My husband went to take a shower, and a female friend on his phone sent a message: What are you doing? On a whim, I replied: I was thinking of you. The other person said: Really? I thought it was boring, so I replied

My husband went to take a shower, and a female friend on his phone sent a message: What are you doing? On a whim, I replied: I was thinking of you. The other person said: Really? I felt bored, so I replied: I sent the message just now, I am his wife. The other party seconds back: Great! I wondered: Huh? What's too good? The other party said: While they are not there, let's talk for a while, right? I'm her husband!

2, the company has a new female, virtuous and dignified and not lacking in grace and luxury, becoming the goddess in our minds. Today I ask: Beauty, what year did you have? She asked me to guess, and I looked at her seriously, thinking that a woman's age cannot be guessed. So I deliberately pressed a little smaller: it should be younger than me, 30 years old. Then her smile froze instantly, and later, I was told that she was 20 years old!

3, in a world top 500 company successful interview, the financial to report two card card number, at that time very incomprehensible, but still reported. Today's salary, one card into 1000, the remaining part of the salary into another card. Later, I was curious to ask a middle-aged colleague, and the middle-aged colleague laughed at Mimi and said: "The young man sees that you are not yet married, and you must follow the boss well in the future.

4, my girlfriend thinks I am a poor boy, followed by a rich second generation to run, I was frustrated in the scene to go to the bar to buy drunk, before leaving also sang a song "Beijing Beijing", humming songs while walking. I got into the taxi and hummed, unconsciously fell asleep, and the driver woke me up in the morning: Beijing has arrived! I opened my eyes and looked at the meter: twelve thousand eight hundred and fifteen dollars. I looked shocked and said, "Master, why did you open Beijing?" The master said: I asked you several times last night, you all said Beijing, Beijing, I thought you were in a hurry to see the national flag raised! My God, now that I think about it, I feel afraid, but fortunately I didn't sing that song "Heaven" last night!

5, I graduated from secondary school, but I found a graduate student as a girlfriend. Yesterday we watched a movie together and it ended very late. Taking her to the school gate, I asked the security guard, "Big brother, can you still go in now?" The security guard glanced at my girlfriend and said, "Okay, let's go in!" I turned to my girlfriend and said, "What the heck, it's too late to get in!" My girlfriend didn't believe me and ran over to the security guard and asked, "Uncle, can we go in?" The security guard glanced at me: "Well, yes." Then my girlfriend turned to me and said, "I really can't get in, let's go!" ”

6. I remember when I was a child, the old people in the village often talked about a small story. It is said that an older leftover woman in a certain village often laments when she chats. She originally went on a blind date with a high-quality man, and her brother went to the man's house once, and the mother-in-law cooked a large pot of her favorite rice dumplings. In those years, I was deprived of materials, and I ate a large bowl, and my eyes were still hooked. The mother-in-law said that she wanted to eat and then go to Sheng, and she really went to Sheng again! And then the next day he was dismissed...

7. At night, the wife pulled her husband to accompany her to watch the peach blossoms of the three lives and three worlds. The husband was absent-minded, and after a while he begged his wife: "Wife, give a little more pocket money!" The wife glanced at him and said, "Give me a reason to increase pocket money!" The husband listened, laughed and said, "Civil servants have increased their salaries!" The wife was very angry when she heard this, and scolded: "What does the salary increase of a civil servant have to do with you?" The husband smiled and said with a smile: "How does it not matter, I am also a civil servant, I am your husband, I have a package of housework, I am a member of the family, this is called a civil servant!" ”

8, when he went to college, there was a roommate Xiao Zhao who always talked about dreams in the middle of the night, and most of the time he was very depressed, and everyone also reminded him that he had the problem of dreaming, and he did not believe it. One day, around two o'clock in the morning, everyone was almost asleep, and Xiao Zhao shouted loudly: I told you, I never talk about dreams, do you believe it? Saying that a carp came straight and stood up. It woke everyone up, and then he laughed: I'm going to go to the bathroom!

#Funny# #搞笑段子 #