Our encounter is a grain of dust in the sea of people, but a grain of dust refracts the sun is the most dazzling, I hope you can tell me your story, and I will listen to your voice as the best listener, hello everyone, here is "Bar Emotional Station", I am lever ~
Compared with the current post-90s and post-00s, there is only one child in the family, although there are many children's families in material life, I still feel that multi-child families are very happy, there are sisters who love and brothers who hurt, a family and a happy family.
After they grow up and start a family, brothers and sisters will still care for each other, walk around each other, help each other, we are closer relatives than strangers, the closest relatives, even if the parents are gone, "I still have brothers and sisters or younger siblings" Warm feeling, will make the heart very solid.
Of course, it has to be said that in multi-child families, older children will always take on more family responsibilities.
Take our family, my sister is the eldest, from childhood to adulthood, she has done a lot of housework than I am. When my parents were busy, she had to take care of my brother and me, help my mother cook and wash clothes, and sometimes she would be bullied by my parents. But my sister still hurt me and my brother. The first beautiful dress I wore, which my sister bought with her first month's salary, made me stink among my classmates for a long time, and I can still remember the style and color of that dress.
However, the love of parents for their children is no matter how big or small, and they will not always ask her to take good care of her younger siblings and take responsibility for her younger siblings because she is the eldest. And for the care and help from my brothers and sisters, I will not receive everything as I did when I was a child, and I do not know how to reciprocate, but give and pay each other.
Because we understand that in the extended family, we are brothers and sisters who love each other, but for our own small families, we are two independent families, each with responsibilities and obligations to our own small families.
Respect their respective small families, take care of their own small families, will take good care of this everyone. If the small family does not take care of it well, it will have to bother everyone.
If I had a bad life, my brothers and sisters would not sit idly by, but I would not accept their kindness with peace of mind, and I would not accept that they would not take care of their own family in order to care for me.
I mean, love between family members needs to have boundaries.
This is a cliché, because everyone understands the truth, but when it comes to the end, it is often bound by this kind of love. Because not every family, every pair of parents can treat every child impartially, not every child can understand which family their responsibilities and obligations should be important when they grow up and become a family, and sometimes they can't distinguish between priority and priority.
If the love for the family cannot be released in the right thing, in the right situation, at the right time, this so-called love will become a weapon to hurt your marriage.
Shao Min (not her real name) has been a bit annoyed lately. Originally, her life with her husband was calm and abnormal, but recently it seemed that suddenly, everything rushed to her, and it was still a relatively bad thing, and she also let herself enter a dead end because of her soft heart and arbitrariness.
Shao Min has been married for almost ten years. Since giving birth to a child, Shao Min has not worked again, and has been at home with the child, taking care of the housework, and taking good care of her husband and children.
Husband Dong Yiming (pseudonym) in a company to do sales, because willing to work hard, outstanding performance, gradually able to promote and raise, their lives are getting better and better, and gradually have some savings. This money, the husband assured to give to Shao Min.
Shao Min bought some of the money for financial products, she knows that the children grow up day by day, there will be more and more places to use money, and she has no job, let the money make money, no matter how much, even if you can only earn a year's vegetable money, she also wants to reduce Dong Yiming's burden.
If the days were so peaceful, there would be no marital crisis between her and her husband, but isn't that how it is? Calmly overdo it, and it will give you some twists and turns.
But to tell the truth, whether it is a small twist or a storm, as long as the husband and wife are in the same heart and face it together, it will be satisfactorily resolved after all.
Afraid that husband and wife have their own ideas, not to communicate well together, but to act arbitrarily, which is a bad habit for marriage.
Shao Min has a younger brother who did not study well since he was a child, and finally his parents paid for it and went to a private university. Such a degree wants to find a decent, high-income job, itself is not very easy, the younger brother still has some eyes and low hands, this job looks down on that and looks down on, nearly 30-year-old people, no serious job, daughter-in-law of course is not easy to find.
Shao Min's parents looked anxious in their eyes, and entrusted someone to introduce several objects to Shao Min's brother, and everyone hated that his brother had no income and no marriage room, and could not go on. So the parents wondered whether to buy a house for their son first to increase the success rate of marriage, but there was not much money at home, so they hit Shao Min with the idea.
In recent years, the son-in-law has been promoted and raised, they are in the eyes, estimating that the daughter's family will have some money, so the parents came to the door.
"Daughter, you are getting better and better now, and we are very relieved about you." But we also have a heart disease, which is your brother. You see what he looks like now, if we don't help him, he won't want to marry a daughter-in-law in this life. Talked about so many, all because there is no house to blow. You've got to help him!" Count the parents begging you, the money to buy a house, count the money we borrowed, and slowly pay it back later, do you see it? ”
Unable to resist the parents' bitter pleading, Shao Minsi came and went: the family's savings are about 1 million, the child has just entered primary school, and there are not many places to spend money; although the parents of both sides are a little older, they are still healthy; the family has a house and a car, and there is no place to use the money for the time being. Do you want to discuss it with Dong Yiming? But if it is discussed, it is estimated that Dong Yiming will not agree so happily; and in these years, Dong Yiming rarely asks about money, or he will hide it first, use it first and then slowly save it, anyway, what his parents said is borrowing, they will also pay back a part, and the family's accounts will not be too ugly.
In this way, Shao Min spent more than 1 million yuan to buy a wedding house for his brother. The younger brother and girlfriend also stopped making trouble, and the marriage was quickly settled.
What does a sentence say? "Blessings are incomparable, and misfortunes are not alone", perhaps this sentence is used here, not appropriately, but this is the meaning.
Bad things came one after another: Dong Yiming's sister came to borrow money to buy a house.
Shao Min's head suddenly grew bigger, Kari was almost empty, where was the money lent to her?
Over the years, Dong Yiming's sister has never opened her mouth to borrow money from her brother.
My sister works as a clerk in a company and has a salary of 5,000 or 6,000 yuan a month, while my brother-in-law is a civil servant, and although his income is not high, the welfare treatment is not bad.
Married for more than two years, have not yet had children, live a very elegant life, often go out to travel, eat and drink, so that there is not a few money left in a month.
Originally, the two lived in the in-laws' house, because they did not want to be regulated by the in-laws, they went outside to rent a house. Maybe it's that I've had enough play over the years, and I'm older and ready to have kids, so I started to think about it a little more, and I wanted to buy a house first, the kind of school district house.
The family took stock of the money at hand, and the down payment was about 150,000 yuan, which thought of his brother Dong Yiming.
Dong Yiming listened, full of promises, and asked Shao Min for money when he returned home.
Where can Shao Min still come up with money, but she is not ready to say it explicitly, simply become an evil person, and say that she does not agree to lend money to her sister.
Dong Yiming said: "They are all family, and if they can help, they can help." The money I've given you over the years has been millions, just 150,000, and you're still cutting it. Besides, my sister is not so greedy now, and the 150,000 will be able to pay it back in two years. You're a sister-in-law, be generous. ”
Shao Min was on his feet and kept dragging. Later, Dong Yiming was anxious and asked Shao Min to hand over the deposit card. Shao Min was forced to tell the truth.
Dong Yiming gasped as soon as he heard it, threw the card the ground, and even sneered: You did a really good job, really right! I said why don't you borrow, it turned out that you had already been defeated by you. Shao Min, this is the joint property of husband and wife, to put it mildly, you don't work at home every day, this money is my hard-earned money, what right do you have to buy a house for your brother? Go get it back for me, and if you can't get the money back, we'll get a divorce." ”
Shao Min listened, and his heart was also very aggrieved: "Why should this money be lent to your sister, lending it to my brother to buy a house is a loser, my family is not not repaying, and it is not to obscure your money." The same has difficulties, don't you all have to help? Who made your sister say it late? You have only the people of your family in your heart. Are you getting a divorce? Leave is far away, who is afraid of whom! ”
After saying that, I slammed the door and left.
In fact, I want to say that Shao Min really can't be so tough. She didn't take this matter seriously. If Dong Yiming is really anxious and resolutely wants to divorce, she Shao Min will immediately carry more than 500,000 debts, for a woman who has no job, it is really difficult to repay the more than 500,000.
It is better to say softly and hard, to go along with Dong Yiming's anger and discuss how to solve this matter, which is the right reason.
Brothers and sisters encounter difficulties, what can help is what should be helped, but this gang is also limited.
What are the limits? That is to follow the principle of "saving the emergency and not saving the poor".
Like Shao Min's younger brother, to tell the truth, when you help him, you are actually harming him and harming yourself. The younger brother has no ability to work, so he has no ability to repay, not to mention let him pay back, that is, to let him independently support the future family, I am afraid it will become a problem.
We must let him plant a few heels in life, and we must let him understand that his life is his own efforts, not relying on his parents and sisters. The help of the family, on the contrary, is cutting off the independence of the younger brother.
And like Dong Yiming's sister's difficulties, they can help a bunch, after all, they have their own jobs, have income, lend them, their own money can be recovered. And for sisters and sisters, there is pressure to repay money, which will make them more restrained in their own expenses and open source and reduce expenditure.
For the husband and wife, running their own small family should be ranked before helping brothers and sisters, whether to help, how to help, should be the consensus reached by the husband and wife after communication, rather than the arbitrariness of one party, it reflects whether the husband and wife respect each other, trust, honesty and support in the married life.
Marriage is to live a lifetime, do not communicate anything, do everything by yourself, in the family relationship, the priority is not important, it will reduce the other party's sense of existence and participation in married life, increase the risk coefficient of their own marriage.
Are you really willing to put a marriage at an impasse because of your actions? Not necessarily.
Therefore, we must remember to run your own small family first, sincerely respect the people who accompany you all your life, and help your relatives under the premise of living your own life, otherwise, you will regret it.
Good times are always short, thank you for reading this, I hope the story between us will continue, the bar is ready to listen here, is your story ready?