Author: Ping Yan
The child is like a mirror, what you are, he is what he is, if you want to raise a gentle and courteous child, you must first change the way you speak.
- Mother Deer
There will always be a message from the mother in the background saying:
"The older the child, the harder it is to discipline."
"Say two words to him, and he can reply to you with ten sentences."
"The more you command, the more you do it."
......
Indeed, the older the child, the more independent the consciousness, and it is indeed not easy for parents to control their children's behavior.
But as Professor Li Meijin said: children resist, first of all, their parents are unqualified.
The child's rebellious behavior and rebellious tone are often "taught" by the parents.
Whatever tone you have, the child's attitude
The neighbor has an 8-year-old daughter who has always given the impression of being well-behaved and clever.
Once, at the elevator entrance, I met a neighbor who had a temper tantrum with my daughter, only to see the neighbor yelling:
"You know all day long playing on your phone, not writing homework, not practicing, what do you say you really want to do?"
The more I talk about it, the more excited I get, and I see that I am about to get started.
I thought that the child would cry and be afraid, but I did not expect that the little girl would not show weakness when she held her head high:
"I'll play with the mobile phone for a while, you don't watch TV dramas after work, you have to cook food for your father!"
The smell of gunpowder on both sides became stronger and stronger, and it was not alleviated until the child's father appeared.
I was wondering how such a well-behaved and sensible child could talk like that, and it was not surprising when I thought about it.
Isn't the tone of the child's speech and the attitude of not accepting defeat a miniature version of the neighbor?
Professor Li Meijin said: "The tone of your speech to the child determines the child's attitude towards you. ”
Children are like a mirror of their parents, and what kind of actions parents do in front of the mirror, children will naturally follow suit.
As the saying goes: dragons give birth to dragons, phoenixes give birth to phoenixes, and rat children will punch holes.
The words are cheesy, but the truth is true.
What a parent is, what a child is.
If you want your child's attitude toward you to change, then parents usually have to pay attention to the tone of their speech.
Because the tone of your speech determines your child's attitude towards you.
True persuasion is to communicate well
Many parents always complain that their children do not listen to discipline, like to work against themselves, and say that they do not listen to anything.
Blame all the problems on the child, but never reflect on the problems in yourself.
Chinese parents like to convince people with reason, and when communicating with their children, they always unconsciously suppress and try to persuade their children to listen to themselves in a high-profile manner.
As everyone knows, parents who can't speak and don't know how to communicate well, the more they talk, the more rebellious their children are.
Hemingway said:
"It took us two years to learn to speak, but it took sixty years to learn to shut up.
Most of the time, the more we talk, the farther apart we are from each other, the more contradictory we are.
In communication, most people are always eager to express themselves, spitting out quickly, but not understanding each other at all. ”
The same is true of parent-child relationships.
When parents encounter problems, they always stand in their own position, control their own views, and talk about the children's preaching.
Just focus on continuous output, but forget to listen to the child's inner thoughts.
As a result, the more you talk about it, the farther the distance between the parents and the child's heart, and the more the child naturally resists contact with the parents.
"Children are not stupid" says:
"Adults often think that talking to us a lot is communication, but in fact, they are talking to themselves, and they are cool."
Once the child's feelings are ignored, the communication loses its effect.
If parents want to really convince their children, they must have a good dialogue with their children in an equal posture and an equal tone.
True communication is two-way, there will be output to input, so that children have the opportunity to express, children will care about what you say.
The tone of the parent's speech affects the child's future
Mr. Cai Yuanpei said in "The Cultivation of Chinese":
What determines a child's life is not academic performance, but sound personality cultivation.
The family is an important platform for children's growth, and parents, as the main manager of this platform, will affect the future direction of children's lives.
It is said that successful tutoring stems from the way parents get along with their children, and the tone of the parents' speech will affect the child's life.
I have been exposed to children from two different homes.
One speaks softly, is not in a hurry, and makes people feel comfortable listening;
A speech is always fiery, and it is not even clear what it wants to express.
Until I saw the parents of both sides, I couldn't help but sigh that the "subtle" and "ear-to-ear" education methods in family education had a remarkable effect.
Whatever the parent has, the child's life.
Hu Shi once recalled fondly in the article "My Mother":
If I can learn the slightest bit of good temper, if I can learn a little kindness to others, if I can forgive people and be considerate of people - I have to thank my mother.
Parent-child relationship is like a valley of echoes, what kind of voice parents make, what kind of voice children will naturally give back.
Parents speak roughly to their children, and children are naturally full of anger;
Parents speak softly to their children, and children naturally give back to peace;
It is said that the mouth of the parent determines the child's path.
The formation of the child's personality has long been traceable, and the attitude of the parents to speak is affecting the child's future direction.
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