I have a female friend who is 29 years old and found out last year that it was depression.
After the diagnosis, her parents visited her from their hometown once, stayed for about a week and returned to their hometown.
Last week, unable to go to work because of her perseverance, she began working from home.
Her mother made a video call to her, and after a few words, her mother said:
I'm going to show my brother the house next month.
She suggested that you should not buy too expensive houses, after all, according to the current situation, it is difficult to say whether the house will be able to maintain its value in the future.
You can find a moderate price, the unit price is not too expensive, do not have to buy a large, two-bedroom apartment should be on it.
Then her mother suddenly began to blame loudly:
"I didn't expect you to help my brother add money, how come you came over and said this and that?"
When the friend was reprimanded in this way, she felt very confused, and before she could answer, her mother continued to blame:
"Aren't you afraid that we will drag you down, my son was born to me, and I am willing to buy him how big a house, and I will pay for it myself!"
"I didn't ask you to help pay for it, what qualifications do you have, point it out!"
"Your brother hasn't spent your money, I bought my son's house, you don't have to take care of it!"
My friend didn't expect it either, but she just made a suggestion, and her mother reacted so excitedly.
Probably hearing this side arguing, the friend's father also came over and continued to blame the daughter:
"Your parents worked hard to get you to college, to go to the big city, thinking you could get a good job, make more money, or find a rich husband to marry."
We parents don't ask you for anything, if you can mix well, at least you can help your brother.
Unexpectedly, you are almost 30 years old and have not yet married, and you have depression, you are really too unconscious. ”
After a friend hung up the video call, he was in a state of disillusionment for a long time.
Consider her situation:
Her parents called and did not ask her how her recent condition was, did not ask her where she lived, whether she could buy vegetables, did not ask her company to let employees work from home, how much salary could be paid, whether it was enough to spend...
Come up and say:
If you want to buy a house for your brother and buy a big one, you don't have to worry about it; you are not successful in your career, you have not married a rich person, you are ashamed of the kindness of your parents, and you are not angry.
I know that you can't ask all parents to be perfect.
Because we ourselves are not perfect people, how can we qualify to force perfect parents?
We all have shortcomings and regrets, but between parents and children, can't even the most basic understanding and care be done?
Thinking about this suddenly today, what I really want to say is:
People are not isolated in this world, and many things that happen to you now are already doomed decades ago, even before you were born.
I'm not saying that a family rich or poor will determine your future, but "people", talent is the most important.
It doesn't really matter whether your family is rich or poor, but more importantly, what kind of parents they are, and how they treat their children and educate them.
Aren't there many examples in front of us?
There are families with very poor financial situations but parents insist on working hard to let their children go to college or graduate school;
There are optimistic and self-motivated children who have no money at home but still grow up, and have a particularly good relationship with their parents.
On the contrary, there are also families who are particularly rich, but there is no affection between parents and children;
There are also parents who are rich in business, but no one cares about children who end up or even embark on the road of drunkenness.
Therefore, it is not very important what kind of family situation is on the stall, but what kind of parents are on the stall is very important.
If you come from these 4 original families, it's not your fault that you're not mixing well enough right now.
First, parents who are good at moral kidnapping.
Many parents like to put these words on their lips:
"I'm all for your own good."
"I worked hard to raise you, but you did this to me."
"You've grown up, your wings have hardened, and you look down on your parents, right?"
No matter what happens, no matter who is right and who is wrong in this matter, if the truth is on the side of the children, the parents are finally refuted with nothing to say, and these few words are their last weapons.
Because once you move out these few words, right or wrong is not important, you have become a white-eyed wolf who has forgotten your ancestors, and it is futile to say more.
Second, self-motivated sacrifice.
Have you ever had this experience?
You don't like to eat a certain food, and you have made it clear that you don't like it.
But your parents have to make it for you and let you eat it.
If you don't eat it, your parents will say, how much time and energy I have spent to make it, you don't eat it, you child is too picky.
You are also helpless:
I didn't let you do it in the first place.
But some parents don't pay attention to, or want to know, about this premise, they just do what they want, and you don't accept that you are your problem.
Third, stingy expression of love.
This kind of original family will create a "lack of love".
What about people who lack love?
They are easily invested in feelings, whether it is making friends or falling in love, always trying to please each other.
In the relationship, they can easily use others as a life-saving straw, and once they catch it, they are reluctant to let go.
For normal people, a person must at least have some charm, advantages, values, etc., to be attracted, right?
But for the lack of love, anyone can, even if the other party cheats today and commits domestic violence tomorrow, as long as he can give him a little attention and love, he will not hesitate to die.
This can easily lead to the tragedy of feelings and marriage.
Fourth, use self-righteous, outdated methods to "encourage" children.
Some parents never give their children any positive praise and gentle encouragement, only spur and suppress.
If you say they're doing it wrong, they'll retort:
"Our starting point is good, we are worried that the praise is too much, and the child will be proud!"
Well, the result of this is that the child will always have low self-esteem and no sense of worth, even in adulthood.
discuss
The above 4 characteristics of the original family, do you have any in your family?
How many were hit?
Feel free to share in the comments section.