Women hope that their husbands can be immersed in the happiness of marriage as they are, exude more enthusiasm, love, and hope that marriage is as satisfying as they expect.
However, many women may have experienced such a psychological gap, men were warm and considerate to themselves before marriage, but more and more indifferent to themselves after marriage...
▍ Interpretation of marriage psychological counseling: What should I do if my husband's enthusiasm plummets after marriage?
Yu Min and her husband have been married for 3 years and have a 2-year-old son.
Yu Min is a beautiful woman who is praised by everyone, cute and beautiful, many people pursue when she is single, and she chose the person who has the most perseverance and is the best for her - her current husband. Her husband is handsome and dashing, very good to Yu Min, and often picks her up to and from work.
Yu Min feels that beauty is a woman's greatest capital, and she will be coquettish, and her husband is obedient by her and envious of others.
After marriage, Yu Min quit her job and wanted to be a pampered and pampered little woman at home. At the beginning, the little couple was indeed affectionate, and her husband cared for her, and Yu Min felt particularly happy. But after giving birth, her husband's enthusiasm for himself plummeted.
Yu Min was very dissatisfied and made trouble with her husband, wanting to regain her husband's attention.
My husband is even more impatient, thinking that Yu Min can't do anything, can't cook, can't run the household, can't even coax children, and needs nanny help in everything.
Yu Min felt very aggrieved, her husband was saying that he was worthless, completely denying his own efforts, and did not understand his own hard work. Besides, she has always been a princess before, isn't it normal to do this?
And before getting married, my husband already knew ah, and promised to ask a nanny for housework after being together, why did he become disgusted with himself now?
Now, Yu Min is a vase in her husband's eyes, and her husband is becoming more and more cold to her, except for occasionally taking her out to support the scene, and rarely at home the rest of the time. Yu Min is confused and painful, and she doesn't know how to save her husband's heart?
Analysis of marriage psychological counseling
When in love, there is often a "halo effect" between boyfriend and girlfriend.
When two loving people are together, they feel that both have merits. This is when you first like someone, in fact, you just like a certain aspect of the other party's advantages, but after the expansion of the "halo effect", you make yourself feel that the other party is full of advantages.
But after being in love for a long time or entering marriage, you will find that the real other party is somewhat different from the other party you imagine.
Yu Min liked her husband at the beginning because her husband doted on her in every way, and married him because of the sweetness and romance when she was in love, but there is a difference between marriage and love: when you are alone, you only need to face your own problems; But when you live with another person, you have to face your problems, your problems, and all the new problems that arise from your being together.
Many women, like Yu Min, believe that marriage is the guarantee of love, marriage makes love more natural, and after marriage, it can also be like hot love, passionate, and pampered by her husband.
However, it ignores the need to implement the reality of married life, the need to deal with firewood, rice, oil and salt, and many more family responsibilities on the shoulders. It is ignoring these that many people who have just entered marriage will feel confused and lost in marriage, quarrels and conflicts due to various things, and watch the relationship between two people become turbulent, very helpless.
In the face of this situation, we may wish to re-examine the real married life from a realistic perspective and make some adjustments to "keep the relationship fresh" for the two.
01
Happiness requires a combination of romance and practicality
To get married means to give in to many worldly things.
Married life is realistic and trivial, and although people pursue passion, romance, and freedom, most marriages tend to be flat.
All marriages will inevitably go through trivialities, disagreements, run-ins, husband and wife hand in hand through ups and downs, they will love each other harmoniously for a lifetime, if they can't go, they may part ways.
Young couples who have just entered marriage need to adjust their mentality, after all, there is a certain gap between life and imagination. There is only love and romance in life, which may only exist in fairy tales, and realistic happiness requires a combination of romance and reality.
Couples can do "worldly" things together, such as cooking together, or cooking alone and washing dishes alone; Spend time with children; Greeting parents and elders together, etc., so that the days can be implemented into reality, become solid and stable, rather than floating in the air all the time.
02
Recognize the transformation of your own role
From daughter to wife to mother, this role shift is a challenge for women to face in marriage. In marriage, the husband and wife play different roles, and only when they cooperate with each other can the marriage be long-lasting.
After the birth of the child, the two-person world between husband and wife has become a "three-person world", and how to balance the relationship with the partner and the child has become a challenge between the husband and wife.
In this process, many men will feel neglected, feel that their wives focus more on their children, and neglect their attention and warmth to themselves, and if they don't get it, they will stay away and seek outward.
For example, invest more in work, socialization, etc., and slowly separate from the family; Some women will feel that although the child is born, but they are still a "little girl" in their hearts, not ready for the "mother", in the face of the child's needs, crying, some powerless, incompetent, panic, at this time more need of the husband's support, care, if not get it, feel that the husband does not understand themselves, do not love themselves.
In fact, this state may be related both to our partners and to our own failure to adjust our roles in time: not enough mental maturity to be competent in many roles, and not yet accepting the fact that there are "gains and losses" that come with the increase in family members.
03
Grow yourself and promote a virtuous circle of marriage
Yu Min felt that her husband treated himself as a vase, did not respect himself, did not give himself enough love and thoughtfulness, and felt that he was not respected and cared for, which made her angry and unbearable.
When she tried to express her dissatisfaction and quarrel with her husband, it did not change the impression in her husband's heart, but made it more difficult for her husband to appreciate her, and the situation still did not develop in the direction she expected, but became worse: not only did she not get her husband's love, but even pity and sympathy were not obtained.
If the partner does not respect himself in marriage, it may be that the partner does not know how to appreciate and be considerate, or we ourselves have not taught each other to respect and appreciate ourselves.
If neither husband and wife are willing to change first, the problem may become a dead knot, and finally become a stubborn disease, which engulfs the marriage. Once one party makes changes first, the other party will also be affected, no longer adopt the previous interaction method, and begin to try new interaction methods to maintain the balance of the relationship, so as to slowly form a virtuous circle and break the original vicious circle.
In the face of her husband's coldness and fleeing, Yu Min may wish to reflect on her shortcomings in marriage, change appropriately, grow herself, and become an increasingly mature wife and mother.
For example, more and more can live and enjoy the joy of ordinary life; More and more powerful, can understand the difficulties of the husband, tolerate the bumps in the marriage, and learn to give warmth and care to the husband; More and more loving, becoming more and more skilled in taking care of children, and able to pull husbands into parent-child relationships...
When the family becomes like a "home", warm and loving, the marriage will naturally return surprises.
Conclusion of marriage counseling
Marriage management requires ability and wisdom, and business skills also need us to learn, try and explore slowly.
If you are troubled by emotional management, parent-child relationship, and family conflicts in marriage, do not know how to solve it, or know the solution, but do not do it well due to insufficient inner strength, you can seek the help of a professional marriage psychological counselor to improve your strength and ability, look at the problem from multiple perspectives, and inject fresh energy into the marriage.