In the same sun, the same parents, why do some children live satisfactorily and happily, while others are trapped in depression and pain, and can see through their future at a glance?
I once saw a video like this on a media platform:
At first it was a little girl standing barefoot in the corridor, hysterically and hoarsely crying out her despair about life, and the next moment, it was the child holding the quilt in the hospital bed, howling in pain.
That situation was almost like the slaughter of pigs in the countryside for the New Year, the petite girl who looked very poor, from morning to night, when no one was paying attention, she was going to hit the wall and drink flower dew, bent on hurting herself, in order to retaliate and condemn her mother's harsh and desperate education.
What's even more surprising is that this video was posted online by the girl's mother, and she even wrote in the video introduction:
Psychologically twisted mothers, forcing their children into depression.
01
This mother, who almost drove her child crazy, was also a poor child.
Some people say that the greatest pain in life is that you can't ask for it and can't put it down. And this post-80s mother, when she was a child, she always had a wish to "perform on stage". But unfortunately, from kindergarten to secondary school graduation, it has not been realized for various reasons.
Perhaps because of her mannerisms, the teacher not only did not pick her, but also said in front of the whole class: "This child has no father, and his mother sells fruit very poorly." But the teacher's kindness, in front of this stubborn girl who wanted to participate in the literary and art show, obviously turned into a merciless joke and mockery.
This girl, who depended on her mother for her life, filled her heart with endless jealousy, vanity and repression in her childhood.
She wanted to learn to dance, but her mother always said that her family was poor and was reluctant to spend this money to satisfy the child's vanity and girlish heart. As a result, every year in June, when the art show came, this poor girl, ordinary looking and unable to dance, could only watch her classmates rehearse between classes.
From elementary school to junior high school, this girl has watched all the dance performances in the city, but she has never had the money to learn to dance, and she has never had the opportunity to perform on stage. As a result, when the girl grew up and became a girl's mother, she retained the regrets, scars and obsessions of her childhood from beginning to end.
Her children became victims of this obsession.
02
"I spent so much money to let you learn the piano, why don't you study well?"
Like many "chicken parents", this mother who grew up in a single-parent family has poured too much effort and price into her baby daughter. From piano guitar to hosting dance, all the interest classes that can improve the girl's cultivation, quality and temperament have basically been reported.
But apparently, "the income still limits her imagination."
Piano lessons 200 yuan a section are too expensive, stunned to the child to change to 100 yuan a section, the child is not interested in wanting to retreat, she feels unwilling, a bite of teeth to the daughter to hire a famous teacher. But the daughter still does not like to play the piano, no matter how much this obsessive post-90s mother has suffered in her heart and how much money she has spent for her daughter.
As an adult, the pain of "can't ask for it and can't put it down" that was imprinted in her heart in childhood has completely made this mother "psychologically distorted". Quarrels, "cold wars", scolding, these are commonplace, and this mother even kicked her daughter so badly that she could not stand up, so serious that she was filming in the hospital.
It is conceivable that this is how deeply you love your children, and how bitter your hatred for your children is. As a result, the girl suffered from depression at the age of 9, and in the painting treatment, she drew the intention of "hating the piano".
At this time, it is too late to regret it.
03
Seeing the 14-year-old girl in the video who was helplessly tied to a hospital bed because of depression and irritability, I think many parents' hearts are extremely uncomfortable.
Why do parents leave early and return late, and try their best to earn money to support their families, but the children just don't understand?
Why do parents save money and give their children interest classes at high prices, but the children just don't work hard?
Why is it that no matter what parents do, they are "for the good of their children", and the children are not grateful?
In fact, in many cases, we are no different from the "psychologically distorted" mother in this short video. When our children come to the real world with an innate curiosity, curiosity and kindness, we are in the children, again and again, imprinting the scars on our hearts in childhood.
However, the child is not a small animal, she has her own preferences, ideas and opinions, which in many cases are "very different" from the parents' families. As a parent and an adult, you can certainly use the wisdom, words, and strength you have mastered over the decades to bring your child to their knees through "coercion and inducement."
But at the same time, you will also resolutely and completely lose your child's feelings, dependence, and expectations of you.
04
"Junior high school students depression, can tourism solve it?"
After the 14-year-old girl was "forced to educate" into depression, the mother once took the child to travel, living in a hilltop villa of more than 1,000 yuan a night, but it should not be, she spent time with companionship, spent money at the same time, but also said a word, completely let the girl into despair.
"We've paid so much for you, and this time we're here to wish you happiness. Spent more than a thousand dollars to come out and live, I hope you can be normal, don't turn black and white upside down, can go to school, don't keep languishing. ”
This is probably the post-80s mother who grew up in a single-parent family and has an unforgettable childhood shadow in her heart, and the biggest kindness to her depressed daughter who was forced by herself.
But now, leaving aside such a "yin and yang weird" sentence, any adolescent girl will not easily let go of the obsession in her heart, and instead accept the stubborn mother who is full of devastation and life.
Because in the heart of the child, what he wants is free and happy, relaxed and happy, rather than mechanically and repeatedly preparing for the exam under the will of his parents, learning this and learning that.
It is true that every parent who enrolls his child in cram school, or spends a price to urge his child to learn piano, chess, calligraphy, painting, fitness and dancing, is "for the good of the child", but the premise of educating the child is that the parents should fully communicate, empathize and reconcile with the child, rather than "psychological distortion" to impose their own obsession and hope on the ignorant child, causing pain and depression on each other, so why bother?
There is a saying that "one can never earn money outside the cognitive range".
In fact, then, children can never like things outside the cognitive range. If the child simply cannot understand the value and significance of learning the piano, and has never experienced the sense of achievement and pleasure of reading, listening to and playing, then even if you spend tens of thousands of yuan to buy a piano for your child, scold it hard, beat it hard, and force it hard, will the child like to play the piano from the bottom of his heart?
In short, I hope that we will not be psychologically distorted parents who force their children into depression.