Take the kids to the playground the other day. At the beginning, a group of children had a good time, and it was The city that took the children to the playground a few days ago. In the beginning, a group of children had a lot of fun, again building castles, and playing family games.
After playing for a while, a mother came over and urged her child to come home. But four or five-year-old children are playing on the head, where willing to leave. So they cried and made trouble, which caused parents and children on the side to perform the "eye-catching ceremony".
At this moment, the child's mother felt particularly embarrassed and said coldly: "Don't cry, your set will not work for me." "
But in this way, the child cried even more fiercely.
In the end, the mother and son drifted apart in the child's crying and the mother's cold words.
Some people say that bear children are habitual, as long as parents adhere to principles, even if the children lose their temper and do not compromise, they will not make trouble in the future.
But is it really that simple?
Although the child eventually followed his mother home crying, his mother's indifference may leave an indelible shadow on him.
Because there is no right or wrong in emotion itself, when parents refuse to communicate with their children, there will be an indelible rift in the parent-child relationship.
So, when a child loses his temper, what should parents do?
01, reasoning and tantrums are the most useless ways of education
Why?
We always think that when our children understand the truth, they will be able to work hard according to our expectations. But in fact, the child's ideology is not yet fully developed. To children, those big truths have nothing to do with them.
For example, parents tell their children bitterly that if they don't study well now, they won't be able to get into good high schools and colleges in the future. But it's possible that children don't even know what high school and college are, and how can they possibly empathize with what their parents say?
Moreover, when parents are reasonable, most of them are in a lofty posture, which is more likely to cause children's disgust.
As for parents who want to discipline their children by throwing tantrums, it is even more "adding fuel to the fire".
The American sociolinguistic Albert once proposed a law of 55387.
It refers to the fact that when we communicate with people, what the other person perceives is: 55% image and attitude + 38% tone and emotion + 7% language content.
In other words, when you lose your temper with your child, only 7% of what your child really receives.
And when parents lose their temper, the child may be confused at the first time, and he can't hear or understand what his parents are yelling.
02, avoidance will make children angry and helpless
Many parents will propose "cold treatment", the child loses his temper and ignores him, cries for a while, and he himself stops.
As a result, when children cry in many public places, parents will walk away, or simply act as if they did not hear.
In fact, such an avoidant attitude is also a kind of harm to children, and it is easy for them to feel angry and helpless.
Because emotions are not right or wrong, adults still have tempers, let alone children with weak self-control?
The child's throwing and rolling, or throwing things and hitting people can only show that the child's incorrect behavior needs to be regulated, but there is nothing wrong with releasing emotions themselves.
When we refuse to understand the child's inner world, it is easy for the child to have negative emotions such as anger and helplessness that mom and dad don't love me, that they don't care what I think.
So, in the face of children's tantrums, what should parents do?
03, in the face of children's emotions, may wish to take three steps
1. See the child's emotions
When the child loses his temper and throws himself around, the parents can deal with it coldly, but they may as well crouch down and hug him and pat him first, so that the child knows through such body language that the parents care about my feelings.
For example, when Cai Shaofen and her two daughters were eating together, she neglected her younger daughter because she was busy talking to her eldest daughter.
The little daughter was very angry and directly cried.
At this time, Cai Shaofen did not strictly stop the child from crying, but instead patted her back and said softly: "I know you are not happy, you cry." "
The child cried for a while, felt that his emotions were released, and did not make any more trouble.
see! Sometimes, the child's request is simple, and the parents can see their unhappiness.
2. Help your child analyze why emotions are out of control
Of course, sometimes it is not enough to see the child's emotions, but also to help the child analyze why they are out of control.
For example, you can ask a child:
"Why are you angry? Do you still want to play for a while? "
"Did you lose your temper because you didn't play with the toy you wanted to play with?"
"Can you tell your mother what really happened?"
Many times, children lose their temper because they don't know how to deal with it.
My daughter once got up in the morning in a very wrong mood, either looking at this unpleasant or looking at that unpleasant eye. It's tantrums again, it's throwing things around again. I strangely asked her why she was throwing a tantrum, and she hesitated for a moment, saying it was because of a nightmare.
I was glad I asked the child instead of impatiently throwing a tantrum at her as well.
3. Solve problems with your child
After releasing bad emotions, the most important thing is to solve the problem.
At this time, parents may wish to propose some alternative solutions to guide their children to solve problems together. Like what:
"It's too late today and it's time for us to go home. If you really don't want those little friends, you can play together tomorrow, or play for another 5 minutes. What do you think? "
"I know you love this toy, but we don't have it on our shopping list today. Or you will write it down on the wish list and buy it again next time, okay? "
Leave the decision to the child, and the child will have the opportunity to learn to control his emotions while feeling respected.
Children who are immature and have limited expressive abilities lose their temper and cry, perhaps just because they are afraid, confused or tired, and they don't know how to deal with it.
At this time, what we have to do is to hold the child, let them feel the love of their parents, and then guide them to release bad emotions and finally solve the problem.
In this way, children can face such a situation more calmly in the future!
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| La Mama, a multi-platform contracted author, likes to read classic parenting and psychology books, and focuses on scientific parenting and parent-child emotions. If you like my text, please follow me and discuss it together.
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