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Recently, a well-known expert in China proposed that a new phenomenon of filial piety has emerged in society, which is worthy of attention: young people only give birth and do not raise children, and the burden of raising babies and raising babies falls on the shoulders of grandparents.
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According to media reports, after Ms. Li of Wuhan retired, she lived quite moistly in her hometown. However, the nightmare begins when her daughter gives birth to a second treasure and asks her to take the baby.
Less than half a year with the baby, Aunt Li lost more than 10 pounds, went to the hospital to check, and suffered from moderate depression.
Ms. Li confessed to the doctor: "It is really tiring to take my grandchildren now, and I am afraid of a mistake." The most feared is that the child is sick and the daughter and son-in-law are dissatisfied. What makes me even more depressed is that I help with my children and are complained about by my daughter and son-in-law from time to time. ”
Aunt Li's story is not unique, and now, retirees have become the main force with babies.
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According to statistics, 60%-70% of children under the age of 2 and a half are cared for by their grandparents, and 40% after the age of 3. The reporter randomly selected 12 retirees to interview, and more than 70% of the retirees said: having taken a baby, they are tired and afraid, and then bring another, and they have a weak heart.
What is even more puzzling is that the grandparents with the baby are not flattered, and they have to be complained about in various ways.
For example, grandparents give their children a candy.
Mom said, "Mommy and Daddy, how many times have I told you not to give your child sweets?" ”
Grandparents said: "The child wants to eat with tears in his eyes, and it is okay to eat one in ten days and half a month." ”
Mother: "It's useless to tell you, he has tooth decay, he will blame you." ”
Parents dump their children to their grandparents, grow up rebellious, and blame their grandparents for being too doting.
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Experts do say that parents bring the best education for their children, since you are so exquisite, do you bring your own baby? Since you are so capable, do you want to ask a nanny to serve you? Since it is so delicate, you should take care of your parents according to high standards! !
In the past, when we said twenty-four filial pieties, we meant that children should perform all kinds of filial piety to their parents. Now, in turn, grandparents have done twenty-four filial pieties to their grandchildren, sometimes not enough.
It is true that parents often see their grandchildren and share the joy of the world, but it is two different things from letting parents mainly bring their babies.
Children must understand that parents have the ability to help with their children, and it is their duty to be willing to help you; it is their duty not to help you.
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Young people only give birth to babies and do not raise babies: your irresponsibility not only harms the children, but also sorry for the elderly.
Recently, a survey conducted by the Social Survey Center of China Youth Daily on 2001 people through the questionnaire network showed that 58.0% of the respondents believed that the phenomenon of "only having children and not raising children" was widespread.
There are even people who, in the face of the urging of their parents, directly prescribe the conditions under which I gave birth to you and are responsible for raising them. But is this really good?
First, having children is an irreversible choice, and before giving birth, we must think about whether we are willing to have children or not.
Grandparents and grandparents are only relatives of the child, and their responsibility to the child is much less than the responsibility of the child's parents to the child.
Second, if young people are not willing to sacrifice themselves for their children, then do not have children.
It's not cool, it's childish.
Third, push it all to the parents, which is to escape their own life, besides, young people have escaped these things that should be their doing, and there will be bigger problems waiting for you in the future.
Young people, care more about your parents, take responsibility for yourself, you are the best example for your children.
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Xiaobian feels that this new phenomenon of filial piety should arouse enough attention from society.
Sons and daughters want to retire a free old age, you can no longer treat your parents like this, when you are working overtime and busy, no matter who your parents let to pick them up, they are unimpeded, this is the love of children and grandchildren.
You have thought about the next two-person world, let the baby go to grandma's house for a few days, the old man will be willing to push away other things to cooperate, this is understanding.
Parents are tired all their lives, old and want to live their own little lives, children should do their best to complete them, send parents to help with children, is tantamount to letting them retire and then go to work.
They have been in this life:
Study well, in order to find a good job; work well, in order to find a good partner; love well, in order to form a good family; work hard, so that the child can read; work hard, so that the child can find a good job; work hard, so that the child can buy a house and become a family.
Busy all your life, for this family for the sake of children. I'm old and I think I can live for myself. Unexpectedly, or continue to fight desperately, for the sake of children's children!
Occupying the old age of parents, why not mentally nibble on the old and physically nibble on the old?
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So, how did the children's lives end up in families without the help of the elderly?
We might as well look at the following four representative families from the perspective of our children:
The first family: the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is delicate, not close
Grandma Zhou is the grandmother who doesn't have grandchildren. When the daughter-in-law was confinement, Zhou's mother-in-law only gave red envelopes and did not take care of them. After the daughter-in-law leaves the moon, she is also handed over to her son to take care of. In addition to the fact that sometimes the son is not available and needs Grandma Zhou to help buy a chicken, duck and fish meat or something, Grandma Zhou is still willing to help.
Grandma Zhou's reason for not bringing her grandson is simple: it is annoying.
Grandma Zhou's health is not particularly good, there is no serious illness, but it is easy to catch a cold. She likes to be quiet, and it is hard to wait until she retires, ready to enjoy the blessings and do what she wants to do. When I heard that I wanted to bring my grandchildren, I was a hundred unwilling.
The children are squeamish and noisy, and everything has to be laborious. If she wanted to take her grandchildren, she couldn't do her own thing, not even take a good rest.
Moreover, if you bring your grandchildren, in case there is any conflict with your daughter-in-law, your family life will not be quiet in the future. For the fact that Zhou's mother-in-law did not bring children, the daughter-in-law did not say anything. The two maintain a delicate relationship and do not interfere with each other's lives or disturb each other. The days were still good.
The second family: the prepared two-child plan is in vain
When Xiao Li was pregnant with a child, she originally wanted a second treasure. Xiao Li, who was born as an only child, knows the loneliness of childhood without siblings. Originally, the plan was all booked, but it was broken by the mother-in-law who did not help with the child.
Xiao Li's mother-in-law does not want to bring her grandson, and she cannot force her mother-in-law to bring it. After the birth of the child, in addition to the confinement time, Xiao Li accompanied him throughout the whole process. Taking care of a child is tedious and there are more things to deal with than going to work.
Xiao Li only sleeps for a few hours a day, and the rest of the time is before and after running for the child. One moment I am worried that the child will not sleep soundly, and the next moment the child wakes up crying and wanting to drink milk. One moment the child is cold again, and the next the child is hot again.
Xiao Li is either busy snapping up baby products or making baby food supplements. The thought of taking care of a child is so tiring, and the idea of having a second child also begins to hesitate. After hearing her mother-in-law say that she also wanted to bring her own second child, Xiao Li canceled her plan to have a second child.
The third family: without children, there is no pension
Ms. Wang and her mother-in-law reached an agreement: the mother-in-law does not bring children, and she does not give the mother-in-law's family a pension.
Although Ms. Wang wants to be an independent woman, she does not expect her mother and mother-in-law to help. But just after giving birth to a child, I heard my mother-in-law say that she did not bring children, and my heart was inevitably a little uncomfortable.
Ms. Wang brings her own children, although she can barely take care of them, but there will always be times when she feels tired and impatient. At this time, I remembered my mother-in-law's words at that time, and my heart was even more uncomfortable.
So, Ms. Wang said to her mother-in-law: "Mom, you don't help me with the child, I won't say anything." But after your pension, I may not be able to contribute. ”
Unexpectedly, the mother-in-law actually readily agreed: "Okay, none of us will lose anyone." You raise children hard, I have no effort, we will come by ourselves, do not need you to worry. ”
Although it was resolved peacefully on the surface, neither side was happy in their hearts. Speaking is also a word in words, and the sentences are stinging. Although Ms. Wang's husband wanted to be an intermediary, he was silent considering that it was inconvenient for him to speak.
The fourth family: full-time mother to take care of the children, relying only on the husband to support the family
After Ms. Wu gave birth to a child, she felt that she would have to take the child, and her work might not be very stable in the future. Therefore, Ms. Wu proposed to leave her job and be a full-time mother at home.
Ms. Wu's mother-in-law is reluctant to take the child, and her mother also lives in a foreign country. She thought that it was nothing to take the children herself, and it was more practical to do everything herself.
After Ms. Wu was a stay-at-home mother for more than a year, her husband complained: "You haven't gone to look for a job, I am alone in the family." Do you know how tired you are? We can't travel anywhere, and we have to borrow money to go. ”
Ms. Wu could not refute it, but she really couldn't pull herself out. The mother-in-law did not want to help, the child was still so young, and the family's money was not enough to hire a nanny, so she could only carry it herself.
Ms. Wu said: "At the beginning, it was okay to take the children by myself, but I really couldn't stand it for a long time. Not only is my husband under pressure, I am also a little out of touch with society, and I don't know if I can find a job later. ”
Xiaobian believes that families where the elderly do not help with children have their own difficulties. Some are not very good at the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, some are unable to have a second child, and some are more realistic and the most numerous problems: economic pressure.
The elderly have the right to choose their own old age, and the mother of the child also has the right to complain that it is too tiring to take the child. Either way, there's nothing wrong with either.
In fact, the elderly do not have to take the child directly, and it is the same from other places to assist. For example, some elderly people do not want to bring children, if they can, they can give their children some money every month as a little help.
In addition, the thoughtfulness and support of young couples to each other is also an important aspect. If the husband is willing to help his wife share the matter of carrying children, on the one hand, it can reduce the pressure on the wife, so that the wife has spare energy to work and reduce the economic burden of the family, on the other hand, it can also exempt the elderly from the hardship of bringing children.
If it were you, how would you choose? Do you choose to help your children with them, or do you let them bring them personally?