One day in 2020, in a hospital in Dalian, two old couples with gray hair tearfully asked the media for help, facing the camera, and cao Zhaogang, who was rickety, said with a sad face:
"Daughter, when will you come back, your mother will not live for a few days."
At this time, the mother Liu Yuhong next to the camera was already full of tears, and the teardrops of the bean could not stop flowing down, making the media reporters on the side feel a pang of heart.
Through the narration of the two elderly people, we learned that they were diagnosed with cancer not long ago, Cao Zhaogang suffered from kidney cancer, Liu Yuhong had breast cancer, because the family was poor and had no money to treat the disease, they usually had to live on low insurance.
Their only daughter, who had not returned home for 20 years and had not been in contact with her parents for 17 years, now knew that their time was running out, so they pleaded with the media to help them find their daughter.
So, what the hell is going on? Why did the only daughter suddenly evaporate after studying abroad, and where is she now?
Hope that the girl will become a phoenix
In 1979, a cute girl was born in a family in Lushun, Dalian. Her arrival made her parents happy, as she was almost 30 years old when she was born. Many of the 30-year-old people in the same village have already had a second child, and even some families have given birth to a third child. But they only ushered in their first child, the eldest child, which made the couple very excited.
They named their daughter Cao Qian, high hopes for this newborn girl, eager to hold in their hands, pain in the heart, parents have been Cao Qian as a boy to raise, hope that Cao Qian can grow up to become a talent, do not stay in the mountain village to live a hard life, in order to cultivate children, the husband and wife will put all their energy on the daughter Cao Qian, all the good food in the family, good use, first close to Cao Qian.
A rural family, Cao Qian has not done a little work since she was a child, the only thing she can do is to read and study; Cao Qian is very smart and has not lived up to the expectations of her parents, and she has been a top student in the class since she went to school, and her grades have always been at the forefront, and she is often praised by teachers. With such an outstanding daughter, the husband and wife also have the capital of pride, and whenever they talk about their daughters, the two of them are proud.
As Cao Qian slowly grows, her parents' hopes for her are also getting bigger and bigger, hoping that she will become more and more excellent, and paying more and more attention to Cao Qian's studies. On weekdays, in order to create better learning conditions for only children and strive for better learning resources, the family's expenditure continues to grow.
Cao Qian threw herself into her studies, and communication with her parents became less and less, and her parents ran for money almost every day, and gradually, their relationship with their daughters also cracked.
Sometimes, Cao Qian will also feel sad about her tired parents, after all, the parents' efforts, she is in the eyes, therefore, she sometimes wants to take the initiative to take on some housework, reduce the pressure of parents, but every time at this time, parents will only say:
"Housework or something, you don't have to touch, you just need to study well, only by reading well, can you have a future appearance, can you honor your ancestors..."
At the beginning, Cao Qian was full of emotions when she heard her parents say this, but as her parents paid more and more attention to her academic performance, coupled with the increase in academic burden, it also brought a lot of psychological pressure to Cao Qian.
In fact, parents do not care whether Cao Qian can do housework, in their eyes, the daughter is outstanding, excellent is the most important, in addition to reading and learning, other things can be put aside. Sometimes, as long as Cao Qian went to do something else, her father would be angry and would ask her to study in a particularly harsh tone.
Parents do this, the intention is good, but let Cao Qian, who is in the rebellious period of youth, and the contradiction between them is getting bigger and bigger, she does not understand why her parents only value their own learning; and parents do not understand Cao Qian, we have given everything for our daughter, why should our daughter have conflicts with us.
Usually the work pressure is high, the husband and wife and Cao Qian lack communication and exchange, the two sides have been deadlocked, and neither of them wants to calm down with each other to communicate.
The rift between them made it impossible for them to maintain a normal relationship, and their contradictions finally broke out after Cao Qian's college entrance examination.
Forced to choose
In 1998, Cao Qian took the college entrance examination, and after coming out of the examination room, she felt relaxed, and finally ended more than ten years of hard reading in the cold window, and finally could temporarily relax and enjoy life.
Growing up in the north, she is very eager for the Jiangnan water town described in the book, and she hopes to take the opportunity of the college entrance examination to study in the south and feel the romantic smoke and rain of the beautiful scenery of Jiangnan.
But when she told her parents about this idea with joy, she was strongly rejected by her parents, who did not give her room for negotiation at all, the daughter was an only child, and the parents did not want her to leave at all, insisting that the daughter must stay in the northeast.
The husband and wife believe that they only have such a daughter, and they have worked hard to raise her, how can they be willing to let their daughter leave their side and go to the south to study? Moreover, if a girl is in the South, where she is not familiar with her life, what if something happens?
In their view, no matter where their daughter is studying, she can only stay in the northeast to work in the end, so why delay outside for so long? The husband and wife said that they did not agree with Cao Qian to go to study abroad.
Originally, cao qian's learning career in the past ten years made Cao Qian very depressed, especially when she went to school, she felt great pressure around her parents, who did not allow her to do anything other than let her study.
She can rarely go out with her friends like other children, she feels that she lives under the supervision of her parents every day, and she thought that she could rely on this opportunity to have a little private space of her own, willfully, and live her own life, but her parents did not agree to go away.
Under the coercion and inducement of her parents, Cao Qian had to choose to stay in the northeast, knowing that she had no financial ability, could not withstand the repeated persuasion of her parents, and finally went to college in the northeast.
I have to say that at this time, Cao Qian is an obedient child, but Cao Qian's compromise has not been forgiven by her parents, in addition to the choice of her daughter's university, her parents have interfered, and in the choice of profession, her parents also strongly require Cao Qian to do it according to her own choice.
Parents believe that girls are best to choose a teacher training major, become a teacher after graduation, not only have a stable income, the work is also very decent, in their cognition, teachers are the best profession, as well as winter and summer vacations, there is a certain rest time.
Her parents strongly demanded that Cao Qian apply for Liaoning Normal University and become a teacher in a nearby city after graduation, so that her daughter would not be too far away from them.
However, Cao Qian was not interested in being a teacher, she wanted to choose her favorite major, at that time, Cao Qian was very interested in foreign languages, she wanted to learn foreign languages, do a translator after graduation, or engage in finance is not bad.
Parents do not agree with the daughter's ideas, for this reason, Cao Qian and her parents quarreled, Cao Zhaogang saw the attitude of her daughter, in a hurry to give Cao Qian a slap, and this slap, but also let the relationship between father and daughter gradually drift apart.
In the end, Cao Qian was not able to get her parents, or applied for Liaoning Normal University, which is a school and major that she did not like, compared to her happy parents, Cao Qian was so unhappy, but after going to college, Cao Qian could live on campus and temporarily leave the supervision of her parents.
After leaving her parents, Cao Qian suddenly found that life had become better, and there were no longer people around her to restrict her behavior, and she could go shopping with her classmates and live freely.
Perhaps, the previous study life was too hard, after reading the university, Cao Qian was not interested in all the things related to learning, and gradually, Cao Qian began to skip school, from a former top student to a poor student, in the first semester of the final exam of the university, Cao Qian actually had five homework subjects.
At this time, Cao Qian was a little nervous, she knew that such achievements could not be made worse than her parents, and an inexplicable sense of fear grew in her heart.
At this time, the school came to the news, there is a place to study abroad, which makes Cao Qian's eyes light up, she remembered that she did not go to the south to study is a pity, this time can seize the opportunity to go abroad, if you can study abroad, then you can completely get rid of the shackles of your parents.
Thinking of this, Cao Qian signed up alone without notifying anyone, in order to be able to get a place to study abroad, Cao Qian was no longer as idle as before, she began to study seriously, soaking in the library all day, after more than a year of hard preparation, Cao Cao finally got a place to study abroad in the second semester of her sophomore year.
Parents who are drifting away
Studying abroad was originally a great joy, when Cao Qian wanted to tell her parents the news with a nervous mood, she was worried that her parents would not agree to her study abroad, after all, when she first filled out the college entrance examination volunteer, applying for a university in the south, her parents were resolutely opposed, can going abroad work?
However, what surprised Cao Qian was that her parents did not oppose her studying abroad, perhaps in the eyes of her parents, studying abroad is a proud thing, a matter of "Guangzong Yaozu", something that can make neighbors envious, and the face of her parents also has light.
It may also be because when filling out the volunteer form, the parents and daughters have already had a stalemate once, and if they make another stalemate this time, it will make the relationship between parents and daughters go to extremes... This time, the parents did not oppose Cao Qian's decision.
In short, Cao Qian went abroad to study. In September 2000, Cao Qian's parents cobbled together 70,000 yuan to get Cao Qian on a plane to Hamburg, Germany.
For this separation, neither her daughter Cao Qian nor her parents thought that since this separation, they had never seen each other again.
When she first arrived in Germany, due to the language barrier, Cao Qian enrolled in a language school in addition to her usual homework, just to learn German as soon as possible. But people's energy is limited, and the heavy courses occupy most of Cao Qian's time, making her unable to work and study anymore.
Cao Qian is just a child of an ordinary family, in order to send her to study abroad, the tuition fees are all cobbled together by her parents, the relatives who can borrow have long been borrowed, the living expenses left by her parents to Cao Qian are not very much, and not long after arriving in Germany, Cao Qian encountered the embarrassment of shyness in her pocket.
When Cao Qian called her father to ask for some living expenses, before she could finish speaking, she ushered in her father's admonition as always, and her father questioned her whether she usually wasted money for eating, drinking, and having fun, whether she did not focus on studying, and the more her father said, the more angry she became, and questioned Cao Qian: You know that if you want money, you want our lives.
In the face of her father's fierce and serious words, Cao Qian could not interject at all, and at that time, cross-border long-distance calls were very expensive, eight yuan a minute, Cao Qian could not explain to her father in detail, nor did she have time to explain to her father, so before her father finished, she hung up the phone.
Afraid of the rebuke of her parents, Cao Qian, who usually saves money and frugality, and later even the phone is not willing to call, which makes the parents at home very incomprehensible, so every time Cao Qian calls home, they almost have to quarrel once.
In August 2003, Cao Qian finished more than a year of cultural classes in Germany, she was admitted to the University of Hamburg in Germany with excellent results, and the happy Cao Qian quickly called her parents to announce the good news, but when the phone was connected, Cao Qian had no time to open her mouth, and her father's reproach voice came from the phone: I thought you were dead, you had not called for ten months.
Scolding as always, cao qian suddenly felt physically and mentally exhausted, she did not respond to her father, but silently hung up the phone, this time, it was the last time Cao Qian contacted the family.
In fact, the father is not unsympathetic to his daughter, every time the daughter calls to pay for living expenses, cao Zhaogang although his mouth is not forgiving, but every time he hangs up the phone, he will call his daughter with money, a total of 33,000 yuan before and after.
The daughter's successful study abroad also made Cao Zhaogang feel extremely proud, and he praised his daughter every time.
But Cao Zhaogang would not have thought that her daughter would never come back.
At first, he thought that his daughter was busy with her studies, but as time went on, 3 or 4 years had passed, and Cao Qian's graduate school had graduated, but she still did not return to China, and even did not call home to report that she was safe, which made Cao Zhaogang and his wife Liu Yuhong more and more anxious.
The daughter is far away in Germany, and the husband and wife are also old, there is no way to fly to Germany to find the daughter, can only wait at home slowly.
An irreconcilable ending
Time gradually passed a long time, in order to contact her daughter, Cao Zhaogang found her daughter's classmates, and the classmates did not have Cao Qian's contact information, just told Cao Zhaogang and Liu Yuhong, Cao Qian had told them more than once that her tutoring was too strict, usually in addition to reading and writing homework can not do other things, some seemingly ordinary entertainment activities are her luxury, so she wants to be free, wants to leave her parents.
The classmate's words were like pouring a basin of cold water on Cao Zhaogang and his wife.
The couple returned home in frustration and thought about what they had done, but they still could not understand what their daughter had done, in their opinion, the parents used all their strength to provide their daughter with school, just to be able to make their daughter live a better life in the future, why in the end, the daughter complained about them in turn?
However, no matter how much the couple did not understand, they could no longer ask their daughter in person.
In 2018, Cao Zhaogang, who is in his seventies, suffered from a variety of diseases, and the two people had no fixed financial resources, because they still had daughters and could not apply for the family allowance for losing their independence, so the two lonely elderly people suffered from illness alone at home.
This year (2018), Cao Qian has left her parents to go to Germany for 18 years, and has not called for 15 years, which means that Cao Qian has been missing from her parents for 15 years.
Later, Cao Zhaogang learned that he could go to the embassy and ask them to help find his daughter, and he stepped into the door of the embassy with the last glimmer of hope, but the phone number recorded in the embassy had long been cancelled as an empty number, and they had no way of knowing Cao Qian's whereabouts.
Cao Zhaogang could only return home in frustration and continue the long wait. But what they were waiting for was not news of their daughter's return, but a notification of cancer.
In 2020, Cao Zhaogang was diagnosed with kidney cancer, and his wife Liu Yuhong was diagnosed with breast cancer, which crushed two helpless old people, who no longer felt how important their daughter's achievements were, but only hoped that their daughter could come back to see them, so they found the media, hoping that the media could help find the whereabouts of their daughters.
Therefore, there is this scene at the beginning of the article, and the father Cao Zhaogang cried to his daughter in front of the media reporter: Your mother may not have a few days to live. The father also lowered his posture and played the family card so that his daughter could go home to see. After all, the only daughter, Cao Qian, has not returned home for 20 years since she went to Germany, and has been missing her parents for 17 years.
The video was released to the Internet, which aroused the strong attention of netizens, Cao Qian was also labeled as a white-eyed wolf, netizens looked at the old man in the ward who was very upset, so many netizens began to ask German friends to look for Cao Qian, and the local Overseas Chinese Association in Germany was also looking for Cao Qian.
But Cao Qian was like the evaporation of the human world, and she couldn't find it no matter how to find it. Some people even began to wonder if Cao Qian was still alive.
It wasn't until July 2021 that someone finally got the news of Cao Qian.
According to insiders, Cao Qian has now become a professor at a local university, changed her name and surname to live a new life, and as for other information, the parties are reluctant to disclose more.
Knowing the current situation of their daughter, Cao Zhaogang and his wife still could not see their daughter, until they died, Cao Qian did not show her face. Cao Qian's uncle scolded her for being a white-eyed wolf and not filial piety.
After the death of her parents, someone found Cao Qian, found that she has not only become a family, but also a child, when asked about her parents, Cao Qian's face did not have too much emotion, but said lightly, she originally came to Germany to get rid of her parents, and now she has a family and has no time to go home.
Some people say that reconciliation with our parents is our lifelong practice, and the current generation of elderly people, when they were young, lived too many hard days, did not have too much culture, and did not know how to communicate with their children.
Young children, but do not know how to understand the hardships of their parents, resulting in the people closest to them have become strangers. When young people complain about their parents, do they also think about their parents who face the loess and turn their backs to the sky? In fact, it is not that they do not love, but they just do not know how to express love.
The author believes that Cao Qian's example is by no means an example, parents have worked hard all their lives, who is it for whom they are working hard and who are they busy? Parents do their best for their children, and parental love is the most selfless love under the heavens; even if the parents' communication methods are not right and there is a problem with the educational methods, the children should not treat their parents so resolutely (20 years do not go home, 17 years do not contact their parents).
Not to mention, filial piety is the core virtue of our national culture, and legally, Cao Qian cannot escape the obligation to support her parents.
![The only daughter, Cao Qian, went abroad for 17 years, and her parents did not return home after they died, so she changed her name and surname to live a new life[fig]](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAP///wAAACwAAAAAAQABAAACAkQBADs=)