Wen 丨 Mao Mama Carol
With so many information interviews for the Winter Olympics, what impressed me the most was what she said:
"I'm sorry for the other moms, but my mom is better than you."
Listening to more praise for other people's children, the first time to hear praise for their own mother, I think any mother will be very happy to hear this sentence.
After reading all the interviews with Gu Yan (Gu Ailing's mother) on the Internet, I first came to a book Written last year, "Parenting Rules for High-Achieving Children".
Gu Ailing not only meets the definition of "high-achievement child": (prodigy is not equal to high-achievement child)
Her mom is also the "master parent" mentioned in the book, combining the advantages of all parenting styles.
It will not force the child to learn anything, but will create an atmosphere for her.
However, because "if you come to China for ten days of classes, you can top the United States for a year", you will take your children to Haidian for classes.
Was able to drive 8 hours a week to take my daughter to skiing.
Support my daughter to try differently, "because after trying, I found that it doesn't matter if I don't like it, if I like it, I will earn it." ”
Coincidentally, the parenting experience of Shi Kaisheng's father, who I wrote about before, when talking about his own educational philosophy, he also had similar ideas:
American education can cultivate top-notch talents, and Chinese education can cultivate high-quality students.
Once you understand the difference between Chinese and American education, you can understand that the slow-heat education road is a road that combines happiness and learning.
Neither will it cause compensation psychology because of over-learning, nor will it lose the ability to learn, which is a good education for children.
So, as the Parenting Rules for Highly Accomplished Children says:
"It seems that there is no asian or American parenting style that has a clear superiority.
On the contrary, beyond race, socioeconomic status, level of education, creed and nationality, there is a strong similar parenting style that raises these highly accomplished children. ”
They don't be their children's teachers, they are their children's students
Gu Yan said in an interview that when she was a child, she seemed to feel bad if she didn't get 100 points, but now she wouldn't instill such an idea into Gu Ailing.
As long as the knowledge is mastered, there is no need to be a complete person.
The goal of a master parent is never to make his child what his parents imagined, or to become a replica of his parents.
They are more about helping their children become their best selves.
It's like the difference between a gardener and a carpenter.
When we take care of a plant, a garden, we create a protected nurturing space for the plant.
This requires us to sweat hard, tired of ploughing the land, and fertilizing hard.
But even if we are not gardeners, we all know that no plant is guaranteed to become the tallest, most beautiful or longest-blooming plant.
Good gardeners work to create fertile soils that nurture the entire ecosystem, where different plants have different strengths and beauty, but also have different weaknesses and difficulties in growing.
But in the long run, plants growing in this changeable, flexible, complex, dynamic system will be stronger and more adaptable than the most carefully cared for greenhouse flowers.
After understanding this principle, it is not difficult for us to understand why Gu Ailing can have so many identities as a bully/athlete/fashion icon.
"Super Master" Shi Kaisheng is also a multi-faceted development of swimming/piano/astronomy/programming.
Because this is the common characteristic of master parents: good at unleashing the full potential of their children.
Turn yourself into a role model for your children
Compared to that, Gu Yan was no worse than her daughter.
Peking University high-caliber student, 22 years old to study in the United States, from biology to business administration.
In 1993, she worked for Wall Street Lehman Brothers, where she successfully ran a $200 million loan for China, setting a precedent for the Chinese financial community to successfully conduct commercial loans on Wall Street in the United States.
In 1997, he returned to China to start a business and established one of the earliest venture capital companies in China.
Gu Yan used her own actions to perfectly interpret what is the life of a big heroine.
Even Gu Ailing herself said that her grandmother and mother were the women she most admired, "very confident, very brave, very powerful."
"When playing role models, master parents demonstrate to their children the qualities they can aspire to and pass on their qualities to the next generation by influencing, rather than forcing."
Social learning theory holds that children learn primarily from observation, such as watching others act, listening to others' words, and then imitating, which is the first practical opportunity for children to follow their parents.
Social learning provides a foundation for children to form assumptions about their own potential and decisions.
If you want your child to be a kind of person, first work in this direction yourself, and slowly the child will receive the impact.
No amount of good preaching can replace a good example.
Think of failure as fun homework
In the documentary, Gu Ailing fell to her head while skiing, had a concussion, and her brain went blank.
Gu Yan calmly helped her take off her helmet and hat, asked someone to take her down, and found a doctor for her.
Regardless of fever, injury, and frequent situations, Gu Yan can also maintain her usual calm and composure.
This stable emotion will eliminate the child's fear of failure and let the child understand that risk is also part of life.
Children will not be allowed to live their whole lives in fear of failure, and every time their lives change, they become afraid and uneasy.
The growth mindset and fixed mindset proposed by Carol Dweck have changed many people.
Dweck and her Stanford colleague Kyla Haimovitz found that parents' response to their children's failures can foster rigid or entrenched mentalities.
If a child doesn't realize well, shocking the parents, the child may feel scared and worry that he or she doesn't have the ability to do better. This will lead to the formation of a solidified mentality instead of a growing mentality.
Instead, Dweck and Hemowitz advise parents to see failure as fun homework and give their children some opportunities to learn to mature.
If you simply focus on academic performance, children will be concerned and praised for their (innate) intelligence, thus becoming arrogant or self-consciously superior, and as a result, they will waste their own intelligence.
Parents can choose to encourage their child's character growth by praising their child's character: children will use their sense of purpose and self-motivation, coupled with their inherently excellent intelligence, so that children will become better.
Finally
But it's all based on the lowest logic — unconditional love and support nourish the child's growth.
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