Children are the shadow of their parents, and the education methods of the previous generation are always subtly influencing the next generation.
I once watched a variety show on the Internet and happened to see a clip, which I was deeply touched.
Actor Xiao Tao Hong said that once the whole family went out on a trip, before going out, her daughter accidentally spilled the milk on the table, she suddenly whizzed up, indiscriminately yelled at her daughter: "What's wrong with you?" I'm so careless every time I do things."
The daughter knew that she had done something wrong, she was very guilty, and when she yelled at her, she was stunned at the time, did not speak or cry, but looked at her with trembling, and her eyes were full of fear.
After Xiao TaoHong saw her daughter's expression, she immediately realized that she was wrong, although the child stood silent in the corner, but from her eyes you can detect a trace of uneasiness, and her expression is also quietly telling you that she wants to stay away from you.
Therefore, when the daughter knocked the milk on the ground again, Xiao Tao Hong did not criticize, but walked over and hugged the helpless child.
Children and parents have a direct blood relationship, is considered to be the most intimate person in the world, but many families of children and parents are often not in a satisfactory state, especially after the child reaches puberty, often collides with the parents, and some children even start to beat their own biological parents. What makes such a deep rift between parents and children who should be most closely related is a question that every parent should ponder.
The neighbor's child, Xiao Qiang, is in the third grade of junior high school this year, and the most common thing he hears is the loud scolding sound between the child and his parents, sometimes even until midnight. His sadness could be felt in the conversation with the neighbor, the child who turned out to be very well-behaved and obedient, and did not know why he had become so grumpy.
No matter what his parents said, he couldn't listen to it, and every day the atmosphere in the home seemed to drop into the freezing point. The child has just entered the third year of junior high school, the road ahead is still very long, and the neighbors are eager to change the relationship with the child, but they do not know how to deal with the contradiction with the child.
Why children and parents have conflicts
In the hearts of parents, it is believed that the child will always be the innocent and obedient child, and when the child has the opposite opinion from the parents, and the trend of becoming more and more serious, it is certainly difficult to accept as a parent.
So I began to use yelling and scolding to try to reverse the child's state, but the situation is getting worse and worse, what causes the conflict between parents and children is a problem that every parent is eager to know.
First, the child's subjective consciousness is getting stronger and stronger
As the child grows older, his sense of self will gradually increase, and when he is exposed to more and more social phenomena, he will also form his own thinking consciousness.
When his experience and his temper are combined, in different environments, after honing different personalities, the influence of parents on him will become smaller and smaller, and many parents are not able to accept this reality, nor in time to find that the child has quietly grown up, so there is a contradiction.
Second, the inevitable reaction to entering the period of enmity
The so-called vendetta period refers to the normal performance of children at the age of thirteen or fourteen, which generally lasts for 2 to 3 years, during this period, they will often work against their parents, and whatever their parents ask for, they must want to break through.
Whoever is negligent in his parents must be in trouble. In short, during this period, parents will be overwhelmed, and every child will have a light or heavy performance.
Third, parents control their children too strictly
When the child grows up, should pay attention to the way of getting along with the child, but some parents are always habitually strict with the child, they do not know that such a practice, will make the child feel more and more disgusted, but also there will be a child deliberately against the parents' wishes, serious cases will even cause certain harm.
This is because they feel that they have grown up and need to be respected by their parents, and that everything should be discussed with them, rather than asking them to complete a thing in a commanding tone.
Fourth, I want to be my own master
When children grow up, they always want to break through themselves, overestimate their own abilities, and have no contact with society, so they always feel that their parents are the ones who bind their hands and feet, so as long as parents show dissatisfaction with them, or do not respect them, then it will definitely cause contradictions.
How to change the state between children and parents
After understanding the reasons for the contradiction between the child and the parent, parents should make corresponding changes to the child's performance and make the child's education invisible, so that the child's acceptance can be higher.
First, respect your child's thoughts and opinions
When the child grows up, we as parents should gradually let go of the child and let him go on his own, because no matter how the parents warn her, the experience of life needs to be tried by themselves.
Even after the head is broken and bleeding, he will understand the true meaning of life, which is a process that everyone needs to go through, and it is impossible to avoid any harm perfectly because the parents tell the child in advance.
Therefore, parents must respect the child, and understand his ideas, and accept the child's suggestions without violating the principle, so that she has the courage to take responsibility.
Second, the way of talking is better than yelling
The stupidest way to educate a child is to scold, because not only will the child remember and hate his parents, but also affect his young mind, and some children will become timid and cowardly because of the scolding of their parents.
Some children will gamble and run away if they do not obey their parents' scolding, while some children will not rebel against their parents and remember these in their hearts, and then form a lonely and strange personality, which is the sequelae of scolding.
Therefore, it is best to use the way of conversation to better transmit our ideas to children, and also let him exercise his thinking ability and language expression ability in the process of talking with us.
Third, be strict with yourself in life, set a good example for your children, and convince them
We are a mirror of children, if you want to teach children well, you must first do yourself, if we can't even restrain our own behavior, then we can't ask children, so before asking children, let ourselves make a good example for children, better than all educational methods.
Of course, no one is perfect, if parents also have something that they can't do, then find a spiritual idol with their children and strictly demand that they learn from the idol.
The emergence of contradictions is always two-sided, which has problems that belong to children, of course, there are also problems that belong to parents, good communication is the bridge to build a harmonious relationship, parents do not because of the dignity of elders, children have always required children to obey their own orders.
As children grow older, they are bound to have their own full wings, to prepare for independent flight, parents hope to cultivate children with autonomy and independence, it is necessary to start from respecting children's ideas and opinions, communicate with children equally, so that parent-child relationship can become more and more harmonious.
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