Only parents who do not love their children will choose to coddle, the content is too real
Love is love, it is tolerant and not indulgent, respectful and full of boundaries
Coddling is not love at all, coddling is the disguise of non-love
- Caption
01
Yesterday I received a private message from a mother
She said: "I have always felt that I am not doting on children, but my friends around me always say that I doted on him too much. ”
And according to her own friends, the reason why they think so
In fact, it is because she never punishes the child, nor does she scold the child
Every time the child made a mistake, she would take the form of a penalty station
There is also the fact that it is usually about children, whether it is buying things or doing anything
She will take the initiative to ask the child's opinion and respect the child's ideas
So I told her that I thought she was a wonderful mother
Her education style is particularly good, and if someone says that such love is also considered coddling
Then I hope all adults can be so doting on children, and a little more, a little more
And myself, for the education of my son
It's actually the same as this mother
I remember in the fall, my son was clamoring to buy a sleeping bag
So I picked up with him on the Internet, and the sleeping bag I bought in the end was determined by my son himself, both in style and color
And on many other things, I'll let him make his own decisions
Even his own little room, the things in the house were arranged, as long as he did not allow it
I'm not going to move
Once, he laid out half of the blocks and put them on the floor to do something else
Just when my mother came over, she picked up the child
As a result, the child stopped clinging to it and began to cry
My aunt was also there at the time, so she said it very politely
"If you do this again, your aunt is going to spank your ass, your mother is too accustomed to you"
Frightened, my son immediately fell into my arms, and the cries went back
So I said to my aunt
"It's a child thing, he's in order, he shouldn't have moved in the first place"
Maybe it's because of my way of educating
Therefore, my son has been emotionally rich since he was a child, and he has never suppressed himself whether he is crying or laughing
I am also very protective of small animals and the like
The elders in the family all said that the little boy still loved to cry so much
I tell them every time
"Boys can cry too"
For small children, adult respect and understanding
Not a coddling at all! I hope that the mothers who do this will not doubt themselves
You're great and so is your education!
02
There are always people who say that there are no parents in the world who do not love their children
But in fact, there are still quite a few cases of not loving
Many parents, because of the pressure of life and the pressure of career, naturally ignore the attention to their children
Once the child has a problem, they like to simply and rudely order the child
"I don't have time to talk nonsense with you, you know something yourself"
"I'm upset enough, you're less of a mess for me"
"What should I do, I didn't see that I was busy?"
There are even some parents who will say that the child has a problem
"The child is still young, and it will be better to grow up later"
Whether it is the indifference and hardness of parents or the laziness and indulgence of parents, it is actually a manifestation of not loving children
Parents who truly love their children know how to pay attention to their children's physical and mental health at all times
Children love to lose their temper, and parents patiently respond and guide
Children like to rub, parents quietly wait, supervise. A little bit of change
If a child wants to be accompanied, parents must give time and energy to give him full of protection
So when we judge whether our actions are coddling
Or when judging others are not doting on their children
Be sure to figure out first whether their actions are loving or not
Loving parents will not spoil their children, they will only guide their children correctly and help their children
Only parents who do not love their children will indulge and ignore their children, let their children do whatever they want, and expect their children to become better with the changes of time
Such "not loving" is actually a disguised coddling
03
In life, we often hear some elders say
The child has to suffer hardships, and he must always be beaten, otherwise he will not be able to adapt to the society when he grows up
Even some parents have believed in "stick education" since childhood.
Whenever a child makes a mistake, it will make them cry and beg for forgiveness
These parents usually feel that once they do this themselves
When children grow up, they will learn to endure suffering in society and know how to ask for forgiveness when they are beaten by society
The truth, however, is that we often see children who have been subjected to parental violence and beatings from an early age
When they grow up, they are often completely unable to adapt to society because their hearts are full of defects
They are either inferior and sensitive, cowardly and cowering, or they are full of thorns, unable to get close to others, and they are not allowed to go near them
Such a child is like a puppy that has been abused
From then on, they will consciously stay away from the crowd and become more and more pitiful
For children, their hearts are undoubtedly very sensitive and complex
Only when their parents give them full of love and security from an early age, they will warmly and firmly go to the crowd and move towards the future
04
It has been said that true love is principled but unconditional
There is a principle that distinguishes it from "coddling" and unconditionally from "not loving"
As long as you master this degree between the two, then your love for your child is pure, safe, and true love
Principled love
The so-called principle is the rule, the rule, is the boundary
Many parents in life love their children almost instinctively, and this love is easy to become blind and doting
Even some parents base their love for their children on self-sacrifice and pain
As a result, when the child grows up, he will only blindly ask for it
It even becomes useless and can only nibble on the old
As a parent, you must understand that you should let your child bear it without being soft-hearted
The child should suffer bitterly, and do not blindly carry it for him
You can love your child, but not do everything for him
Nor is it to condone his misdeeds
True love must be principled love
Unconditional love
Many people equate unconditional love with coddling
In fact, unconditional love means that you have to fully accept the child and respond to the child in time
Generally speaking, parents who truly love their children know how to always pay attention to their children and give him appropriate smiles, kisses, and hugs
And often accompany children to play and talk together
And be able to respect the child's choices and interests, empathize with the child's thoughts and emotional changes
Let's take a very simple example
When your child wants to buy a small ornament
However, it is completely incompatible with your decoration style, so you must consider it from the perspective of a child
Try to respect his ideas
Instead of blindly rejecting him
Or the child wants to eat ice cream, but it's too cold
At this time, the parents who doted on their children will not hesitate to choose to buy him and give him food
Parents who love their children unconditionally will gently reject him, and then calmly explain the truth to him
Tell him that when it is hot, he will definitely buy it for him to eat
As for parents who do not love their children, they usually reprimand their children mercilessly, and even choose to beat and scold their children when they continue to insist
As parents, we must figure out the boundaries
Don't be ashamed of your love, and don't be stubborn and use your own unlove and doting to hurt and poison your children
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