He Suohuan, a writer of sexual affective psychology, writes love stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
For marriage and family, the man determines the height of the family, while the woman determines the pattern of the man.
Families run only by men are not delicate enough;
Families run only by women are not peaceful enough.
Only when men and women work together, make joint efforts, and strive to run the family well, can the pattern of a family become bigger and better.
What is a man's greatest wisdom?
It is four sentences: filial piety is not better than brothers, poor do not blame fathers, bitter do not blame wives, anger is not fierce.
-01
Filial piety is no better than brother
This phenomenon can often be seen:
In a family with many siblings, whoever is filial to his parents must "compare".
If I pay more, then I will suffer;
If you pay less, then you take advantage.
In fact, they don't understand what home is, what parents and children are.
Your filial piety to your parents depends entirely on you and has nothing to do with others.
If your siblings are not filial, that's their business.
Good and bad are in people's hearts.
Whether you do well or not, whether they do well or not, is in the eyes of the onlookers.
Moreover, how much you give, don't your parents know yet?
There is an example in my hometown.
In a family, there are 4 brothers.
The boss is out of town and goes home at most once a year;
The second eldest is in a foreign country, and basically does not return home all year round except for a little living expenses for his parents.
The third and fourth live in their hometown, but the third is not filial, eats, drinks and has fun, and even ignores his wife and children.
Only old and young, hard work and complaining.
Although the old and young life is not very good, he and his wife are very sensible and filial.
Parents are sick, and all kinds of big and small things in the family are almost all the fourth running errands.
It is time to take money and get money, it is time to run errands and errands, and the fourth did not complain.
Before their parents died, they went to notarize the family's two houses.
One set is taken out and given to the fourth separately; After the other set was sold, the money was divided equally among the brothers.
Don't feel filial to your parents, giving too much is a loss.
In this matter of filial piety, how can there be no loss or loss?
Our filial piety is to have a clear conscience, to set a good example for our children, to show our sense of morality and responsibility, and has nothing to do with others.
-02
Poor do not complain about their fathers
The conditions of my native family are also very poor, and my parents have not saved any belongings in their lifetime.
But I never complained about my parents.
I think that in their time, their life's efforts were not easy.
Maybe they're not good enough, they're not rich enough, but they've given me the best they can.
What qualifications do I have to blame them for not giving me a good family?
We can't choose our own families, but we lack the ability to decide our own lives.
As long as a person works hard and is willing to give, he will not have a bad life.
When you blame your parents, have you ever thought about who your parents should blame?
A generation has a generation thing.
My parents' ability is that I went to college, let me see the outside world, and let me have a plan for my life.
And my efforts are so that my children can live better than me in the future.
What is a family?
Family is the effort of generations.
Blaming one's father is a sign of a man's incompetence.
If you have the ability, you can get what you want with your own hands, which is admirable.
-03
Bitterness does not blame the wife
I saw a female netizen post:
She said that because she gave birth, there were some problems with her body.
Since giving birth, she has been taking care of her body while raising the child, and has not been to work for almost 6 years.
In these 6 years, her savings of more than 100,000 yuan have been spent.
At this time, her husband began to blame her:
"It's all because you're in poor health, that's why it's dragging down our family."
"If you hadn't been sick and in poor health, our family would definitely be doing well now; These years, more money has been spent on you than on children. ”
In fact, before the wife got sick, she earned twice as much as the man.
What kind of man is the least capable?
One is Xue Rengui, Pan Renmei and the like.
When he flew to the top, he abandoned his wife of.
The other is: if you have a bad life, you put all the responsibility on your wife.
Psychology calls this the "accusatory personality."
They are right, it is everyone else who is wrong;
They work hard, and it's their families who are holding them back.
There is no sense of responsibility, let alone respect the feelings of husband and wife.
-04
Angry and not fierce
There is a video on the Internet that went viral:
The child's father slapped the baby hard, and the surveillance filmed the scene and heard the child's "wail of pain."
After seeing the surveillance, the wife yelled at her husband: "What are you doing?" ”
The husband said disapprovingly: "I'm coaxing him to sleep."
Across the screen, you can feel this man's indifference and cruelty.
What kind of person will vent all his anger and negative emotions to his children?
Look at the comments of netizens:
Some people say: It is the child that affects his sleep, so the man loses his temper.
Some people also say: it is the husband and wife who quarrel, so the man vents his anger on the child.
Such a small baby, as a father, a man, how can he get such a cruel hand?
Whether in the workplace, social relationships or intimate relationships, if a man does not even know how to love and respect his wife and children.
You say, is such a man reliable?
Even the people closest to him, he will not respect, will not give, has no sense of responsibility.
Who do you think he is willing to care about?
A man's greatest wisdom is to run his family well, be filial to his parents, and love his wife and children.
The pattern of the family is the pattern of the man;
The height of the family is also the height of the man.