Do fruitless relationships still need to be discussed?

In a relationship, there are all kinds of variables. It is likely that in the early stages of the relationship or in love, it can be foreseen that the relationship has no results. So, in the face of fruitless love, do we still need to talk about it? Some people think that it is necessary to talk, even if they know that there may not be a satisfactory result, but they must also leave no regrets when they remember in the future; some people think that they should give up, and it is a waste of time to talk about love without results.

Recently, the China Youth Network Campus News Agency conducted a questionnaire survey for 686 college students across the country on the topic of "whether love without results needs to be discussed", and the results showed that 394 college students chose to need it, accounting for 57%; 292 college students chose not to talk about it, accounting for 43%.

Talk about it, don't leave regrets for the future

Lan Mei, a university student in Shaanxi, believes that fruitless love also needs to be discussed. She said that no one thing can see the results at the beginning, and all love needs to be managed. If there is still no result after the careful management, after separation, I will not have regrets because I have not fought hard, and I will end the feelings that I have managed with my heart, which is also a result.

Zhu Wen, a college student in Liaoning, also chose to talk about it. He said that love is a manifestation of inner youth, and many adolescent ideas and practices are immature. People should do what stage things at what stage, and when they are young, they can do some things that belong to youth.

He said that even if he knows that there may not be perfect results in the future, even if he knows that the current idea will be immature, this is the trace of youth, and it may be regrettable that if he does not do it now, he will leave regrets in the future. "I chose to talk about it so that when I look back on my youth in the future, I won't feel sorry for that time."

Aside, no result is a waste of time

Liu Kun, a university student in Hebei, believes that it is a waste of time to talk about love without results. "Most of the fruitless relationships are not enjoyed and sad."

Hu Lili, a college student in Jiangxi, also believes that there is no need to talk about fruitless love. She said that love is very pure, and there may be some girls who enjoy the process of falling in love and like boys' thoughtfulness and small romance during love, "but my ideal love is a boy and I can go through many years." ”

Hu Lili believes that the love process may be very beautiful, but she wants to feel the bland triviality of two people together after falling in love. "I prefer to try a fruitful relationship, maybe the girl is more delicate in her mind, and I prefer the feeling of being in love."

Expert: Love can have results is the best, no results can also create results, but can not be forced

Do fruitless relationships still need to be discussed? Tan Yongmei, a psychology teacher at Guilin University of Technology, a national second-level psychological counselor, and a registered psychologist of the Chinese Psychological Association, believes that first of all, it is necessary to be clear about what is fruitless love. In layman's terms, there is a result that ultimately leads to marriage. And the fruitless love, can be understood as knowing that falling in love with each other will not get married, but just like this person, is to be with each other, typical is unilateral love, obstructed love, love is easy to get along with love and so on. "In the final analysis, fruitless love is nothing more than the following: can't be sought, can't be loved, can't be treated."

She said that love can have results is the best, but there may be variables after marriage, marriage is not the only result of love, many love can not go to the palace of marriage. In fact, life is full of fruitless love, assuming that no result of love can not be discussed, then most of the love does not need to be discussed. "However, everyone still chases love, to taste the sweetness and bitterness of love."

"Love is a high-level emotion, autonomous, intense, and exclusive, which makes it difficult to control with reason." Tan Yongmei said that under the control of strong emotions, people in love usually have a narrow vision, can only see the needs of the moment, only identify the choices at this moment, and it is difficult to see the long-term possibility. This is the limitation of love, but also the charm of love. Love has no fixed form, and if you have to make sure you are foolproof, then there won't be so many exciting love stories in this world.

She believes that any relationship is dynamically changing and developing, and there is no static relationship. Just because there is no result now does not mean there will be no future; Conditions are created without conditions, and results can be created without results.

Tan Yongmei said that the goldstone of love quality is whether each other has really paid and whether they have devoted themselves wholeheartedly. Even if they don't end up together, they don't regret each other, because they have loved, worked hard, tried their best, and contributed to each other's best selves. In this journey, nourish each other and achieve each other, because of this relationship, each other has become a better version of themselves. Personality has been grown and perfected, emotions have been improved and improved, and they know more about intimate coexistence, and they know more about loving and being loved. The whole person's realm has been sublimated, and they are all full of gratitude for this experience.

In this way, even if you are finally separated, there are no regrets, which is the best and most abundant experience in life. The experience of love is more important than the result of love, just as life is an experience, love is also an experience, and we do not give up life because of death, nor do we give up love because it may not be fruitful. ”

Tan Yongmei suggested that we must not give up our efforts because of the preset of a hopeless result, seeing the difficulties, we will begin to cower and tail, do not hold confidence, hold the mentality of breaking up, let go of the relationship, no longer manage love, and finally really separate, this is actually subjective abandonment and lead to no results, is irresponsible for love, is an excuse for their own inaction.

"Of course, creating conditions and creating results does not mean demanding." Tan Yongmei said that it has been determined that there is no result, but it still blindly wants a result, endless entanglement, which is no longer the love that obeys the heart, this is a kind of obsession and delusion. "Behind the stubbornness is not love, but unwillingness. Love also needs to know how to make trade-offs, which is a kind of wisdom. Brave love when you love, and courage to let go when there is no result, this is the best gift to each other. (At the request of the interviewees, Lan Mei, Zhu Wen, Liu Kun, and Hu Lili are pseudonyms)

Source: Qing Xiaoxiao (ID: zqwqxx) reporter Li Huaxi

Editor-in-charge: Jiang Yujun

Review: Wang Longlong

Review: Wang Cenyu

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