Love is wanting to touch and withdraw the hand. — Salinger, "The Catcher in the Rye"
People who have been insecure since childhood are always very awkward and tortuous when they talk about love.
Why do you obviously like a person, but you have to push him away step by step?
Why did I want to say I love you, but blurted out that I didn't care?
Why do we crave love at the same time, but we are a little self-contradictory and afraid of love?
People who lack security " only "do" to make the other party prove that they love themselves enough
Perhaps because of my job as a counselor, there are often many female friends who come to me for help when they encounter emotional problems, and Hua Hua is one of the most frequent.
Hua Hua and her boyfriend have been in love for 3 years, and when it came to the stage of talking about marriage, one day she said to me: "I think he doesn't love me at all, and I want to break up with him." ”
This is the hundredth time she has broken up, and each time it is her boyfriend who has been reconciled after painstakingly recovering. I didn't care, thinking she just couldn't help but "do" it again.
Unexpectedly, after a few days, Huahua's boyfriend found me: "We have completely broken up, she will definitely come to you, and then please help her."
I was shocked: "Why is it really divided this time?" ”
"It's normal for a girl to do it at all, but I've never seen her do it, and after a few years of getting along, I almost broke down."
"Let me go to buy her a favorite zhou black duck at two o'clock in the morning; I killed her in a meeting without answering her phone; every day I had to look through my mobile phone to check the post; when there was a quarrel, she broke up, I can't remember how many times she mentioned it, and each time I had to go to the hard way to save my life for several days to get through..."
"After 3 years of such a life, can you still live it?"
"No, you can't." I told the truth, "You are not easy, but the fundamental reason why Hua hua did this is that she loves you too much, and even feels that you are more important than herself." She's trying to grab you too hard, it's just that her method is not right."
"It's too late to say this, she's exhausted all my patience and love for her."
I have seen too many girls like flowers, insecure they desperately ask for their partners, lost themselves in love, and finally forced their good boyfriends and good husbands to be unbearable and had to leave.
The root cause of these love tragedies is that they do not understand: security can only be self-sufficient from the inside out, and others will never fill the black hole of their own lack of love.
Security is so important in intimate relationships that it even determines whether we can have a happy love and marriage. So, do you know how your level of security is? If you don't feel safe enough, how do you fix it? The following "Relationship Security Assessment" can tell you the answer.