Light up yourself, illuminate the world, and the education of love is the future
Parent Questions:
Kids live on campus and come back every weekend. But my kids and I always get angry about small things, and it's often ends up with him going to school with anger.
For example, if he is asked to pack the clothes he takes to school, the child will have to ask me to accompany him to do it.
But I wanted him to be more self-reliant, so I didn't want to help him. The child will think that I am calculating, too clearly divided, and it is inevitable to oppose. Is it because I used to help him do too much?
And after entering puberty, the child is particularly prone to anger, but if I follow him, it seems to violate my original intention of making him self-reliant.
So I'm a little afraid of him now, I don't know which sentence will provoke him, what should I do or how to communicate with the child, he can understand?
Am I being too calculating, so he's calculating?
Dada Teacher:
Adolescence is a common obstacle for parents and children.
So how do we communicate with an adolescent child?
01 More affirmation of the idea of adolescent children
Puberty is an age group that is particularly affected by emotions.
Positive feedback from our parents can actually help children build a positive self-image. So we have to learn to affirm their ideas more.
For example, if a child says that he wants to pack his clothes together, he can reply, "Once a week, we can pack together, what a good opportunity for mother-child communication!" So happy! ”
(It doesn't have to be so dramatic and meaty, just say it in your own style)
For example, the child said not to be preoccupied, "This is really angry!" Boy you've really grown up! ”
Of course, for adolescent children, to affirm them, you can't routine, they can be refined. To the point.
This requires parents to observe more, "The last time I went to the second aunt's house for dinner, my uncle said you were coming, you put up with it, this is the atmosphere" (for example).
02 Tangled is not as good as going with the flow
Parents want to make their children happy, is a good original intention and goal; do not want to let the child rely on, is also a good wish and goal.
But let's not dwell on a certain point, let's go with the flow!
In fact, what makes children happy, without violating the principle, the needs of children can actually be satisfied.
Just like the mother in the text, in fact, the child only comes back once a week, and it is completely possible to take advantage of this to interact with the child's parent-child interaction, which is actually very important.
For example, not only to pack clothes together, but also to actively create opportunities for parent-child interaction, such as cooking together and playing Lego together (I often play with children).
In this process, it is very important not to pretend, to be really happy!
When you encounter something you really don't like, you don't do it, and use the "I sentence form" to speak: "I'm really not good at this, or don't do it, I'm also satisfied to see you do it."
It is good to let children not rely on the original intention, but in a way, parents can create other opportunities.
For example, going out alone for summer camp, traveling alone, going alone for family or parents, doing something for yourself that you haven't done before. In this way, he has both a sense of accomplishment and ability to exercise.
03 Parents should also love themselves and be role models
Parents should pay more attention to their emotions and inner needs. It is more important to make your life easier and more exciting.
In many previous cases, I actually met many children who had problems in adolescence, and they would always say to me, "I only hope that the atmosphere at home is a little more relaxed" and "I only hope that my mother doesn't have a sad face all day."
In fact, ah, the big truth they have listened to too much, how to do, do need to see the role model, the mother perceives that "is not too calculating", so you can try "do not calculate", and then see if the child will change.
04 Proper indication of weakness is a good idea
In addition, when necessary, ask the child for help, such as "Child, the mother's hand is injured today, help the mother wash her clothes!" ”
In fact, only people who are really strong will ask for help and show weakness.
If we do this, we can both keep the child out of dependence, but also strengthen the emotional link between the two of you, making the child feel that you need him, rather than you have been trying to "control" him (he feels).
Finally, this mother should also realize that the problem of adolescent children can indeed cause headaches for many parents, which is actually understandable.
But most importantly, parents take it easy, we appreciate their strengths from afar, keep our distance, and help them discover their self-worth in their future lives so that it's better.
At this time, the opponent of the adolescent child is himself, and as a parent, you will be their more powerful comrade-in-arms than yourself.
【Dada Happiness Answer】It comes from the real case that Dada teacher encountered in consultation or project.
Early love, rebellion, emotionality... These common problems of adolescence, in the most important primary and secondary school entrance examination sprint stages, inevitably make parents feel worried.
How to face adolescent children with the right attitude and can wisely help them make the most important choices in life, smooth transition, is a problem that every parent has to face sooner or later.
As a parent, do you have the same worries? Let's discuss.