Oral | female returnees who have been blind dated 50 times in 5 years: shuttling between romantic love and real marriage

Recently, many places have released big data on marriage in 2021, and the overall trend is that the number of marriage registrations has gradually declined in the past five years and the marriage age has been postponed.

When she saw the media report this news, Du Ling (pseudonym) laughed at herself that she was just 30 years old this year and was no longer so sought-after on the blind date "shelf".

Du Ling was born in 1992 in a small village in Baoding, Hebei Province, and went out of the countryside through reading. In 2017, after graduating from the UK with a master's degree, Du Ling worked as an accountant in Beijing. She just graduated and started working, and under the arrangement of her family, she began one blind date after another.

On the evening of March 6, Du Ling told the surging news (www.thepaper.cn) about her nearly 50 blind date experiences. In her story, she is the most ordinary kind of girl. About 1 meter 56 tall, no urban hukou, initially had expectations for blind dates, "maybe it is better to fall in love", and now I also clearly recognize the cruel side of the blind date market.

Du Ling claimed that she was shuttling between romantic love and real marriage. Her parents did not understand why she was unwilling to nod her head and get married, and Du Ling did not understand why she had been on blind dates so many times, and no blind date had met more than three times.

She began to think about whether "marriage" is a necessity in her life, "if you don't meet the right one, you can live alone", Du Ling said, family is not necessarily the destination of women, people's ultimate destination is actually their own.

The following is Du Ling's narration -

"When I first started dating, I would care about each other's academic qualifications"

Born in 1992, I am just 30 years old this year, and after studying for a master's degree in finance and accounting from the UK in 2017, I stayed in Beijing to do accounting work. I have a predominantly female workplace around me, and I don't have much contact with the opposite sex. My parents also felt that I had reached the age when it was time to talk about marriage, so they began to ask the village introducer to me to introduce the blind date.

People I know on blind dates are recommended by introducers in the countryside of my hometown. I come from a small village in Baoding, Hebei Province, and we have an employment introduction there. Usually there is this model in the village, where the introducer tells my parents about their family background, and then we will introduce me here.

I have also tried to use online social software, sometimes encountered unreliable, such as pig killing plates, and some people have tried my bottom line for sex again and again on social platforms, which is a bit of a waste of time.

At the beginning, my mother called me and told me that the introducer had introduced me to a person from my hometown who also worked in Beijing and wanted to meet him. Then I pushed WeChat and let me talk to each other.

I didn't have a conflict with my attitude towards blind dates at that time, and I thought it was good to have a relationship with a blind date, and I hadn't been in love since I was in college. Since I started choosing a blind date, I will care about each other's academic qualifications. Because my academic qualification is an overseas master's degree, I hope that the other person's degree can be above the bachelor's degree. If you feel that your academic qualifications are similar, the probability of being able to talk will be greater.

Over time, you will find that in the blind date market, academic qualifications are still a common consideration, and some people themselves have good academic qualifications, and even require each other to be 211, 985 college graduates.

I was very impressed with my first blind date.

It was the summer of 2017, and it was also introduced by the introducer of the hometown. His background seems good to me, we have a similar education background, he also went to graduate school in the UK, as if he were working for a large internet company.

The first time we met, we made an appointment to eat at the mall. Seeing him for the first time, there was no sense of surprise, it was an ordinary boy. I'm only about 1.56 meters, he's about 1.75 meters, he looks like Sven, wears glasses, and looks more honest. At dinner, basically I was opening the topic, he echoed, I was particularly afraid of embarrassment there, two people face to face without talking.

After eating, he said he was going to go downstairs to the mall, and I followed him into an area where I stopped, and I found that the area was a men's panties area, with rows of boxer briefs hanging from it. I became embarrassed and hurried out of that area and waited for him outside. He was very careful to pick out the payment, and the whole process was very smooth.

I felt that this behavior had no sense of boundaries. Later, my friend also analyzed that people may just be normal shopping behavior on weekends, and in order to cope with the requirements of the introducer, they met with me by the way.

After meeting that night, when he returned home, he never looked for me again on WeChat. I think he probably didn't look at me.

In the blind date market, height became a reason to be rejected

When we went to the back of the blind date, everyone had a tacit understanding. If you feel that it is inappropriate after you have met, you will not say "sorry", and everyone tacitly and slowly will not contact.

For example, if you send a greeting message on WeChat and the other party does not reply, you probably know that this is a signal and did not look at it.

My objective conditions are not particularly good in the marriage market. I'm really just an average girl, not tall enough, only about 1 meter 56 tall, and the age is also old, 30 years old. There is no house in The North, Shanghai and Guangzhou, there is no household registration, and the household registration in their own home is not a city household registration, because the urban household registration means that the parents have a pension pension.

Du Ling said that the male guests on the dating platform clearly listed the height and academic requirements of women, and also required the appearance to be online. Source: Courtesy of respondents

In the actual situationSYSY in the dating market, height can become an obvious reason to be rejected by the man, even more than once. I care, but it's not something I can change. I looked at it in the blind date square before, there was a girl, really excellent, very good education, good work, income, Beijing hukou and house, that is, in the height column, written only 1 meter 55, and then people around the people are commenting that "this can not be found."

This girl only wants to find similar conditions to herself, and it is not too excessive, but the target boy only cares about the girl's age, height and appearance, and other academic qualifications, family background, and work ability.

I personally feel that men are all looking at the face, like this girl, and her target boy may have enough basic social class and wealth accumulation, and does not expect to get it through marriage, so it depends on the appearance, height, and a happy mood or excellent DNA.

On the whole, even if I am particularly active in promoting myself in the marriage market, I may not have many responses, because I am not the ideal partner of the man, and they may not even want to contact.

Once on a blind date, the other party was a doctor who was studying at Shanghai Jiaotong University, and his height was not very high, and he may not be 1 meter 7. But I myself have a natural sense of admiration and admiration for this kind of smart science and engineering boy, including my ex-boyfriend is also this type, so I thought I could try it.

I had just quit my job during that time, and my time was relatively free. At that time, after seeing me, I asked him directly how he felt about me, and his answer also impressed me. He said that if he feels passed, he can touch it and try it.

But later in that time, I may have looked for him too often, such as sending WeChat every day to ask him what he was doing. He said I didn't fit the kind of personality he envisioned and there was no follow-up.

I've been blind dated nearly fifty times, and I look back and think about it, and almost none of them have met more than three times, and most of them have "seen the light die" the first time they meet. Every time there is no follow-up or failure, I may reflect on myself, and I will be more depressed, and I will wonder if I want to adjust my standards.

In my hometown village, everyone saw me and told me, "Don't pick any more", and the meaning of their words seemed to be that there was a person with very good conditions standing in front of me, and then he liked me very much, just waiting for me to agree, but because my vision was too high, so I did not nod.

I sometimes feel very sad, we girls as an independent individual, have been working hard, achieved these achievements, but to the blind date market, put our achievements out, but the other party only cares about whether you are tall, not beautiful, whether you can have children.

"Marriage is not a necessity for me anymore"

There are more blind dates, and the desire and impulse to feel love or to know a member of the opposite sex have become a luxury. For me, it's not something I have to have either. If I want to have it, it may be quite expensive.

I didn't really yearn for marriage at first, and I felt that it was something that everyone had to do. I now feel that marriage and family are not necessarily women's destination. Man's ultimate destination is himself.

My current state is more "Buddhist" To use an analogy, I'm not the most sought-after on the shelves. At my age, it may be called "wisher hooked", and I feel that after passing the 30-year-old hurdle, I may really be at ease with the encounter.

Last year, a friend of mine suddenly told me that I had a license, and everyone in the WeChat group may have received a marriage license, and suddenly felt that everyone around me had taken a step forward, and you were still alone.

The older you get, the more fearful you may become about intimacy. Recently, I had a blind date who had been together a little longer, but when it came to planning for the future, I found that we didn't agree with each other and ended it again.

This section was met through social networking apps at Christmas 2021, two years younger than me, in 1994. I am quite similar to my educational background, first I went to a university in China, then went to Australia to study for a master's degree, and now I work in a state-owned enterprise in Beijing. The first two times we met and talked and ate, they all talked well, and he would also send WeChat to tell me that "I missed me" and other ambiguous words.

But at the third dinner, everyone talked about future plans, and he hoped that he would settle down quickly and be able to buy a house and start a family in Beijing. He made it clear at the dinner table that if he wanted to buy a house, both men and women could make a 50% down payment.

I made it clear to him that our family couldn't afford this money. I felt that he was stunned for a moment, and he never looked for me again. So I guessed in hindsight that maybe this reason dissuaded him.

I feel that modern relationships are very fragile. In the early stage, when he did not discuss this topic, all the initiative he showed to you, all the expressions of love, may not be when he heard that you could not come up with this 50% down payment.

At present, maybe the marriage really needs to have a "fainting" moment, the more you think about it in the early stage, the more sober you are, the more you may not be able to enter.

We don't have the same ideas as our parents' generation now, who at that time probably felt that two people would get married when they met each other and looked up to each other. They are very traditional marriages, male and female inside. They believe that you have always been cared for by your parents when you were young, but when you are an adult, your parents will not be able to take care of you, so you need marriage. They think you have to find a man, you have to get into the family, they think I have to go.

But now it's not the case, I have the ability to work independently, I don't have to rely on marriage to survive, to support myself.