In your opinion, what is the key to resolving the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? Is it good enough just for men?
Many people believe that since the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, two people who originally have no intersection, have become a family because of a man, then this man who plays the role of son and husband at the same time has the unshirkable responsibility and must reconcile the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The bad relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can only show that the man is incompetent and is not a qualified husband.
Indeed, to resolve the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, men have the unshirkable responsibility, in many cases, as long as the man is willing to help, help not help relatives, take the initiative to reconcile, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can be improved, but there are exceptions, that is, encounter a completely unreasonable mother-in-law or daughter-in-law.
Xiucai meets a soldier, it doesn't make sense, and when she meets someone who is stubborn and refuses to listen to advice, even if you are her son or her husband, she feels a headache.
"Why, when I was old, not only did my daughter-in-law have a bad relationship with me, but she was unwilling to let me go to their house, and even my son hated me, saying that I had been pulling his hind legs and that I couldn't see him doing well?" I'm a, how can I not see him doing well? ”
Aunt Fan's doubts must be many old people, they do not understand, they are obviously out of kindness, for the good of the son, the daughter-in-law is not happy, even if the son is not happy, why does the son not appreciate it? In fact, when you are old, if you refuse to let go of 3 things, don't say that your daughter-in-law is dissatisfied, and your son will not want to see you.
What good is it for your son if you don't want to go with your daughter-in-law? Let him listen to your complaints every day, and fight the two of you while worrying about your work? Or divorce and find another one? The girl learned the reason for his divorce, knew that he had a very difficult mother, knew that he was a confused person, who was willing to jump into this fire pit?
01. Economic power, especially the income of the son;
The first contradiction between Aunt Fan and her daughter-in-law was economic power.
When Aunt Fan was young, her husband went out to work and regularly sent money home, which was at the disposal of Aunt Fan for her son to go to school and support her in-laws. Aunt Fan managed the money for a lifetime, even the salary of her son after work.
"I can't blame it, I can't blame them for the fact that their young people can't save money, can't control money, and have to buy everything they see." Buy and do not use, put at home for a period of time to throw away, and then look at the new, and bought back, even if it is a few dollars, that is also money, accumulated over time, is not a small amount ah! ”
Therefore, at the request of Aunt Fan, the son handed in the salary card, and when he spent the money, he asked his mother for it, which lasted until the son got married, and the daughter-in-law asked Aunt Fan to hand over her husband's salary card to him.
Aunt Fan not only refused, but instead made a request for her daughter-in-law to hand in her salary card and keep it together.
"You have to pay off your mortgage, you have to save money to have children and raise children, how can you keep buying and buying like this?" Mom helps you manage the money, is it not good to save money for you? ”
"No, we're adults, we have to take care of our own money." It was not only the daughter-in-law who said this, but also the son. The son's attitude is also very resolute, asking his mother to give up economic power, which makes Aunt Fan feel very depressed.
As the psychologist Sylvia Claire said, "All love in the world has the ultimate goal of aggregation, and only one kind of love has the purpose of separation, and that is the love of parents for their children." The true successful love of parents is to separate children from your life as an independent individual as soon as possible, and the sooner this separation, the more successful you will be. ”
Manage the money for them, can you help them manage it for a lifetime? Besides, it is the money that the son and daughter-in-law have earned with all their hard work, they have the right to control, and their own money cannot be the master, which person can accept it?
What's more, some mothers-in-law see that their daughter-in-law spends money and their flesh hurts, even if the money is earned by the daughter-in-law, she feels that the daughter-in-law loses the family, and she is eager to spend all the daughter-in-law's money on her son, and does not care about the daughter-in-law's feelings.
02. Decision-making power, the son and daughter-in-law must do things according to their own ideas;
Aunt Fan's son and daughter-in-law had an idea, that is, to go to the more prosperous provincial city to work hard, and when they had the qualifications to buy a house, they sold the marriage house and settled down in the provincial city.
After Aunt Fan listened, she felt inappropriate, felt too hard, and thought that her son and daughter-in-law had the best way to keep their existing jobs, although they did not earn much, but the price of small places was not high, and they did not need to pay off their mortgages, and they lived very comfortably.
"They said that they should take into account the educational environment of their children, and they plan to gain a firm foothold in the provincial city before they want a baby, my God, when will I be able to hold my grandson?" I'd like to hold a few more! Besides, isn't it just school? Isn't it all the same in what direction? My nephew is still in the county high school, is not still admitted to the key university? As long as people are smart and diligent, they can always read books. ”
Aunt Fan said what she thought, the son and daughter-in-law were very angry, one thought that Aunt Fan was outdated and did not know what to plan for her children and grandchildren, and the other accused the mother-in-law of being selfish, only thinking about herself, and using her as a tool for fertility.
Mark Levy wrote in The Man Who Stole the Shadow: "You can't interfere in someone else's life, even if it's for the good of the other person, this is his life." ”
I am for your own good, this sentence Aunt Fan said to her son more than once, and many parents also open their mouths and shut their mouths without this sentence. However, is your goodness really what the son wants? Is your good son really acceptable?
Don't do to others what you don't want, don't do to others what you want, you're not him, you don't understand his ideas, he's not you, and you can't understand your ideas and carry out your ideas to the end.
03. Freedom, you have to squeeze in with your sons and interfere in their lives.
In order to go to the provincial city, Aunt Fan and her son fought, and at the end, the son said a word and hit Aunt Fan fiercely: "Do you know why I want to go to other cities?" Not only to have better development opportunities, but also to be far away from you, I don't want to be so close to you, I don't want you to come to my house every day to stare at us, so that I can't even breathe free air. ”
In Aunt Fan's eyes, her son is always a small child, nothing can be done properly, not staring at it is not assured, and it is even more uneasy to leave his own eyes. However, the son could not stand his mother's suffocating love and wanted to escape.
The excessive love of parents is not only bad for their children, but will feel suffocated and depressed, just like the TV series "Little Joy" Song Qian is indeed for Qiao Yingzi's good, but her love has caused Qiao Yingzi to suffer from depression.
I remember reading a quote in a book: "Marriage is the union of two families, and some contradictions do not arise just because they live together, and there must be no contradictions without living together." The most important point between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is to correct their role positioning. ”
Correct their role positioning, do their own things, let go of things that should not be managed in time, let the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have a sense of boundary, men give strength, reconcile, only in this way, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can get along harmoniously.
END.
Today's topic: What do you think is the key to resolving the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.