Hello everyone, I would like to talk to you about adolescence today.
Adolescence is a good word, a word for growth. Many people have gradually established their own world view, friendship view, and their own ideas since this time. At the same time, during the period of positive development of adolescents, it is easy to become curious about new things and try some risk-taking behaviors.
But many parents at this time habitually forced to correct their ideas, and use the adult way to control their children, and this caused a lot of mistakes, and even made the children more rebellious, took a more partial path, and even committed crimes. So why do parents like to control their children, should they control their children, and are they doing the right thing? How should they treat their children properly?
Man's desire for control
First of all, people must have a desire to control, which is normal. This is what people choose by thinking about themselves in the environment, because they choose according to their own preferences, and many times these are unconscious decisions, so preferences reflect a person's tendency.
Parents' desire for control comes from the family environment and personal personality preferences, such as the things they experienced in childhood, which they feel are desirable and can be applied to children. But they forget that times are changing, and so are the ways of education. In addition, parents feel that children should do what children must do, which is a strong desire to control. And parents with a strong desire for control have the following performance:
Ask your child to act according to his own ideas.
Likes to belittle the child's behavior, "Will you do it?" "You can't do such a simple thing."
L will bring personal emotions to the child, "Mother is so tired at work every day that you can't stand it? ”
whether it is right or wrong is the child's fault, such as blaming the child for not apologizing and blindly blaming the child.
Therefore, parents with a strong desire to control hope that their children's behavior can develop according to their own expectations, and if they do not follow his, then they will try every means to change.
Why you like control
Because these parents themselves are not happy in adolescence, they grew up in a comparative environment, so they are very sensitive to negative words, so when they grow up, they like to control others to get a sense of "strong" to protect themselves.
In summary, parents should neither control their children too much nor relax too much to let them go astray. The most important thing to do with children is respect, because they are also a person who will have their own ideas, not derivatives of themselves.
My parents are this type, they like to instigate me, in the tidying up of the room must follow their way and method, when at home, can not be idle, because once idle my parents will feel that I only know to enjoy, will not work. And they like to let me do the housework, so be sure to do it their way. In addition, when studying homework, my parents must check all my homework, including my diary, and ask me why everything he feels is wrong.
When I grew up, I felt that my parents just really wanted to let themselves read good books and be able to help them. And some parents like to control their children in this way to show the effect of their control in front of outsiders, to say that they discipline their children to have a hand and other words to achieve their sense of strength.
Is this control correct?
Of course not, a strong desire to control causes the child to lose his or her own consciousness, which is equivalent to saying that the parent has created another "he" self. On the one hand, the controlling parenting style emphasizes strict control and unconditional obedience of the child. The phrase "for your future good" that parents often say does mean "you must listen to me." Love is a sugar-coated shell of a controlling parent, and many children will feel that this is love after the parents have long said "you are not my child who cares about you", and they cannot understand that this is control.
Moreover, many parents like to belittle their children to stimulate their children's positive behavior, this method has a big mistake, because they will have inferiority in adolescence, often feel that they are not really inferior to others, will produce "their parents think I am not good, others will still think I am good" This psychology, so children will feel that they are useless, in a negative state.
So how do we educate and treat our children's adolescence in the right way?
---- First, lead by example
Many parents like to verbally discipline their children' behavior, letting them study and read books on their own, while they play with a mobile phone. At this time, the child will feel "you are all playing, why should I read the book", so the parents themselves usually have to develop a good habit of reading and learning, the child learns, you also learn together. This is the best way for children to develop good habits, because their habits come from their parents.
Education, the most important point is step by step, impatient to eat hot tofu, children are growing step by step. We must analyze the children step by step, respect the children, and then carry out purposeful education.
---- Second, respect your child's feedback
When children give feedback on our education, we analyze it. Moreover, this feedback is not sophistry, but the child's own ideas from the mouth. For example, if your child doesn't do well on the test this time, you can't blame him for coming up. When he said that it was difficult, you couldn't say what those in the class did well? This will make the child very helpless and angry, because they feel that they have actually done it, but the result is not satisfactory.
We should take the initiative to ask whether it is too difficult or there are other situations after the results come out, and after he answers, you should encourage him and say, "It's okay, if you pay such a great job, the next time we try harder, we can definitely do well in the exam." Children will not only feel that their parents understand themselves, but they will also work harder to learn. Therefore, we must respect the child's ideas, do not blindly do not know the reason to blame, because everything, ask clearly to make a conclusion.
---- finally, respect the child's personal ideas and hobbies
Adolescent children have a lot of wild ideas, they want to mature, but they do not have access to real society, so it is easy to be biased. When this adolescence is formed, parents should take the initiative to lead their children to see good things and slowly form correct values, rather than letting them form on their own.
This is something that needs to be guided, and they can be led to see meaningful films, exhibitions. These can all shape values. And they will have their own hobbies, such as many people will like the second dimension, and the same is true for adolescent children. Parents know what they like, don't deny them, to encourage them to learn what they like through what they like, this is a good way of education, children will get along with their parents like friends, tell their parents about their private things.
When it comes to making friends, don't be too tight-handed, because friends are his, not yours.
To sum up, we must treat our children as our own friends, first of all, to respect them, secondly to give advice, but also to learn to listen. Even if you are busy and tired at work, listen to what is happening to your child.
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