A question for everyone, do you spend most of your pension on your children and grandchildren?
I have two uncles, both of whom help their sons and grandchildren, but in different ways.
The uncle took the granddaughter, did not pay the money, the confinement waited, the granddaughter went to and from school, cooked for her, accompanied her to write homework, took her out to play, but the child's food and tuition fees were all paid by the eldest cousin and the eldest cousin, and their pension was saved.
The second uncle took the grandson, contributed and paid, he and the second uncle and the two people can get 8,000 pensions a month, all spent on the grandson, in order to help the son buy a house, the savings are also spent.
The two uncles looked at each other unfavorably, one thought that the other was too accustomed to children and did not know how to think for themselves, and the other thought that the other was too selfish, regardless of the hardships of their children and grandchildren, and did not trust their children and grandchildren.
How difficult it is for people to reach middle age, as parents, are all people who come over, naturally clear. Most of us are ordinary people, who don't earn much, have to support our families, have to pay off our mortgages and car loans, and have to save money in case of emergency, and we are eager to break a penny in half. Many parents see that their children have a hard time, feel heart-wrenching, and will do their best to help, such as taking a baby, using their own savings and pension to subsidize them.
Parents helping their children is a common sentiment of people, and it is a deep love for their children, but since the children have reached adulthood, you must have a degree when you help. You over-give, the other party enjoys it, may be treated as if you owe him, should be given to him, or even feel unsatisfied, hoping to get more from you. If you can't do it, they will not only not understand, but will complain about you and become unfilial.
This is very much in line with the "Diderot effect" in psychology, that is, in a relationship, the other party has a psychological phenomenon of "more and more unsatisfied", and no matter how much you pay, it is difficult to match his inflated desire.
1 year ago, Aunt Liu hugged her grandson, felt overjoyed, and happily agreed to her daughter-in-law's request to bring her grandson. However, some time ago, Aunt Liu fell out with her daughter-in-law, insisted on returning to her hometown, and refused to continue to take her grandson.
The mother-in-law gave up halfway with the baby, and Aunt Liu's daughter-in-law felt very dissatisfied and accused the mother-in-law.
01.18 Million bride price did not bring back a point, I did not say a word, asked me to bring my grandson, I agreed, who let my son like her?
3 years ago, Aunt Liu's son took his girlfriend home to meet his parents and received a warm reception from Aunt Liu.
"Marrying a daughter-in-law to give a bride price, this is a tradition, I know, and I have prepared 100,000 yuan, which is the usual price in our area." However, when talking about marriage, the mother of the family opened her mouth for 200,000, which doubled and startled me. ”
Later, the bride price dropped to 180,000, and the mother refused to let go. Although Aunt Liu felt more, but thought that the daughter-in-law was an only child after all, there was no younger brother and sister, this dowry money would not be spent where, there was a good chance that it would bring back a part, as the opening fund of the son's small family, Aunt Liu compromised and agreed to the 180,000 dowry.
However, what made Aunt Liu feel unhappy was that the dowry of the daughter-in-law actually only had a few quilts and some furniture, and there was no cash. The mother also said that she had worked hard to raise her daughter for more than 20 years, married into their family and had children, and only received 180,000 yuan as a guarantee for the elderly, which was not excessive.
Although the bride price thing made a little awkward, but seeing that her son really liked this girl, Aunt Liu did not think about it anymore.
When the daughter-in-law was pregnant until the eighth month, Aunt Liu took the initiative to take care of the daughter-in-law, accompanied her in childbirth, and waited for the confinement. The daughter-in-law offered to let Aunt Liu bring her grandson, and Aunt Liu also agreed to be very cheerful.
"I only paid the down payment for the house, they have two small families to pay off the mortgage, more than 4,000 a month, which line is my son alone?" Anyway, I'm retired, I have nothing to do, just bring my grandchildren, and when I'm too old to move, I have to rely on them to take care of one or two. ”
02. My daily routine with grandchildren is that I watch 24 hours a day, and they look at their phones after work;
Because his wife has not yet retired and needs to continue working, Aunt Liu and her wife have to live apart in a different place.
"When I first started with my grandchildren, I was very happy, after all, after retirement, I had nothing to do, I was bored, I could take my grandchildren, which was very good." However, I thought I was going to take a hand and help them, instead of circling around my grandson 24 hours a day. ”
When the daughter-in-law is on maternity leave, she is very healthy, but she either plays with her mobile phone or looks at the computer all day long, except when breastfeeding, she rarely takes care of her children or does housework. Aunt Liu did housework, washed and cooked for them, and coaxed the children at the same time.
At night, when the child is sleeping, the child is also in Aunt Liu's house, the child is crying at night, Aunt Liu must quickly get up and coax, otherwise, wake up the son and daughter-in-law, they will complain.
Taking care of a baby is a chore, not to mention, Aunt Liu also has to do housework. Aunt Liu felt overwhelmed, and also mentioned it several times, hoping that after her son and daughter-in-law got off work, they would not only know how to play mobile phones, but also do housework and take care of the children.
"You don't spend much time with your children, and your children don't kiss you anymore."
"He was born to me, how could he not kiss me?" Mom, I have been working very hard, every day tired waist and back pain, after work and then do not rest well, people will collapse, you bear more responsibility. ”
03. I take the pension with the grandchildren, but you take 2000 a month to your parents in their 50s, such a daughter-in-law I really can't meet;
Aunt Liu takes her grandson, not only to contribute, but also to pay. Aunt Liu's monthly pension of more than 3,000 is spent on her grandson, and her son and daughter-in-law never take the initiative to give her living expenses. Aunt Liu spent the pension and asked them for money, but they were reluctant to let Aunt Liu go to her wife to ask for some.
"My wife jing, want to leave some money for the elderly, refused to give, my son and daughter-in-law told me, we help them now, after getting old they will not ignore us, I think it is also, there is no money left." 」
However, some time ago, Aunt Liu overheard her son and daughter-in-law arguing, and only then did she find one thing.
"You give your parents 2,000 alimony every month, isn't that enough?" Give them money again. ”
"My dad lost all his cards, he ran out of money, he lost his temper at home, he beat my mom, what if I don't give it?"
Aunt Liu felt that something was wrong, questioned her son and daughter-in-law, and the daughter-in-law wanted to diverge from the topic at first, and when she saw that her mother-in-law did not eat this set, she had to tell the truth of the matter.
It turned out that although the daughter-in-law's parents were only in their fifties, they had long since stopped working and stayed at home. Even if you stay, your daughter-in-law's father still likes to play cards, linger at the card table, and will not get off the table without losing all the money on his body.
After losing out, the daughter-in-law's father lost his temper at home and asked the daughter-in-law's mother to ask her daughter for money.
"Your parents asked us for a dowry of 180,000 yuan, but what about the money?"
"My dad bought a car, spent a lot of money, and the rest of the money was already lost."
Aunt Liu felt intolerable, accused the daughter-in-law of taking the family's money to subsidize the mother's family, the daughter-in-law was not happy when she heard it, thinking that she was filial to her parents and giving her parents alimony, there was nothing wrong with it, and also accused Aunt Liu of being selfish.
"I take the pension with my grandchildren, but you take 2,000 a month to your parents in their 50s, why?"
"That's your grandson, it's your family's incense, and with your son's surname, you should bring it, that's your obligation." With such an answer, Aunt Liu was completely speechless.
When the son saw that his mother and wife were quarreling, he pushed Aunt Liu away, asking Aunt Liu to leave so much alone and take good care of her grandson. Looking at the unreasonable daughter-in-law and the son who let his wife fool around, and squeezed his parents as free nannies and cash cows, Aunt Liu was disappointed and decided to leave her son's house and never do anything for them again.
04. When you meet someone who does not take your efforts seriously, you are still blindly paying, and you are begging for food.
There is a line in "Yanxi Raiders": "If you blindly tolerate it, it will only make others think that you are cowardly." If you are too kind, others will take advantage of your weakness and gain inches. ”
When your children make unreasonable demands on you, and you feel that they are inappropriate and difficult to accept, you should tell them plainly and plainly, so that they know that their parents can do everything. If the child really has filial piety, he will realize his mistake and will not blame his parents for it, on the contrary, the child who is resentful of you when you refuse is itself unreliable.
Taking, one is two, two may be countless times, and human desire is never-ending. They don't have to pay the corresponding remuneration to get the benefits they want, and they have no burden when they reach out.
When you meet people who don't take your efforts seriously, you still blindly pay, and you are begging for bitter food. In the end, you spoil them, and rejection is no longer a matter of course, but a mistake, but it will affect your relationship even more.
END.
Today's topic: Do you think there is anything wrong with Aunt Liu's refusal to continue to take her grandson? Do you have any good advice to Aunt Liu? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.