A teenager quarrels with his father:
Father: Every exam is the worst batch, my face has been lost by you, don't ask me to go to your parent-teacher conference in the future. Son: What qualifications do you have to say me? Do you think you're a good parent? If parents also have exams, you may not be as good as me.
Parents are accustomed to evaluating the quality of their children and making various requirements for their children according to the standards, because we have a set of criteria for judging children: grades, strengths, whether to let parents worry...
This set of unwritten, but everyone acquiesced to the standard, so that parents in the evaluation, blame the child become particularly confident: because you are not good enough, so I said you.
In fact, there are several levels of parenthood, before educating children, parents should also check the level of parents to see if they are qualified to criticize children are not good enough.
People's Daily once published an article "Education Reform Must Start from Family Education", in which parents were divided into 5 levels:
The first level: willing to spend money on children
Until now, the inability of children to receive education for economic reasons has rarely happened. As material conditions get better and better, many parents even go to the other extreme: desperately trying to spend money on their children.
"School district housing" is the product of parents willing to spend money on their children, even if the house price is several times higher than the ordinary house price, there are still parents who rush to break the scalp.
Even if the family is not so generous at hand, it is not soft to spend money on the child, all kinds of interest classes, special classes, as long as the child wants to learn, will give the child a report. Even if some children do not want to learn, parents also have to spend money to cultivate interest in their children.
In addition to education, in terms of eating and wearing, this generation of children are also in a relatively rich state.
It can be said that the vast majority of parents can reach this time.
The second level: willing to spend time for children
A mother who came to Xingzhi to study shared her experience:
My previous idea was to earn more money, and when the children went to school, I would spend more money to ask for a good tutor, and the children's education problems would not have to worry. So I basically leave early and return late every day, and I don't have much time to spend with my children.
Due to the lack of parental companionship since childhood, my daughter became inferior, her learning ability was worse than other children, and she could not teach how to teach, so I realized that the company of her parents could not be replaced by much money.
After a few months of lovingly spending time with my daughter, she is now much more confident. I also decided to slow down my business and spend more time with my children's growth.
There is a saying called "companionship is the best education", in this era of material abundance, it is not unusual to be willing to spend money on children, and it is precious to be willing to spend time with children to grow.
Unfortunately, many parents think that "eating and drinking well for you, and spending so much money to train you" is to fulfill the responsibility of parents. Once the child has not reached their intended goal, accuse the child of "what else are you not satisfied with!" ”
As a parent, it is not enough to only spend money on your children.
For children, the spiritual companionship of parents is more important than material satisfaction.
Children who grow up with their parents will feel more secure, more willing to challenge new things, and more resistant to setbacks, because they know that their parents will support them.
Parents who are willing to spend time with their children will also know their children better, and the parent-child relationship established on this basis will be deeper.
The third level: parents begin to think about the goal of education
Parents who can enter this level are already qualified parents, and their parenting troubles will be much less than others.
Parents who come to Xingzhi Education for help, at the beginning, they always have all kinds of troubles: children do not obey, do homework procrastination, bad temper, do not love school...
When asked what kind of child they want to raise, many parents are at a loss because they have never thought about it.
This is the most terrible part: I have never thought about what kind of children I want to raise, but I have a basket of godson problems.
Education with a goal is to sail, no matter how slow it is, it is also getting closer to the goal step by step;
Education without a goal is wandering, can only go with the flow, the wind and waves come and there is no resistance.
When parents begin to think about what kind of child they want to raise, they will not ask their children to do everything, but will work hard based on common goals.
The fourth level: to improve yourself in order to educate your children
Tolstoy once said: "The essence of educating children is to educate themselves, and self-education is the most powerful way for parents to influence their children." ”
Poor parents always want to change their children, but forget that no matter how young the child is, he is an independent individual, has an independent will, and it is very difficult to change through external forces.
Wise parents will focus on improving themselves, because parents are originals, children are copies, and only when the originals get better, the copies will become better accordingly.
Teacher Cao Hong, a famous teacher of Xingzhi Education, once told his story:
He wanted his son to learn some knowledge of Chinese studies from an early age, but his understanding of Chinese studies at that time could not give his children a good education, so he spent a lot of time learning Chinese studies himself.
After studying, he was able to teach his son the knowledge related to Sinology, and after years of study and research, he himself has achieved good results in the field of Sinology.
Parents who are willing to improve themselves in order to educate their children, it is a natural thing for children to become excellent.
Level Five: Support encourages children to be the best version of themselves
Children only come into this world through their parents, not for their parents. Understanding this truth, parents and children will live more easily.
Do not attach parents' life goals to their children and respect their independence. Provide a safe environment for children to grow up in a loving and supportive family atmosphere.
Backed by parents, children can maximize their potential and become the best version of themselves.
There is no assessment of parenting, but we have to have requirements for ourselves.
If you are still a first- and second-level parent, why should you ask your child to be the best part?
Look at which level you are and strive to be a better parent!
Your hard work is the best example for your child.