01
Something happened not long ago
It gave me a new idea of what it takes to educate adolescent children
It turned out that my son's junior high school required all boys' hair not to be too long, no longer than an inch, so I urged my son to cut his hair on the weekend, because his hair looked very long
As a result, the son returned in less than twenty minutes, and at first glance it was much shorter
However, a closer look found that in fact, only the hair on both sides was short, and the middle part was still a little long, so I ordered him to go and cut the middle short, and the teacher said that the province was said
Unexpectedly, my son was very smelly and beautiful, and he looked in front of the mirror for half a day and insisted
"Okay, that's it, I'm too lazy to run"
So I tried again, but instead of listening, my son was more adamant that the hairstyle was very good, so I didn't care about him anymore
Who knows that the next day after school, my son returned home with a short hair, and when he saw that the middle one was also repaired, I asked him how to cut it again
The son was embarrassed to say, "If you feel trouble, you will cut it."
It is from this incident that I see that adolescent children, the so-called rebellion, are actually nothing more than to declare their sovereignty and protect their own self-space
As long as parents do not interfere excessively with them in the name of love, control them
Then the child's growth will be healthier, and they will have more time and space to think carefully about what they really want
The better the parents do the following things, the more "well-behaved" the adolescent children are, and the parents all look at it
02
Allow your child to have emotions
Many parents see that their children have negative emotions such as anger and depression
First of all, they will think of comforting the child, explaining the big truth to the child, and letting the child get out of the negative emotions as soon as possible, otherwise, the parents will have trouble sleeping and worrying about the child becoming "bad"
However, in fact, for children, this kind of interference and discipline of parents will often make them more angry, and they will be very impatient and rebellious
For example, he often scoffs at the nagging of his parents
Even direct quarrels with parents etc
And once the child shows resistance to the "concern" and nagging of the parents
At this time, parents will blame their children even more
In the end, the parent-child relationship reached an impasse
As parents, we must know how to accept our children's emotions
Give your child enough space to organize and digest their emotions
Only in this way can children experience the tolerance and love of their parents, will be willing to rely on and trust their parents, and the parent-child relationship can be more harmonious
03
Allow children to make mistakes
For children, if parents always do not allow them to make mistakes
Always like to help children clear all "roadblocks" before they step on the pit
Over time, the child's ability to face mistakes and setbacks will become weaker
As a result, when the child grows up, he becomes dependent on his parents
And once the parents' ability is not enough to solve the problem, the child's life will become precarious because of the inability to save themselves
As a parent, you must allow your child to make mistakes
Only in this way will the child continue to accumulate the ability to solve problems in the midst of mistakes
Only then will I be more grateful for my parents' efforts and help
And in this process, the child's self-confidence will also become larger and larger, which will also have a positive impact on the child's life
04
Allow children to "do nothing"
We often hear some parents say it before the holidays
"I signed up for a training class for my child and a camping activity, otherwise the child's holidays would be too boring"
Or on Saturdays and Sundays, parents will also arrange a full itinerary for their children, otherwise they will feel that their children are too "boring"
In fact, such parents are often not afraid of their children being bored, but they have too much anxiety and expectation in their hearts
Therefore, children are not allowed to "do nothing"
However, in a person's life, not every minute and every second is meaningful
Learning to be alone with yourself and "wasting" time appropriately is a very important thing
Therefore, as a parent, when the child is young, you must learn to "leave blank" for the child.
Allow your child to be in a quiet daze or do what they love
And don't always ask your child to do "useful things"
Like my son, he shows himself a movie every Friday night
At that time, my husband and I will not interfere with him, but let him enjoy his space to the fullest
It is precisely because of this that every time my son watches a movie, he will share his feelings with me
Remember, life should be tense and relaxed
When there is self-discipline, there are also times of "depravity", proper relaxation, people can think clearly about what they really want, and they will be more motivated to struggle
05
Allow your child to solve problems on their own
Many times, parents see that their children have encountered such and such problems
I can't help but want to help, and even want to help the child immediately "cut the grass and remove the roots" of the problem
The result is that the child misses the opportunity to grow
For example, there was a classmate in my son's class who had a little conflict with the same table
As a result, the parents of the classmate directly asked the teacher to change the child's seat
For children, in fact, they do not have too deep contradictions
As a parent, when educating children, when the child's growth faces problems
Parents can give their children advice and carefully help their children analyze the problem, but try not to help the child solve the problem by hand
Give your child a chance to express themselves and let them learn to face problems and solve problems on their own
Over time, children will have a deeper understanding of life, learning, social rules, and interpersonal communication
Then the next time they encounter a similar problem, they will not be at a loss
06
For adolescent children, their sense of self is stronger
Therefore, in their growth, they need their parents to give them enough self-space
Parents are asked to give their children a relative right to freedom not only materially, but also psychologically, allowing them to have negative emotions, allowing them to be bored, allowing them to solve problems and setbacks alone, allowing them to make mistakes
Only in this way can children accumulate their wisdom and experience step by step in the process of growing up
Exercise your abilities and courage, learn to manage your emotions well, and be grateful to your parents
On the contrary, if parents always impose their inner anxiety and expectations on their children, blindly impose on their children, control their children, and interfere with their children
The child's self-space becomes more and more narrow, so that over time, the child will rebel against his parents in order to gain freedom, or become cowardly and inferior because of his inability to resist
As a parent, when you ruthlessly accuse your children of disobedience, ignorance, and rebellion, remember to reflect on yourself first
Ask yourself whether the world you leave for your child is a pond or a fish tank
If what you leave for your child is the sea, then please believe that your child will definitely ride the wind and waves and go to the other side of happiness through his own efforts.
Well, today's content is here, see you in the next issue