According to statistics, among the population born in 2021, the proportion of second-born babies is close to 40%.
The only child envies the liveliness of the multi-child family, but does not know that in the multi-child family, the contradiction between the children is also doubled.
Sugar Mom's family has two babies and deeply understands the troubles of multi-child families. There are more children in the family, and "fairness" seems to be a problem that can never be solved. Compete for food, for toys, and possibly for rooms.
Sister angrily smashed her sister's bedroom, only because she didn't get the "big room"
In most cases, the contradictions between children are small fights, and they are reconciled after a few minutes or hours, but recently a little girl's approach has surprised sugar mother.
The girl's mother asked for help online, and the younger daughter smashed her sister's bedroom. Not only was the room ruined, but the parent-child relationship had also dropped to a freezing point, and the mother did not know what to do.
When the family was out, my sister smashed the glass window of her sister's room. The bedroom cabinets were smashed and the bed was partially removed.
My sister's books were all torn up by my sister, her toys were smashed, and even her quilts and clothes were cut with scissors. The sister's operation can be said to be devastating, and Sugar Mother can imagine the scene just by looking at the text.
The reason why my sister was so angry was that after moving to a new home, my mother divided the large bedroom to my sister and the small bedroom to my sister. Therefore, the sister always felt that her parents were biased, and after a quarrel, her emotions exploded.
The "law of fairness" of parents, children are often reluctant to accept
After everyone saw this incident, some people felt that the parents were indeed biased, why can the sister only live in a small room? This "law of fairness" is the fuse, no wonder children do not accept it. She may be the usual backlog of grievances in her heart, will smash the room, in exchange for other children will also be angry.
Some people also think that the sister can do this, maybe she is usually spoiled, and the sister just listens to the arrangement of the parents, but the room is smashed, which is really wronged.
Sugar Mom has been thinking for a long time, in the future, my two children will grow up and face the situation of separate bedrooms. So what I see as fairness, will children like it?
Combined with the smashing of the bedroom, I realized that adults feel that they are not biased and that it is reasonable to deal with things, but they cannot convince children.
This mother also thought about fairness, but the room is not the same big and how to divide it is not right. Therefore, on the grounds that her sister was born first, according to her age, she gave the large room to her sister, and the remaining small room was left to her sister, and the result can be imagined that her sister did not accept this reason at all.
This kind of disguised fairness of parents is like saying to their children that "the big should let the small ones", but in the matter of dividing the rooms, it is reversed. How exactly can we achieve the "fairness" that children want? It's not that hard.
To achieve the fairness that their children need, parents can do so
Children seem to be preoccupied, but in fact they don't care much about material things. They care about how much love they get, and in the following ways, they can make children who pay attention to fairness more satisfied.
First of all, let's discuss it together before making a decision
Many families only inform their children of the outcome when making decisions, but do not involve him in the discussion process, and in the end the children do not even have the opportunity to ask questions and refute them.
In fact, the mother mentioned earlier, her "law of fairness" is the fuse, the child will inevitably have grievances and anger in their hearts, no wonder they do not accept the result.
If she had lived in the bedroom after consultation and made both daughters happy to accept, she would not have made a scene of smashing the room.
Secondly, the people who divide the goods are exquisite
Small items, such as how to divide food fairly, can be divided using the classic cake sharing method in game theory. It is to let one child divide first, and the other child choose first.
In this way, the first child will be fairly divided to ensure that he does not suffer losses. The child who chooses the item first gets the one he likes, and the child who divides the item, even if he chooses later, will not have doubts about fairness.
Finally, have the child customize the "compensation conditions"
Items such as cakes and fruits can be divided into almost identical portions. But when it comes to the larger decision of dividing the bedroom, it is difficult to choose. Sugar Mom prompted that at this time, it is necessary to come up with a fair "bottom card".
When you encounter a situation where one condition does not achieve fairness, it is necessary to find a balance in another angle.
Take the bedroom at the beginning of the article, for example, one large and one small, two rooms, there is always someone to live. Then you can have your two daughters make a plan before moving into the room. If you want to live in a smaller room, how to arrange it will be happy and feel fair.
When the conditions are all customized, then use the simplest and fairest way to use the lottery to let the child live in his choice, and perhaps he will love his small bedroom more.
Candy Mother's Heart:
Between siblings of the same father and mother, the feelings are deeper than adults imagine. Many children have conflicts between them, often originating from years of unfair treatment by their parents, leading children to attribute their grievances to one more child in the family.
The fairness given by parents may not be what the child wants, and intentional or unintentional eccentricity will only pit two children. Therefore, before doing something, you can refer to the above 3 principles to be fair to both children.
【Today's topic】Do you think that the method of dividing the eldest daughter into a large bedroom is fair?