Praise has no effect? That's when you don't have the right method of praise

Everyone craves praise

The psychologist Banum once did an interesting experiment: he advertised in the newspaper that he was an astrologer who could telemetry the personality of everyone he didn't know. After the announcement, letters poured in. The psychologist sent out hundreds of remote assessments based on letters from readers.

More than two hundred people wrote back in thanks, praising his telemetry for being accurate and brilliant. Who would have expected a psychologist to send out a standard answer with exactly the same content: "You are a person who needs to be liked and appreciated by others, but not everyone is so kind to you; you want to do many things, and you have endless potential, in contrast, you have not played much..."

Any person's psychological need to be affirmed is greatly more than the psychological need to be denied, so the positive evaluation will make the child get a pleasant psychological experience and produce a motivating effect.

Praise three steps

Many parents report that their children's praise is useless, that is because they have not mastered the specific method of praise. How to praise children can do more with less, here I divide into three steps: state the facts - express feelings - express expectations

State the facts

When a child has the right or good behavior, parents need to clearly tell him what is done right and what behavior is worthy of recognition and appreciation.

Many parents praise their children will use "awesome", "awesome" and "really capable" words, these words of course have the effect of praise, but there are two aspects of the bad, first: the child is not clear which of their own behaviors have been praised, such as children take the initiative to do housework, praise "awesome" and "it is good to see you tidy up toys, this habit is really good, baby should insist on it in the future", which sentence do you think can be more effective? Second: praise without specific facts will make the child feel that you are perfunctory and do not care about his performance, so over time the child will not want to show and do not want to get your praise.

At the same time, when stating the facts, parents should be careful not to belittle the child. For example, "This time the test scored 100 points, it seems that you are not stupid", this sentence will make the child feel that he was a relatively stupid child in the parents' mind, then the original test of 100 points can enhance self-confidence, because you said that it is not stupid, but the child has a self-denial psychology.

Express feelings

Many parents do not raise their feelings when they praise their children. Then we must first understand that the child's behavior is on the one hand the desire to be praised, on the other hand, the desire to see the attitude of the parents. So when you're happy or proud of your child's good behavior, be sure to express that feeling. This is the driving force that pushes the child forward, and will let the child continue to do it.

Express expectations

Expressing new expectations is to tell the child that he will do better as long as he continues to work hard. Here may be an expression of macro expectations, but to say in general terms: "I believe you will do better." "And no specific requirements can be made. Because if it is a specific requirement, the child thinks that the parents are still not satisfied with their current behavior, which will cause a sense of pressure and make your praise greatly reduced.

By stating the facts, expressing feelings, and expressing expectations, every parent's praise can get a multiplier effect with half the effort

Hello, I am Xiao Bo, love to talk about a little bit of the content of youth education, if you need this aspect of the content, welcome to pay attention to me, Xiao Bo looks forward to communicating with you