreamed for a while, she left with the big brother of the list.
Leaving the boy with a confused look, it turned out that the clown was himself.
What problems did you find through these 2 consulting cases?
Let's start with a set of data.
How should this daily and dating expenses be allocated in the process of love?
Among them, 54.11% of women said that boys should bear the lion's share.
Only 7.83% said that the AA system is responsible for its own expenses.
Both of these options, in intimate relationships, are actually somewhat extreme.
-01
The best way to get along, how should the overhead be distributed?
First: Look at the "sense of proportion"
I talked to some readers, and I found that most people's relationship patterns look like this:
Both will spend money, but both have a sense of proportion; We will not let the other party give all the time, and we will never let the other party suffer.
Like what:
Boys invite girls to dinner, then girls often invite boys to drink milk tea and watch movies.
That's the sense of proportion.
Just like the girl in "Case One" above, what does her approach illustrate?
First, she wanted to show that:
"I won't take advantage of you, we have a first date, AA system is the best choice."
Secondly, she wanted to tell the boys:
"I also have the ability to be financially independent, I also have income, I don't eat and drink."
Finally, this is also a hint that girls have a good impression of boys.
Isn't this the best state of overhead in the process of getting along with the opposite sex?
Second: When the relationship goes further, you can establish a "love treasury"
This situation is generally more suitable for "couples after marriage".
My daily expenses with my lover are as follows:
We both take out a portion of our wages and put them in an account, or we keep them by one person.
This money is used for living expenses, love and human expenses at home.
Any remaining part will be saved up by each of them; The rest is left to be distributed reasonably in their own hands.
This is just my personal experience and ongoing pattern.
Maybe not for most people, but it can give some references to some newly married couples.
-02
Economic foundation, determine the "direction of love"
There is another set of data: how do economic conditions affect love?
Nearly 50% of them said that being in love was a big factor.
22.91% said there was a general impact.
Only 3.88 percent said there was essentially no impact.
I think, for those who say:
People who "have an economic base that basically has no impact on love" have enough economic conditions themselves.
It is enough to support them to pay all the financial expenses in the relationship.
But in reality, even if you love someone again, if only one person in the relationship is giving, then the relationship will not last.
The data show that:
40% of girls hope that their lovers will earn more than 10,000 yuan a month.
Don't forget, a hot search on the Internet some time ago:
Around us, there are still 95% of people who earn less than 5,000 a month.
Sometimes you have to sigh that some girls who are "unassertive" and have no judgment will always be affected by some poisonous chicken soup on the Internet.
They are gullible:
"The guy who doesn't spend money for you, doesn't love you"
"Boys who earn less than 10,000 a month are not capable"
"You must marry a boy who has a car and a house"
Beauvoir wrote this passage:
"The misfortune of a woman is to be surrounded by almost irresistible temptations. She is not asked to strive upwards, but is only encouraged to slide down to bliss. By the time she realizes she's been fooled by a mirage, it's too late and her strength has been exhausted in a failed adventure. ”
I think so.
When we talk about feelings themselves, we have to think about these questions:
Do you want love, or do you want material things?
Do you want to sit back and enjoy it, or do you want to give to each other?
Today's Topic:
How much are you willing to spend in a relationship?