Author: Teenage Rabbit
Source: Girl Rabbit (iiilass)
Friends often say that the three views are destroyed, and the festival is broken. What exactly those three views are, it feels like a very basic question, but maybe someone really can't answer it. Even if the answer comes up, how many people have thought deeply about it, and it is estimated that it is rare.
The three views are the outlook on life, values, and world outlook, and in layman's terms, the outlook on life is how people should live in this life, values are what is the most precious in this life, and the world outlook is how the world is.
A good three views allow us to understand the world and re-understand ourselves.
01
According to a "China Post-95 Data Report", we have produced the following data chart, in the "which condition of the partner is most valued", the three views unanimously defeated personality, appearance, and economy, and jumped to the first place.
Many people are surprised by this result, but when you think about it, it is really important to have the same view. In the future, the discord between the three views will also become an important killer of the breakdown of the couple's feelings.
What is the real discord between the three views?
You like to read, he likes to play games, this is not called the three views of discord;
But he said what is the use of reading books, isn't it just pretending to be literary? This is called the three views of discord.
You like to go to a Western restaurant to eat steak, he likes to skewer in the food stall, this is not called three views of discord;
But he said that the thing is dead expensive, it is not delicious, and he said that you are really contrived, which is the disagreement of the three views.
You like to travel around the world during the holidays, he likes to stay at home, this is not a three-view discord;
But he said that there is something fun about travel, is not to spend money to suffer, how comfortable it is to lie at home, this is the three views are incompatible.
02
In fact, the consistency of the three views does not require that your interests, preferences, and ways of thinking are exactly the same, but that you can seek common ground while reserving differences, and know how to tolerate, understand and appreciate.
Otherwise, you share your happiness with him, and he thinks you're showing up; you talk to him about your sadness, and he thinks you're being pretentious. Getting along with people who don't agree with the three views is more tiring than moving bricks, because he won't understand you at all.
You tell him that the sea is beautiful, and he says you don't know how many people have drowned here;
You said it cost 480 to watch a play, and he said that the money was enough to watch 10 movies;
You put on makeup and dress up every day, and he says you stink and beautiful; you insist on going to the gym, and he says you spend money indiscriminately;
You like to buy flowers to decorate the home, he said that it will fail in a few days, and it is so expensive, why buy it!
……
What seems natural to you has become unbelievable in his eyes.
It's hard for you to change his perception, he won't understand your thoughts, you're never on the same frequency, and it's naturally tiring to get along.
Especially in the matter of spending money, it often becomes the flashpoint of contradictions where the three views are most concentrated.
For example, I have a good friend who went out on a trip with her husband on May Day. At that time, the travel agency offered two packages, one 1800 but including shopping, and the other 3500 pure play.
She wants to choose 3500 pure play, but her husband thinks that since they are all a destination, of course, choose a cheap and cost-effective, even if they are pulled to shop, they will resolutely not buy it.
But good friends believe that cheap packages, eating and living are definitely poor, and they have to be led by the tour guide, and a lot of time is wasted on shopping, which makes no sense at all. The couple had time to come out and play, of course, to have fun.
In the end, the two had a big fight, not only did the tour not go, but also broke up unhappily.
03
There are many such examples in life.
As small as dozens of pieces of coffee, as large as hundreds of thousands of cars, too many marriages are noisy because of different consumption concepts.
In the noisy, we forget the original intention, in fact, the original intention is "very positive", it may be to find a place to relax the pressure of life and work, may be to find a place to play a romantic couples trip...
But at the beginning, the heart was encountering a discord between the three views, and the tragedy ended, and over time, no one remembered the original intention of this trip, or even the original intention of marriage!
Lin Xinru told the story about her mother like this:
Mother Lin is an elegant person, even if she goes downstairs to take out the garbage, she must pack up and dress up. Papa Lin is handsome in appearance and very profitable.
In the eyes of outsiders, they are a match made in heaven, but when Lin Xinru was 12 years old, they divorced.
Mother Lin said: "Others are very good, but they can't get over a piece, after all, a lifetime is too long." ”
It turns out that Mother Lin likes to raise flowers, but Father Lin always plays soot into the pot and throws cigarette butts; Mother Lin loves to be clean, but Father Lin does not like to take a bath, and throws clothes around; Father Lin is very capable of making money, but he rarely accompanies Mother Lin.
Later, Mother Lin met Lin Xinru's stepfather, who would buy beautiful flower pots for Mother Lin's flowers and plants, and would also take the initiative to wash clothes and clean up the house, and he could also accompany Mother Lin to walk to see the sunrise and study recipes together...
Although they are all very small things, they become tired in front of people who do not agree with the three views, and in the eyes of people with consistent three views, they become comfortable.
Therefore, at the beginning, we must find someone with the same three views.
◆ He likes to play games, but also supports you to read books;
◆ He likes to stay at home, but he is also willing to listen to you share interesting things about his travels;
◆ He likes to pick up skewers and go to food stalls, but he can also accompany you into Western restaurants.
04
It is said that love or not love is secondary, and not getting tired for a long time is the most important.
A life is really long, money and appearance may only determine whether you are possible together, but the three views determine whether you are suitable for going on.
Teacher Wang Kun said that between husband and wife, "the same frequency can resonate, and communication can communicate." The core of the three views is understanding, tolerance and communication, and these are what is lacking in most marriages now, we all want to dominate and even control each other, but often forget that everyone is an independent individual, the more we control, the farther away the other party is from us, the quarrels between husband and wife, irony, cold war and other issues will become more and more intense, and eventually lead to emotional breakdown.
If you have a consistent outlook on life, you will not turn your home into a battlefield because of different lifestyles;
If the concept of money is consistent, there will be no contradictions because of the problem of money;
If the values of life are the same, there will be no common language and there will be no words to talk about;
If the concept of education is the same, it will not cause differences because of educating children, resulting in parents and children being unhappy!
If you are not yet married, please find someone as close as possible to your three views;
If you are married, but the other party does not match your three views, please strive to communicate, understand and tolerate, participate in the same learning together, grow together, and make our three views close.
The best marriage is to have a common direction and then work hard together to grow up, so as to make feelings more harmonious and make life better.