This article is original 丨 good mother
One bedroom is a way out;
The bedroom is gone, and the way out is gone.
There is an old Chinese saying that "the daughter who marries out spills water", which means that after the daughter gets married, the hukou leaves the mother's family, the person also goes to the in-laws' house, and then returns to the mother's house to be a relative.
Even in modern society, this concept is still deeply rooted, and no matter how favored a daughter is at home, once she marries out, "going home" becomes "going back to her mother's house", and even the bedroom is gone.
After marriage, I went back to the door and found that the bedroom was gone! People who came over sighed: the bedroom was gone, and the mother and daughter became relatives
Girlfriend Xiaoli is the second oldest in the family, there is an older sister who is married above, and a younger brother below who is not married. Although not the youngest, he is the most pampered at home, and even his younger brother is letting his sister do everything.
Xiaoli is also very proud of her family status, often showing off:
"My father and my mother have never beaten me since I was a child, and I have left something delicious since I was a child."
"I'm the only one in our family who can't cook because everyone else will cook for me to eat"
"My sister is grown up, my brother is a boy, and every time I quarrel my mother will turn to me"
……
However, the family relationship that originally made her proud changed because of "marriage", and even had a big fight with her parents on the day of returning to the door, crying and running out of her mother's house.
The thing is this, 30-year-old Xiaoli free love married to the field, more than 700 kilometers away from home, coupled with the reasons for the husband and wife's work, the original 3rd day of marriage has been dragged to the 8th day.
The long-awaited return door made Xiao Li feel mixed, and she rushed into the house happily, and after a period of greeting with her parents and relatives, Xiao Li wanted to go back to her room to lie down for a while, but when she pushed the door, she found that the bed was gone, all the furnishings in the house changed greatly, and her original bedroom became a storage room.
"Mom, what's wrong with my bedroom?"
"Oh, didn't you marry out, and you won't be able to use them in the future, but your brother's things are nowhere to be put, so they are changed to storage rooms."
"Why can't I use it, and I don't come back, and you don't tell me, so you change my bedroom?"
"You're so far away that how many times a year can you come back?" People are married, and keeping them is also a decoration. ”
Her mother's words made Xiao Li completely chill, she thought she was part of this family, but now she seems to have become an outsider, becoming "my mother's family".
In fact, many daughters will have similar feelings after marriage, originally the number of times to go home is not much, every time they go home to see their own bedroom things are less and less, and finally completely replaced, there will always be a feeling in the heart: the bedroom is gone, the mother and daughter have become relatives!
The daughter is married, is the bedroom still reserved? Parents need to understand: the bedroom is not just 1 room
The custom of Chinese is that when the daughter marries out, she is someone else's family, and things naturally have to be taken with her, and the mother's family does not need to stay in the bedroom, and the preference for sons and daughters, but it will alienate the feelings between mother and daughter.
I hope that every parent can stand in the perspective of the person who has come over, and try to save a bedroom for their daughter if possible, the main reasons are the following 3 points.
1, the bedroom is not only a room, but also the daughter's confidence
I believe that every mother knows that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will not be better than that of biological mother and daughter, and a good mother-in-law relationship needs the support of the mother-in-law's family, and the mother's family needs to give the daughter enough confidence.
Keeping the daughter's bedroom means that the daughter is a member of the family at any time, no matter when she is wronged, she can go home at any time, and the mother's family is the daughter's biggest backing, so that the in-laws will pay attention to the daughter-in-law.
2. Keep your daughter's bedroom and save a "thought" for your parents.
Many modern families are only children, and the family of one son is fine, but the family of one daughter is not so good.
After the daughter gets married, the parents look forward to the child's home every day, leaving a daughter's room can also send their thoughts and save a "thought" for the child.
3. Change the traditional concept of parenting and cultivate daughters to be independent
Since ancient times, girls have been raised to be a big girl who does not go out of the door, and the status of women in today's society is becoming more and more important, and many women are advertised as successful people.
Parents should also change the concept of parenting, do not blindly take "raising and marrying" as a task, but should cultivate girls' ability to be independent and autonomous, and adapt to social progress and development.
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