We say self-discipline, what is self-discipline?
Many of us parents expect to make their children more self-disciplined, but if we don't know what self-discipline is, how do we cultivate children's self-discipline?
How do we develop his own ability to manage himself?
Self-discipline is to take the initiative to ask yourself to learn with a positive attitude, to bear pain, and to solve problems.
Therefore, people with strong self-discipline are compressing their time and desires.
And self-disciplined people are often full of responsibility, if our children do not even learn their own learning, then his sense of responsibility is certainly not.
Self-discipline and responsibility are painful, but pain can make children develop, freedom is comfortable, but you are free, you have no way to develop your own ability.
A mentally mature person is to be able to switch back and forth between this freedom and responsibility, that is, you can neither become a workaholic, but you cannot be without responsibility.
So what kind of people are self-disciplined?
Why do children stay up late?
Staying up late is, in a sense, a self-inflicted act, that is, I don't care about my body, I waste my body at will.
Similar bad eating, crazy game play, but also a kind of consumption of their own body.
I don't learn, I don't learn, I don't do anything, I just play games, so what kind of behavior is this?
The child does not cherish his own time, because he thinks that his time is not valuable and important, so such a child, then he thinks that his body is not valuable, so he will endlessly consume his own energy.
If it is bigger, it is the child's low sense of self-worth.
You can go out on the street and see the beggars, he eats, he sleeps, he doesn't care, he just stutters.
The beggar does not wash his face, he does not touch his hair, he does not care about his time, why, he himself is worthless, so he will not cherish his time, let alone his body.
If you look at those who are very executive, is that not that he is particularly strict about his time planning.
No one goes to make a plan for him, his plan is too much to make by himself, and then the implementation is very good, and then he will be very disciplined to go to the gym, to exercise.
This is the importance of people's own sense of worth.
When a person thinks that his time is valuable and that he is valuable, he will spontaneously and actively plan his time, because he knows that it is important.
And a person with a low sense of self-worth, even if the parents are next to the child all day nagging and reminding, the child will still not change anything.
Because he doesn't feel worthy of himself.
Some children will be nagged and disliked as soon as they learn, perhaps because the writing is not good, or because the grades are not ideal, and if the parents are still blindly criticizing and demeaning, the child's sense of self-worth will be damaged.
I can't do anything anyway, so I might as well play, at least playing games can bring me happiness and satisfaction.
So what should parents do after such a problem occurs?
Behind everyone's behavior, there are corresponding psychological motivations.
Many of the problems of adolescents are actually psychological needs that have not been met, whether they are addicted to games or disgusted with school and rebellious, the essence is to express the missing needs of the heart through problems.
Just as our bodies need nutrients, we need to eat to get the basic nutrients that sustain our lives, and so does our psychology, which also needs some nutrients.
For example, everyone wants to be valuable in living in this society, for example, we earn money, buy clothes for children, and see children dressed handsome and beautiful, which will have a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.
These needs are natural, and if you don't meet them, then the sense of scarcity in this area will definitely be reflected in all aspects of life.
For example, the child, he did not do well in the exam, he himself is very uncomfortable, and then we may also criticize the child.
Then at this time, he himself will be more uncomfortable, and he will have emotions himself, and he will be more uncomfortable.
If he is more uncomfortable, then his emotions will be squeezed, just like poison, it cannot be discharged.
Or the child has a little bit of progress, he also wants you to praise him, because the child does not earn money, he will not do housework when he is young, then he has a little achievement or even a little bit of housework, we say to him: Oh, grow up, can help the mother to work.
At this time, the child's sense of self-worth will be satisfied. He will feel that he is a useful person and needed.
Some parents often complain about their children, saying that their children are not motivated and do not work hard.
At this time, parents need to think about whether we have given the child some affirmation, and whether we have helped him to excrete some of the negative emotions he has generated.
To sum up, how do we cultivate self-discipline in our children?
1. Accept and allow the child's state.
If the child is not self-disciplined, then he must not have borne his own responsibility, and the child must be entangled at this time.
For example, if the child plays a game all night and the homework is not completed, at this time, the child must be afraid, entangled, and want to escape.
At this time, if your parents say: Look, I told you earlier that I wouldn't let you play, you had to not listen, is this good?
This kind of behavior undoubtedly pushes the child to a more helpless situation, and for schooling, learning will be more uneasy.
And the state of parents' acceptance of children: Oh, the homework is not finished, you must be very entangled now, is it a little afraid?
When parents help their children to share this fear, this matter is not necessarily terrible for children.
After all, no matter what, there is still Mom and Dad to accompany.
In this process, children will also learn their own responsibilities.
Children learn to balance and switch between self-discipline, responsibility, and freedom in the constant interaction with their parents.
2. Parents' seeing and responding.
The sense of meaning and the sense of achievement and value at this time will make the pain shrink, increase the ability to bear the pain, make yourself happy and relaxed, and also increase the ability to resist pain.
Be sure to affirm and recognize the child, even if it is a small thing, will increase the child's sense of meaning and value.
Teacher Mo Wei often said: use a magnifying glass to find the child's advantages, and then expand.
Some parents may say that there is really no advantage in children, and I really can't see changes in children.
Every child's heart is subconsciously grown up according to the parents' views, we often say "labeling", that is, parents' evaluation of children, will affect the child's cognition of themselves.
If parents do not see the advantages of the child, or are unwilling to recognize the subtle changes in the child, then the child's sense of self-worth cannot be obtained.
On the contrary, your seeing and response to the child will make the child have a little sense of value and achievement, and the child's strength will come out little by little, so that the child will have a time of happiness and relaxation.
3. Parents' respect for their children.
The basis of self-discipline – self-esteem, recognition of self-worth.
Parents' respect for their children allows children to gain self-esteem and learn how to respect others, so that they have the motivation to be self-responsible and pay attention to commitment.
When a child is blindly belittled and accused by his parents, he has no self-esteem.
At this time, how to ask children to concentrate on learning?
4. Give children the freedom to choose and make decisions, and develop a sense of responsibility and self-discipline.
The premise of self-discipline is that there is freedom to make choices, and only then will there be a motivation to be responsible.
If the child needs to be urged by his parents to do anything, then parents need to think about whether they have done too much, so that the child has no choice but to lose the main position in learning.
Since the parents are responsible for everything, then I don't have to care, so that even if there are any consequences, it is the parents' problem.
The premise of self-discipline is first of all the freedom to choose and make decisions.
There is room for independent thinking and judgment, and there is the freedom to choose independently, and only then will there be the motivation to bear the consequences on their own.
While parents make changes, how can we guide our children to become positive and confident?
There are many kinds of doubts in a child's adolescence, how to answer them?
On April 6, Bemyself will bring a live broadcast to adolescent children
Come and book a follow!