What do you think causes a person's marital unhappiness? Because you look ugly? Or is it because the people you are looking for are too scummy to meet people?
But in fact, it is more likely that it is because of women's misreading of love from the beginning and excessive inappropriate expectations of people and marriage caused by the inner imbalance.
Only when women recognize the truth and essence of the relationship will they not be lost and sink in the "happiness" script they have woven.
Marriage Truth One:
Whoever you choose to marry is "wrong" you choose to marry
Women marry everyone regrets, men marry who regret, this is the human instinct, on the one hand, people will infinitely fantasize about the beauty of unobtainable things, but will exaggerate the unsatisfactory reality in front of them, whether it is life or people's behavior habits
Choose the rich, may deserve the respect and companionship, choose the poor, think you can get more love and care, the result is found that in addition to the bitter point of the day, the warmth you want can not see at all, choose the extroverted eloquence, may feel not calm enough, choose the pragmatic and honest, may feel that the burden of the day is all on their own and lack of security.
Marriage is a huge proposition that cannot be avoided by the choice of "wisdom" at first.
There is no absolute "right" person, only couples with similar qualities who want to cherish each other, long-term happy marriage, need to have the wisdom of "the ability to make mistakes" to squeeze the juice of sour lemons, in order to manage their own marital feelings.
But the first thing that is needed is to realize from the beginning that there is no fairy tale of marrying "love" and living a happy life from then on, only the boring and chicken feathers of living together from then on.
Marriage Truth 2:
Can't expect too much from marriage
Just as the so-called expectations are how big, how many disappointments there are, no one is perfect, they all have their own shortcomings and unbearable shortcomings, acceptance is the foundation of marriage, and without excessive expectations, they can make themselves less hurt and will also increase happiness.
Don't expect a man to redeem his destiny, on the one hand, he may not have the ability, on the other hand, your own value may not meet the capital he thinks can be "invested"
This point of Fan Shengmei in "Ode to Joy" has become the most classic portrayal, even if you can enter the marriage hall, it is difficult to meet your own standards.
Ordinary days are the dullness of chai rice oil salt sauce vinegar tea, peers, are on a similar starting line, counting on each other not only can not count on, but also because they are labeled as "baggage", it seems extremely cheap. A good marriage, or a respectable marriage, is always a good one, and you are not bad.
Marriage Truth Three:
Marriage is not a haven of shelter
Women's expectations of marriage and desire for love are the most party, before marriage always want to find someone who loves themselves to become their own shelter from the wind and rain, but after marriage will realize that in the trivial days, most of the wind and rain are given by men or marriage.
Marriage is just a "cooperative" way, which is fundamentally different from the love that we usually have in literature.
People with similar ideas and pursuits, we support each other to feel good together, to resist the test of impermanence.
Too many women have made countless sacrifices and sacrifices in marriage, but they have not been able to get the expected gratitude and feedback, dissatisfied with the attitude of the in-laws, dissatisfied with the husband's disregard and disapproving indifference, but in fact, women have misunderstood from the beginning, walking into the relationship called "marriage" will be the beginning of cooperation, rather than accepting the arrival of happiness.
If you are not mentally prepared as you should, it is difficult to think of a harmonious relationship. Marriage is not a shelter from the wind and rain, it just has the legal constraints and guarantees of the downline, and whether it is happy or not depends on personal change.
Marriage Truth 4:
The essence of marriage is "trading" and you have to make yourself valuable
Too much poisonous chicken soup or old drivers will always say that "women do a good job than marry well", which is the biggest and most dangerous lie.
The essence of love is an exchange of emotions, and the essence of marriage is, to put it bluntly, it is a value exchange.
When in love, appearance, figure, charm, fun, and even the strength of piano and chess painting are the keys to attracting each other, but in marriage, these are just icing on the cake, and even will be considered dispensable and redundant, because marriage is a value exchange.
When you do not have irreplaceable value, and the substantial payment of the family to the man, it will be despised or even replaced at any time, marriage is the second reincarnation of a woman, but if you simply hope to change your fate by marriage, then luck is difficult to be too good.
It is useless to rely on anyone, unless you are useful, whether it is the workplace, social or marriage, if you want to be valued, find a way to make yourself have a certain value that cannot be ignored.
The book "Intimacy" by the famous Canadian psychotherapist Christopher Meng has put forward a subversive and unusual view - marriage is a matter of one person.
Because in the author's view, in intimate relationships, even if you pay 100% of the effort, you can only get 50% of the effect. The reason why it feels like our relationship is not right later is also because of the change of roles in the stage.
The author clearly tells us that love goes through four stages: moon halo, disillusionment, introspection, and revelation.
Lunar halo (halo effect)
At this stage, you will infinitely enlarge or even exaggerate the goodness of the other party, see everything is covered with a hazy veil, and the reason why people fall in love is actually from the needs of the heart. So when you see the look of a lover, you actually want to see it.
Disillusionment (imaginary things do not appear, and the beautification gradually fades)
What is disillusionment is the process of the prince to transform into a monster, and the prince charming who was once in his eyes gradually looks no longer handsome, and even becomes a clown. Contrary to what we begin to think, or even the disappointment of expectations, the good will be disillusioned, disillusioned to give people negative emotions.
Introspection (full of reflection and regret)
Proper introspection can help us see the whole love event as it is, unveil the illusion, and thus improve the intimate relationship.
Wrong introspection makes people feel defeated or even resentful, using the partner as a tool to meet personal needs, taking marriage as their own springboard, feeling that they have chosen the wrong person, thus mistakenly feeling that the spark of love has been extinguished, wrongly positioning themselves as victims, or pretending to be saviors, will superimpose contradictions to increase pain and trouble.
Revelation (getting the love you really need)
The revelation given to oneself by introspection is crucial and leads directly to the results of action. In other words, without real experiences and transformations, and final epiphanies, all seemingly complete marriages, feelings are incomplete.
Marriage is a self-cultivation, do not try to use the initial passion and your own appearance, you can get a lifetime of happiness. The secret of a really good life lies in our own growth, when we become a better self in the process of examination, then the marriage will present a new model at its best.
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Text/Relief Emotional Station
(Author: Xiao Yu, psychological counselor, focusing on the emotional field), good at the restoration of romantic relationships, marital contradictions and differences, and the healing of psychological trauma caused by the original ecological family. The lonely journey of life, listening to your grievances and pressures, helping visitors improve their skills in getting along with the sexes, saving their lovers, managing their feelings, and striving to become happier people.