What is the greatest cultivation of parents? A lot of people don't realize...

This article is transferred from: Wen Wei Po

To be honest, have you ever exposed a child's shortness?

For example, when discussing children, many of our parents are used to rushing to say that their children are not good.

Because I feel that it is more modest to do so.

For example, if someone praises the child for learning well, you must say that the child is not good, and you have to think about how many points to do.

Otherwise, I am afraid that people will say that you are proud and that you are inflated.

It seems better if it is also short in passing.

You see, we are actually the same, all of a sudden we have narrowed the distance and increased the amount of talk.

And sometimes, not for humility, just to knock on the child.

I think the trick of "revealing the short" works.

Because this is so that the child can remember the lesson and pay attention next time.

But in this way, the child's heart is resistant.

Carelessly, the joyful boat of motherly kindness and filial piety overturned.

Relatives have a high school child.

Every time I went to visit, the child's mother would tell me about her.

I said that in fact, the child is quite good, I see that he is quite conscious, and he does his homework seriously every time.

She would say, "Don't talk about him, unconsciously!" I often sneak a peek at my phone, clip it in a book, and think we don't know. Say he's also upset that he's throwing a tantrum. ”

"Don't listen to my mother, I'm not like that." Sometimes he would blush and argue with us, and sometimes he would bury his head and say nothing.

In fact, such a big child, if you hear your mother say this to others like this.

I certainly won't feel good in my heart.

However, there are many parents who are used to doing this and do not feel that they are excessive.

Look for the child's inadequacies, then zoom in, grasp and hold on, thinking that this is good for the child.

Not only do I usually chant every day.

I also like to talk to my relatives and friends.

I thought that by doing so, I would let the child listen to his own words and correct it immediately.

For children, it is better to criticize you in this way.

Because compared with criticism, children are even more unable to accept "revealing shortcomings".

Because sometimes criticism is there first, parents can take care of their own feelings and can accept it.

But sometimes the shortfall comes suddenly, and you don't even have time to react.

It all depends on the mood of the adults, and does not care about the occasion.

Perhaps I feel that the occasion is more serious, the more people, such a "crackdown on education" effect is better.

However, revealing the short does not make the child the way you expect it to be.

Every child cares a lot about their face.

Don't think that children are small and ignorant, you can casually joke or count them.

For example, some parents like to say in front of neighbors or guests: "My child is not good at reading, you look at him, several homework failed." ”

"You don't know, you don't pay attention to hygiene at all, you can not take a bath for a few days."

"I'm lazy, I don't do any housework."

"The writing is very ugly, and I want him to be serious and not dry, crooked like a drawing symbol."

"Singing is not good, the five tones are incomplete, and often out of tune, like noise, I am still very smelly and beautiful!"

This kind of unveiling, seemingly in small talk, feels understated, as an adult's talk.

But the harm to the child is enormous.

The story of the three people becoming tigers is actually known to many people.

More people say it, and what is false is said to be true.

You do this often, and it will only make the child feel that he is a very bad person, and he can't lift his head when he sees his relatives and neighbors.

Therefore, parents must protect their children's self-esteem.

Sometimes talk to your children in private, rather than in front of everyone.

Even if you're a well-intentioned joke, consider the occasion and the wording.

Once with his son, along with his cousin and cousin.

We rode in circles in the square by the river.

The little guy has always wanted to show his riding skills in front of his sister.

So I rode fast and said I could cross the steps.

As a result, the brakes were too strong in one lap, and when I stopped, I fell.

By the time I saw it, he had already hurried up.

Make a look like nothing is wrong.

If it wasn't for the crooked handlebars, I wouldn't even know he had fallen.

The brother said, "What a fall!" ”

He said no, he didn't stand still.

I said, "Isn't it too fast to ride?" ”

He also said it was okay.

It is to maintain our own small dignity, but we can't let us look down on him.

You can't do this in front of your little cousin, because your sister didn't fall.

Children also care about their own face.

Then go to maintain it, there is no need to puncture it.

Even if you feel embarrassed, stand firmly by your child's side.

One mother said that she once attended a year-end show held in the kindergarten.

Each class has a prep program.

Because the son's self-control from an early age is worse than other children.

For example, when the teacher says instructions, he can only understand half of the way, so he often slows down half a beat.

The teacher said that there was a queue and the other children might quickly line up.

But he would do his own thing where he was.

Or grimace at someone else.

To this end, I have also put a lot of thought into it and thought of many ways.

That time the children's class held a chorus program.

The boys wore small bows and white shirts and were handsome.

In the days before my son went to the show, he always did exercises at home, telling the child to listen to the teacher's instructions and arranging, and performing with the classmates.

But on that day, I was still very nervous.

The previous performances were all very good, but when it was time to change the formation, the son suddenly ran to the front of the stage and pointed to his mother, "Mom, Mom, do I sing well?" ”

At this time, some parents on the side began to discuss, "How can this child be like this, the performance is not over!" ”

Some quietly turned their heads to ear.

She felt embarrassed, but her son smiled brightly and waited for her answer.

At this time, she quickly bent down to the front of the stage and said to her son: "You are really great, hurry back to the team." ”

At this time, the son turned around and went to find a classmate.

She said she really didn't want to go up at that time, so she let the teacher deal with it or let the child go back on his own.

But she said she couldn't do it, because by doing so, her son would feel like his mother hadn't seen it.

When she returned home, she did not criticize her son anymore.

Just tell him that his mother has been watching, you are in the team, your mother can also see, the next time you stand in the team.

She said she knew that her son was a little special and needed more companionship to let him slowly improve.

If you still blame the child, expose the child's shortness in front of everyone.

Say that he does not understand things, does not follow the rules, that will hurt the child even more!

Being able to understand the child's shortcomings, and then being able to accompany the child to grow, is what parents should do!

Educator Spencer said, "When a child feels loved and trusted, miracles will soon appear before you." ”

That's what we should do.

Sometimes, seeing through and not saying it through is also a kind of respect

Have you ever noticed that children sometimes want to do something quietly and don't want you to know.

But you, who know your child well, have already understood his ideas.

So I said it out with a straight tongue.

The child is not happy and says it is not so.

You say that's it, and it ends up being unhappy.

It's like a magician's bottom has been revealed.

And you still look proud.

The magician is not thunderous yet!

I find myself making this mistake a lot.

Once after a meal I went downstairs for a walk.

I gave the key to my son to hold.

He was happy and felt able to keep the keys.

When I got home, when I got to the hall, I went with his mother first.

His mother held the door for him and urged him to hurry up.

But he walked slowly, the key in his hand shaking soundly.

"You didn't see it, people want to experience a door-opening ban on their own!"

Just then a father came in with his daughter.

He also laughed and said"Yes! Try to open the door yourself, the key in hand. ”

That's not wrong.

But I can also feel that our tone is a bit sarcastic.

It's as if we've seen through your careful thinking.

He was a little angry.

Breathlessly, he opened the door and rushed in.

We told him there was no need to be angry!

But when I think about it, it really destroyed the child's little plan.

At that time, it might be better to say a few words less.

In the process of raising children, don't think that the child has a big temper, but we must try to read the child's mind.

It is even more important to take care of their inner thoughts and understand their children's feelings.

Learn to accept their shortcomings, not expose them.

Some jokes should not be made, and some secrets should not be revealed.

That's respect.

Controlling your own mouth and not revealing the child's shortness is the greatest cultivation of parents.