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1. Be a kind and sincere person
Kindness and sincerity are a sieve that slowly allows people who are truly worth dealing with to stay.
Maybe slower, maybe pain points, but what is screened out is the most precious, the most worth waiting for.
2, can not use praise correctly, it will also become a negative force
Speaking taboo and negative language to children can create barriers to their brain development and learning.
But doesn't that mean saying two words, "You're awesome," "You're smart," and "You're talented," that will make your child smart and omnipotent?
The answer, of course, is no.
It turns out that some ways of praising children are both counterproductive and counterintuitive.
After all, the reason we praise children like crazy with "you're so smart" and "you're so talented" is that we think that when children think they're smart, they become smart.
By common sense, when you feel good about yourself, you can do whatever you want.
Isn't that the case?
Professor Dweck rejects this claim.
After World War II, such praise began to appear in the United States.
Parents and schools are asked to praise their children for their intelligence and make them "feel smart" in the hope of stimulating their motivation to learn.
In those days, kids on baseball teams could win or lose, or hit a home run or a strikeout.
Parents can also be distressed by criticism, which means permanent harm.
Carol Dweck said: "If praise is not used correctly, it becomes a negative force, an anesthetic that makes students negative and dependent on the views of others." ”
——Excerpt from "The Language of Parents"
3. Willpower
What we want is for a child to be able to make immediate judgments about how to accomplish it, no matter how difficult and time-consuming it is, when confronted with it.
When you think about this, you become the kind of, steady and motivated adults that your parents have always expected.
Professor Dweck's scientific research shows us that achieving this goal requires a stronger determination to study hard, rather than relying on innate abilities.
What we want is for children to find ways to overcome obstacles when they face them, rather than simply giving up.
We call this determination "willpower."
It's clear that no matter how smart you are, or how genius you are, without the support of willpower, those qualities will become increasingly irrelevant.
——Excerpt from "The Language of Parents"
4. The difference between "smart" and "tenacious"
The most important differences between "smart" and "tenacious" are:
When people who think they are inherently "smart" can't do something, they choose to give up.
The reason is that they're not smart enough, or someone is manipulating the thing behind their backs, or the thing itself isn't important.
When "gritty" people can't do something because it's just the first of an infinite number of attempts, they won't give up until there's a real fight.
They believe that with hard work, they can do anything.
Intelligence is fixed for naturally "intelligent people."
And "tenacious" people will make up their minds to succeed.
Intelligence is only a key factor in their success.
——Excerpt from "The Language of Parents"
5. Parents praise style to shape children's thinking patterns
Professors at the University of Chicago have studied the role of praise in early childhood.
In the study, the types of parental praise received by children aged 1 to 3 were investigated.
Five years later, they followed the children to determine whether their mindset (growth or fixed thinking) was related to the type of praise they received.
And the end result is impressive.
In the first phase of the study, they found that by the time their children were 14 months old, parents had developed a "compliment style" — praising the "smart" type and praising the "hard work" type.
Five years later, the researchers found that children who were often praised for their process—that is, praised for their efforts before the age of three—were more likely to have growth-oriented mindsets by the time they were seven or eight.
Even more surprising, the study found that growth mindsets predict math and reading skills in second to fourth grade.
There is evidence that these children tend to believe that their success is the result of hard work and overcoming challenges, and that their abilities can be improved through hard work.
——Excerpt from "The Language of Parents"