Since the reform and opening up, the mainland has made tremendous progress, food and clothing is no longer a problem for most people, and people have begun to pay attention to the learning of the next generation. Many people even spend huge sums of money to buy sky-high school district houses, just so that their children can get into a good school.
So, is it true that as long as you enter a good school, you can have good grades, a good university, and a good future?
What is visible is the result, what is not seen is the reason
In fact, good schools also have scum, and ordinary schools also have bullying. It is undeniable that the teaching resources of good schools will be slightly better, but having good resources will not necessarily have good grades.
Good schools are more like the concentration of school bullies, rather than students because they enter a good school to become a school bully, if the child's own learning ability is not good, hard to squeeze in, will only lead to children inferiority, more than worth the loss.
This reminds me of two of the greatest inventions of the medical community of the 19th century—
anaesthesia
and
disinfect
。
Anesthesia, all that is addressed is visible pain.
People are struggling and shouting in pain, and an anesthetic can calm him down and have an immediate effect, so the promotion of anesthesia is very smooth. Even in the ancient days of the mainland, Hua Tuo began to use hemp boiling powder, that is, anesthetics, in that era.
Disinfection is the elimination of viruses that people can't see.
At that time, the italian doctors found that many doctors did not wash their hands after the operation, and then did the next operation, thinking that it was not paying attention to hygiene that led to the death of many patients, and it was recommended that everyone wash their hands frequently and pay more attention to hygiene. So the doctor was sent to an insane asylum because many people thought he was sick.
The results seen are only the results, and the invisible processes are the reasons
We only see that this school has a high promotion rate, but we don't know
Playing iron also needs to be hard
If the students' own learning ability is not passed, how many schools they change is useless.
Genius or stupid? The hand of fate is in the hands of parents
There is not much difference between the first and second grades, the polarization of the third and fourth grades, and the heavens and the earth in the fifth and sixth grades. As the grades get older, the gaps between the children get bigger and bigger.
As we all know, geniuses and fools are a very small minority in the crowd, and the gap between people should not be so big. Causing such a large gap, the problem must have appeared in the previous learning experience. For example, in the first and second grades, kindergarten, or even before the age of 3.
Just like the author's personal experience in the book "The Language of Parents".
The author is a cochlear implant doctor who gives cochlear implants to children with hearing impairments to help them hear the world. Zach switched to a cochlear implant when he was 8 months old, while Michelle switched to a cochlear implant when he was 7 months old. When they first heard the sound, both children were pleasantly surprised. But a few years later, Zach lives like a normal person, while Michelle enters a school for the disabled.
The author's long-term observation and visit found that after Zach could hear the voice, the family kept talking to him as soon as he had time, so Zach quickly talked like a normal person and went to school like a normal person. After Michelle had a cochlear implant, the family still treated him as if he could not hear, usually rarely talked to him, it was difficult to learn to speak, after going to school because of language communication difficulties, he rarely communicated with his classmates, and finally he could only go to school for the disabled.
The authors looked at many more families and found that what caused their difference was the input of language after changing into a cochlear implant. If you enter enough language, the child can become a normal person, and the child with less language input is still disabled.
Excluding individual special circumstances, ordinary children actually have similar life experiences to Zach and Michelle.
Every child is born with a blank sheet of paper, whether he becomes a genius or an idiot, whether he is a good person or a bad person, in fact, it is the parents or others who drew the "circle" when he was a child. In this life, if there is no special encounter, meet the person who has the ability to change his life, he will not run outside the "circle" in his lifetime.
There is a treasure mountain in the air, but it is destitute
In fact
The language of parents is a resource
。 This resource doesn't discriminate between rich and poor.
Two scientists from a long time ago, Betty? Hart and Todd? Risley proved this with experiments:
Within a year, the families of mental workers heard 166,000 positive words and 26,000 taboo words; the number of affirmative words heard by workers' families was 62,000 and the taboo words were 36,000; the number of affirmative words heard by families receiving welfare benefits was 26,000, and the number of taboo words was 57,000;
By the age of four, the vocabulary of children in the family of mental workers is 664,000 affirmations and 104,000 taboo words; among the vocabulary of children receiving welfare benefits, only 104,000 are affirmative words and 228,000 taboo words.
The huge differences between vocabularies shape the different personalities of children and even affect their entire lives.
How to communicate with your child with high quality?
The language of parents is very important, but it is not useful to talk about it. It is not to throw a TV or mobile phone to the child, and it is useful for adults to sit next to them and play with mobile phones.
There are 3 principles to follow for high-quality communication, called the 3T Principles. There is also a complementary principle that is especially important for parents today.
The first principle: Turnin empathetic attention
Example: Parents are reading picture books to their children, and children are playing with toys. Pulling a child to listen to a picture book is not called empathy, pay attention to the toy with the child, and then guide from the toy to the picture book, which is empathy attention.
Pay attention to what your child cares about and communicate in a way that your child can understand.
The second principle: Talkmore is fully communicative
For example, when eating, say the word "eat" to your child. It's hard for kids to understand and there's no way to give you feedback.
Use fewer pronouns, use more nouns, and speak so that children can associate the things in their lives with your words
A third principle: Taketurns take turns talking
For example, many parents will "order" their children not to touch this and not to move
Children are not robots, nor are they puppets of parents, but they have to take turns to talk to children and interact frequently. The way the command is given will only make the child stop exploring, cowering, afraid to try the things in this world.
Complementary principle: Turnitoff turns off electronic devices
For example, the so-called companionship of many parents is to throw a TV, mobile phone or toy to their child, and then play with the mobile phone next to them
Similar to the way of watching TV, for children is not empathy, no attention, no communication.
How did the bear child come about?
Ordinary children, hitting others or being hit by others, will have painful feedback, and then he understands that you can't beat people randomly. Children who often watch TV and grow up are very happy to watch cartoons and beat people, and they will not feel guilty about beating people in reality.
Conclusion: Every child is a gift from Heaven to us, whether poor or rich, we can have a valuable resource to give to the child, so that the child can grow up healthily and rush to his own life.
#父母的语言 #