Since getting married, I have been trying to adapt myself to the role of integration into my own role, good daughter-in-law, good wife, good mother... In marriage, it was indeed perfect and praiseworthy, but the more it was so, the more I felt the loss in my heart, because other than that, I couldn't think of any role I could play.
From the first pregnancy until the birth of the eldest daughter, it is a very precious and rare time in my life to be able to look forward to a new life with all my heart and give birth to her personally and watch her grow up under our care.
In those years or two, I concentrated on raising children at home, and I often thought back to my own experience of growing up. Since I don't want my children to repeat the mistakes of my childhood, I have always hoped to have a harmonious and happy family, and after marriage, I also strive to do the responsibility of a full-time mother: to have children and husbands.
Until one day, when I was fully immersed in the family, I found that no matter how much happiness the family brought, I still could not ignore the desire for self-realization in my heart.
Since the age of sixteen, I have been working and studying half-time, work has never left my life, and work is also the source of income that I rely on, so when I wholeheartedly put down my work and entered the family in order to become someone's wife and someone's mother, behind the smile of the child and the love of my husband, I still vaguely feel the loss in my heart. This change makes me feel confused.
I found that when I put all my passion for my work into my children and my significant other, I was filled with happiness, but I never felt satisfied.
Many times, trying to play this role is more to get the approval of my husband and children, although I often have enough confidence for myself, affirm my own efforts, and take care of my emotions, but this is not the same as the sense of accomplishment brought by work, as well as interpersonal social interactions, and the satisfaction of interaction with colleagues. When these things are all covered up by diapers, bottles, and endless chores, sometimes, I wonder, is this what a woman's life is like?
Melinda, who ended her 30-year marriage with Bill Gates in 2021, once mentioned in a report that she believes that her dedication to the family is no less than her husband's (Bill Gates)'s contribution to the company. She has also confessed that when she shares the stage with her husband, she sometimes feels neglected.
There is always a set of invisible standards in society for gender, especially for both men and women in marriage. We can't seem to shake off the underlying expectations of dads raising families and moms taking care of children, and ignore how different everyone is born: some are introverted, some are extroverted, some like but not good at housework, and some are confident in their careers.
If gender can be faded, everyone is no longer affected by traditional ideas, whether it is the mother who is working hard outside, and the father who takes care of the children at home. Dad can also be very generous to say to friends: Yes, my wife is really good at making money, and it is good to leave the money to her.
When most women enter the so-called marriage relationship and become a wife, even if her dedication to the family is year-round, even if she is a full-time mother, her career is as successful as her husband's, just as shining, but in front of outsiders, when standing with her husband, she is always the one who retreats to the back; everyone will still say: Behind successful men, there is a great woman.
But in fact, is every woman willing to give in silently behind her back? People who don't want to be successful, get the attention of others, and enjoy the respect of others. And what can be done is nothing more than work.
Life is short, and who doesn't want to live wonderfully.