People change, but the biggest change is after marriage.
This is the first feeling that many people feel after marriage, as if they never knew their partner, or were not the partner they knew at all.
Acknowledging and accepting this is always better than anger, irritation, and questioning.
But have you ever wondered why people change after marriage? Makes you feel strange. Don't be in a hurry to question your choice, or feel that the choice of marriage is too sloppy, you should wait until you have a complete understanding before getting married. In fact, even if you have a complete understanding of your partner, it will still become strange to you after marriage.
Because of this, marriage has the nature of gambling. So to some extent, marriage still needs to bring some impulses, and the white head is always a wish, an effort, and a luck.
The reason why people change after marriage should start from three points.
- 1, men and women in love only see each other's beauty, but marriage will expose the shortcomings of both parties.
As Mr. Qian Zhongshu said in "The Siege":
"No matter who you marry, after you get married, you always find that you are not marrying the original person, but changing to another one." Knowing this, the pursuit, love, etc. before marriage can all be omitted. When talking about love, both parties are completely converged, and they have not recognized each other until they get married, but the old-fashioned marriage is simply, and no one recognizes anyone before they simply get married. ”
Deeply.
During the period of love, men and women will try to cover up their shortcomings, as well as through deliberate obedience and intentional disguise, to hide their true face.
Then this will inevitably become an obstacle to mutual understanding, so no one knows who is under the mask and what exactly is the expression.
After all, what you are in contact with is the other party after being disguised, and then beautifying it through your imagination, becoming beautiful and noble. Love is like this, it's not that you can't see each other's shortcomings, even if you can see each other's shortcomings, those shortcomings will hide behind some kind of aura and be infinitely reduced.
Love is a long-distance spiritual attachment, and marriage is a close-range life together, then there will inevitably be conflicts in will, ideas, personality, and the true face is completely exposed.
So when there is a conflict, we all have reason to wonder if the other party has changed, and it is easy to have the idea of divorce in the mood of disappointment.
The longer they spend together, the easier it is for the shortcomings of both parties to be magnified, and the more likely it is that the advantages of the other party will be hidden, so that they feel that they do not recognize each other.
- 2) We never know our partner, and if we do, we only know him or her in a relationship.
There is an interesting description in "The Meaning of Marriage":
"We never knew our spouses, we just thought we knew. Even if we find the right person in the first place, it won't be long before he or she changes. Because marriage is a big life event: as soon as we walk in, we are no longer the same person. ”
Why?
Because the content of love and the content of marriage are very different.
In a romantic relationship, even if you get along well and understand more deeply, you can only recognize him/her in the relationship. Entering marriage means entering a new content of life.
So in the new content of life, you will also recognize a new partner, no longer what you knew before.
Including many divorced couples, after a period of time together, they will also find that the other party has changed, and thus the idea of remarriage. In fact, it is only the content of two people's lives, which triggers a change in the mode of getting along, and when they re-enter married life, what should a person be like or what.
It's as if you don't really go into married life and never know how you'll react in the face of all the grinding family trifles.
- 3, marriage is a new way of life, but also the most realistic way of life in the world.
This means that after marriage, the focus of two people will immediately shift, shifting the focus to real life. Naturally, you can no longer be like when you are in love, everywhere is centered on you, and all kinds of small tempers that accommodate you.
And you also have to realize that when two people are close, they will definitely feel tired after a long time.
So you will feel that the other party has changed, in fact, it is just that the other party has to deal with the most realistic life, or life does not prepare time for the other party, and you must immediately deal with the short trivialities in the parents.
After dealing with the problems of life, how much patience can people have left? They may all be on the verge of emotions, because they immediately quarrel with each other if they don't listen to a word.
After all, love is not the same as marriage, when you fall in love, there is no real life participation, as long as you talk about love well.
Marriage is life, romance is no longer the norm of life, triviality, ordinariness and suffering are, including the responsibility and pressure on the shoulders.
Yes, it's not that he has become unloving of you, or that she has become unmolested, and choosing marriage means that both people have something on their shoulders that need to be borne immediately, and there is no escape.
It can be said that the other party has changed, and it can also be said that the two sides have begun to focus on life.
So you must believe that no matter who you marry, after marriage, your partner will become a "stranger". This change is normal and inevitable, so it is very necessary that you can keep up with the changes of the other party.
Truly think of marriage as a new beginning, a new beginning not only for life, but also for relationships and ways of getting along.
Never feel that you have been in love for many years, which completely lays the foundation for married life. There is no such thing as one, nothing in this world is once and for all, you need to constantly renew yourself and constantly accept new things.
If you can't keep up with the speed of the other person's change, just doubt, question, and get annoyed, then you will be thrown farther away by the other person until you can't understand each other at all, or even no longer have a common language.
Anything can change, everything can change, but the only thing that can't change is the determination to go on.
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