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"The First Half of My Life": "Showing off self-esteem in front of money and love is the most stupid thing." ”
This kind of thing is very common, for the sake of money to obey others, nod and waist; for love humble obedience, injured and dare not leave, all belong to the self-esteem, do not see self-esteem as an important thing.
The reason why such behavior is stupid is because you don't take your dignity seriously, and others won't take your dignity seriously. The number of cases in which humility is exchanged for kindness is very small, and most of them are exchanged for humiliation.
There is also such a problem in the marriage world, when two people get married when it involves money, when it involves the sincerity of both families, as long as the two parties are not "good people" of the same frequency, one party will inevitably beg for itself.
The following woman's encounter belongs to the above kind of problem, let's listen to her story together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
If I had to give advice to unmarried women, what I would like to say most is: May you be a smart woman, and never marry a child.
I've had this happen to myself, and no one knows better than I do how painful it is.
When my boyfriend took me home to see my in-laws, my mother-in-law did not say that she agreed or disagreed, and said that we had better marry our sons: "You don't blame me for being too antique, I just think that passing on the generations is the first priority." I'm a very good talker, and as long as you do what I ask, I won't treat you badly. Be sure that you are pregnant with a child, and the money and the house will not be less than yours. ”
Although I have also heard of problems encountered by others in marriage, I have never heard of such problems, and I do not know how to answer them for a while.
Although my boyfriend did not express his position at that time, judging from his subsequent behavior, he agreed with his mother-in-law's words, wanted to marry his son, and wanted to conceive a child before getting married.
I was defenseless at the time, anyway, I felt that sooner or later I would marry him, sooner or later I would have children, it didn't matter if I had a little earlier, anyway, my mother-in-law had already said that, I could do what she said in exchange for her kindness, and also omitted the process of running in after marriage.
But what I didn't expect was that everything was a conspiracy, everything was a scam.
After I became pregnant, the marriage was postponed again and again, and my mother-in-law did not keep her promise.
Seeing that it would be unfavorable to me if it dragged on any longer, I went to their house to urge my mother-in-law to buy a house as soon as possible, but I was rejected.
Feeling that I was being played, I angrily asked her: "I am pregnant according to your request, why do you play a rogue and not buy a house?" ”
Her answer almost didn't make me angry, my mother-in-law: "It's not too late to buy the child after giving birth, you are only pregnant now, whether you can give birth is not sure." Besides, how do I know if you're pregnant with my son's child? If not, wouldn't it be too sinful for our family to spend so much money to marry you? In my opinion, after you give birth to the child and do the paternity test, it is determined that it is the blood of our family, and I will buy you a marriage house. ”
It was a great shame for me, I had believed in her so much, so obediently, that she had doubted my chastity.
I have been deceived, of course, can not continue to be deceived, can not know the mistakes and make mistakes, otherwise when the child is born, she will find all kinds of excuses not to buy it, who will bear the pain for me? Where did I get the money and the house to raise the kids.
I don't want to give up on my children, but I really can't do anything, and if it makes me reduce my life and suffer retribution, I can only admit it. At least this path was chosen by myself, not imposed on me by others.
I still have that sentence: for women, if you voluntarily marry a child, regardless of all the consequences, of course, but if you encounter my kind of situation, the man or mother-in-law negotiates with you on terms, and makes a promise that is not sure whether it will be fulfilled to deceive you into having a child, it is better for you to directly refuse, otherwise no one can guarantee that you will not be my kind of ending. Do you think I'm right?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
The truth is indeed the truth she said, as long as she is willing to do anything, no complaints and no regrets, you can let it go. And if not willingly, it is better to be cautious.
Although the things that happened to that woman also had her will in it, if there was no mother-in-law's coaxing, she would not want to marry Her Son. Just from her own perspective, she would consider the consequences.
Although she can not accept it when her mother-in-law deceives her, who can say such a thing well? If you are more shrewd, of course, you can think of all kinds of possibilities, think of the worst outcome; but if you are too simple, easily believe in others, can not withstand temptation, others seize your weaknesses and make promises, you may be led by the nose.
Not only is her reminder to other unmarried women valuable, but her own experience is also of great reference value for other unmarried women.
She said that before her, she had not heard of the kind of problem she had, and she had no way to refer to it, so she would be deceived. Now that her experience is known, there are ready references for others so that you don't follow the path she's taken.
Judging whether a marriage should start, you can't just measure the pros and cons of material aspects, but also the pros and cons of spiritual, emotional, dignified, and trusted aspects, otherwise you blindly cater to others regardless of your own dignity, and it is difficult to have good results.